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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

DS 10 doesn't seem to realise/care that he's overweight

120 replies

CarolDW · 27/01/2015 21:35

My 10 year old boy is overweight, he's 4"5 and weighs 6st7lbs. He really does look quite fat especially when compared to other boys at his school. The problem is that he doesn't seem to realise that he is overweight or that it is a problem, he just seems completely oblivious to it and I don't know why. Should I try talking to him about it or should I just give him a hint about it ? I'm sure someone will know what I should do :)

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Starlightbright1 · 27/01/2015 23:04

I was thinking the same as defineme It is a good thing he hasn't noticed..

If you are concerned about his weight and his diet...You can change this at 10..

If he doesn't have a good diet at this age when you can repetitively control his diet it will get harder..

You do seem more concerned about someone saying something than how to address the issue. Kids can be very cruel so it is likely at some point someone will say something.. If he is considerably overweight.

AugustaGloop · 27/01/2015 23:09

I find the tone of your posts odd, like it is only his responsibility and not yours. I think it is far more important that you realise he is overweight than that he does. He only eats lots of mcds because you buy it. He only eats pizzas and cakes because you buy/cook them. It is like you want him to realise to absolve you of the responsibility of doing something about it - if he decides no more mcds that is easier for you than you having to say no to him. If you are that worried about him getting upset about someone saying something, then why did you not sort it?
sorry if I am being harsh. It reminds me of my mums attitude to my older brother. I am sure you feel more responsibility than is coming across in your posts.

Seriouslyffs · 27/01/2015 23:09

It's great that he's not noticed but I'm bemused at your attitude. Unless you're going to tell us that he lives abroad and you see how fat he is on Skype you're perfectly placed to sort this out!

CarolDW · 27/01/2015 23:15

After reading some of these replies it would seem that I'm actually lucky that he hasn't realised his weight problem, I want to try and make very subtle changes to his current lifestyle so he doesn't start to ask why the changes are happening.

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Starlightbright1 · 27/01/2015 23:16

I really think there is something missing from this post..... You are concerned with his weight..yet feed him crap....Does he pick what he wants for tea? Does he cook or you?

sanfairyanne · 27/01/2015 23:19

this is up to/and down to you (and his other parent) not him
he doesnt need to realise. you need to increase his exercise and offer better food choices

CarolDW · 27/01/2015 23:19

I think I spoil my DS too much, he's not used to being told that he can't have things he wants. I need to try and stop pandering to him when he wants food

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Seriouslyffs · 27/01/2015 23:26

Definitely. What exercise does he do? Can he walk to school? Can you do a whole family 'let's get fitter drive'?
And at 10 you can be a bit devious. Leave your purse at home if you're near McD with him and find the £2.29 for a Happy Meal in the bottom of your bag.

Coyoacan · 27/01/2015 23:27

Well McDonalds in itself has made many, many people fat. Most of my dd's friends from primary school are huge women now and the ones that aren't, are the ones who never ate in McDonalds.

I take back my softly, softly approach. Don't say it is because of his weight, but you seriously need to change your son's diet now, and not just because of the weight.

Seriouslyffs · 27/01/2015 23:29

Ditto with eating at home. Tell him you've read some worrying stuff about additives and saturated fats and stop buying fizzy drinks and biscuits. Fill up the fruit bowl and tell him to have an apple if he's hungry!

Ohmygrood · 27/01/2015 23:31

My ds seemed chunky at 10/11 but he wasn't overweight according to the NHS scale. Have you put your ds's measurements into the online thing?
Anyway now my ds is taller than me and very slim. So my point is that your ds's body shape may well change as he grows.

CarolDW · 27/01/2015 23:32

I've checked my sons height and weight on the NHS bmi calculator and he was in the 96th centile

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nikki1978 · 27/01/2015 23:35

My ds is 8 and the same weight and height. He is very overweight I think. If you put in his measurements it is 99th percentile plus. He is dyspraxic and possibly mildly autistic which makes things harder as he loves to eat (I think it is a sensory thing too as he chews on other stuff when not eating!). He doesn't get enough exercise which I am trying to change by taking him and his sister swimming twice a week and hopefully getting him to try martial arts (he hates doing classes but I do try to introduce new things every now and then hoping he will enjoy them!). I give him a good breakfast of scrambled egg and smoked salmon every morning, he has school dinners but I am going to change to packed lunch soon so I have some control of his lunchtime food. I also say no when he overeats at home now. I used to give in to his constant nagging for food but it isn't doing him any favours so I let him have a snack then dinner and pudding and maybe an apple before bed. He moans but I say he doesn't need more energy now as that is what food is giving you. Fingers crossed his weight will stabilise soon. He does get teased but like your ds is pretty unaware and doesn't care too much.

CarolDW · 27/01/2015 23:36

I think it's obvious that my son is overweight just because of his body shape/size

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Seriouslyffs · 27/01/2015 23:38

What did he eat and what exercise did he have today OP? We can make some suggestions...

CarolDW · 27/01/2015 23:49

Here's what he's eaten today

Breakfast: coco pops, 1 slice of toast with peanut butter

Lunch: (at school) chicken burger and chips with beans, went back for seconds and got another chicken burger and more chips. Had chocolate fudge cake for desserts, and also ate a little bit of his friends chocolate fudge cake.

Dinner: Pepperoni pizza

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nikki1978 · 27/01/2015 23:55

Wow his diet is really bad. Get rid of the coco pops and add egg to the toast, give him packed lunch if he is allowed to do seconds at school. Dinner needs to have vegetables!

Adarajames · 28/01/2015 00:00

That would make an adult fat! Do you not care about your son? About the risk of diabetes / heart attack / stroke / lifelong weight battles you're aetting him up for?! You are the adult, stop sounding so pathetic and do something about it! Change what you serve at home, pizza is rubbish, why no salad / tomatoes / veg with it?! Why no fruit?! Get a grip woman!

CarolDW · 28/01/2015 00:00

He also had a chocolate bar and some Pringles today

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TSSDNCOP · 28/01/2015 00:05

You are surely kidding.

He is 10 and you allow him to eat that crap in a day? Is that a typical day? How is he eating that at Primary school?

You can easily sort breakfast and dinner, and frankly you should start tomorrow.

Seriouslyffs · 28/01/2015 00:06

Buy those variety packs of cereals- they're expensive but portion controlled and he'd have 1 cocoa pops followed by a few days of cornflakes/ Special K, etc. Peanut butter is good and in an ideal world it would be on brown bread but at least buy thin bread so you're upping his protein to carb ratio. School dinner is shocking! But concentrate on home for the time being.
Pepperoni pizza? What size? Buy thin crust and smaller and if you normally cook 2 ( who else is eating with him?) cook one pepperoni and one marguerita and give him half of each. What did you serve with it?

MrsCs · 28/01/2015 00:06

Do you not feel bad about giving your child such a terrible diet? Regardless of his weight that is a disgusting list of food. Parenting is about doing the right thing for your child not just the easy option.

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ravenAK · 28/01/2015 00:06

School dinners ARE crap. It's a shame, but there it is.

I have a 10yo with podgy tendencies, so a) he has a packed lunch (not school carbofest) which contains lots of fruit & b) I cook something with lots of veg for tea.

It's not that painful a process - a year or so of fussiness (dd1 going through that stage now) - & he'll now wolf down whatever is on his plate simply in order to crack on with his life.

Obviously, that won't work for a dc with real food aversions, but the answer for me was just to accept that mine eat an awful lot of stodge when they're at school, none of them are wasting away, so my job is to keep them from getting scurvy by feeding them shitloads of fruit'n'veg at home & not worrying too much about filling them up.

Seriouslyffs · 28/01/2015 00:07

Just don't have chocolate bars and Pringles in the house. And please don't wish he'd notice and moderate himself, it really is your role.

CarolDW · 28/01/2015 00:09

I'll admit I was surprised by how much he ate for dinner at school, ive told him not to get seconds for school dinner but he ignores me.

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