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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

DS 10 doesn't seem to realise/care that he's overweight

120 replies

CarolDW · 27/01/2015 21:35

My 10 year old boy is overweight, he's 4"5 and weighs 6st7lbs. He really does look quite fat especially when compared to other boys at his school. The problem is that he doesn't seem to realise that he is overweight or that it is a problem, he just seems completely oblivious to it and I don't know why. Should I try talking to him about it or should I just give him a hint about it ? I'm sure someone will know what I should do :)

OP posts:
TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 28/01/2015 00:09

Not great. coco pops are quite sugary. Peanut butter is very high fat & you absorb much more than you do from whole nuts. Fat is fine but it needs to be less processed. Most peanut butter is quite salty & sugary too.

School shouldn't give him seconds? and fudge cake, seriously? They really can't take the moral high ground here if you want to switch him to packed lunches, can they.

Pizza - how much? A slice, a 6 inch, a 4 inch? Thin or deep pan?

Lots of fat, lots of highly refined carbs (ie sugars), lots of processed stuff & salt, very little fibre. 1 portion of veg, maybe a bit more if you count the pizza sauce.

Suggest wholemeal toast & an egg, or porridge, or muesli for breakfast.
You need to address lunch.
All meals should include vegetables, or fruit after.

Big sugary puddings should not be a daily occurrence. It's a treat, to be indulged in occasionally.

ravenAK · 28/01/2015 00:11

Is he getting FSM? If not, swap to a packed lunch.

MrsCs · 28/01/2015 00:14

You don't seem particularly upset by this situation. I'd be so ashamed at feeding my child this rubbish. My toddler had baked salmon with stir fried veg and noodles for tea.

Zebda · 28/01/2015 00:14

Based on your posts, think diet is the first thing to look at. What your DS has eaten today would be 3 weeks worth of treats for my DC. They get a burger or pizza type meal once or twice a week at most, the rest if the time only healthy food. Snacks are fruit and other nutritious things. Breakfast is never chocolatey/sugary option (I just don't buy the added sugar options)

The food he's had at home aside, I'm quite surprised by the school meal as well, this would be a once a term on a Friday-type meal at our school, the rest of the time it's rice, pasta, boiled potatoes etc.

Is he aware of healthy foods vs junk foods?

chickydoo · 28/01/2015 00:14

I have a 10 year old DS. He weighs 4 stone 3 lbs and is average height. He is quite skinny.
Exercise, running around everyday, football, tag at playtime and a good home cooked meal. Not too many snacks.
Why do you buy your son burgers if he is overweight?
Don't have snacks in the house.
Tell him you are all going to eat healthily for a while, get him involved. He will,I am sure have noticed already he is bigger than his friends. If you act now it is in his best interests.

CheeseandGherkins · 28/01/2015 00:24

Seconds at school aren't the issue. You are setting him up for an adulthood of being overweight. It will be your fault. You go out and be active with him, do a lot more and get the food healthier. Don't make an issue out of it.

CarolDW · 28/01/2015 00:24

If he hasn't noticed that he's bigger than his friends, his friends seem to have noticed that he is bigger than they are, especially now he's starting to get too fat for his school uniform.

OP posts:
CheeseandGherkins · 28/01/2015 00:27

I'm not liking the way you keep calling him fat either, it just doesn't sound right to me.

Adarajames · 28/01/2015 00:27

You have got to be on a wind up as surely no adult could be this utterly uncaring and stupid about how crap a diet that is and how it's totally your fault your son is overweight!

CarolDW · 28/01/2015 00:30

I'm just trying to be honest- the problem is that he is too fat, I don't want to disguise it by describing him differently. I am very caring for him, which is why I made this thread in the first place.

OP posts:
Adarajames · 28/01/2015 00:36

You are feeding him sugar and fat, nothing if any nutrient value at all! Hardly the actions of a caring parent!

Lucked · 28/01/2015 00:43

I think you have had some good advice, if you are worried about what other kids might say or do as well as his health then you need to get this sorted by high school which can be a tough environment.

Breakfast and evening meals are within your control as are snacks. How about the whole family go on a health kick. Sweets and chocolate only at weekends. 5 portions fruit and veg a day. Trashy meal only once per week. Don't make too much food so less availability of second helpings. Remember kids are allowed to be a bit hungry if a meal is on the way, it actually makes you appreciate the meal more and it will make him more likely to eat food he may turn his nose up at if he hasn't already snacked on chocolate and Pringles.

What does he drink?

Lucked · 28/01/2015 00:49

I don't think this is a wind-up, I think a lot of children in this country have this diet but perhaps not a lot of MN kids.

How is you cooking OP? why have you slipped into these unhealthy patterns with your son? Is you own diet healthier, regardless of your weight?

mrscumberbatch · 28/01/2015 00:51

How do you know that his friends have noticed his weight?

You sound like you're projecting your own weight issues/attitude onto your son.

If you really cared you wouldn't be feeding him crap at home and letting him slob about. I don't care how sedate he is, ive yet to meet a kid that doesn't want to take up archery or trampolining or competitive dodge ball or the myriad of other fun things available to them.

If you're going to speak the way that you have written here dont dare mention his weight in any way to him. Out of everybody it is your attitude that is the most lacking.

ishouldntsaybut · 28/01/2015 07:44

OP I know this is difficult, however you have identified all the issues - his inactivity and his diet.

It's hard to make changes when your older son remains slim with a similar diet. I think what is required is some honesty. Tell him you are concerned that he/you/the whole family has put on some weight and you want to see what little changes you can make. Ask for his input as well.

My son is also 10, a similar weight but about 5-6 inches taller and I also have concerns. His diet is not great however I insist on packed lunches. Personally I would be having a word with the school - the dinners sound unbelievable - and offering seconds!! Totally unacceptable.

Our children are always a worry but maybe now is the time to start making some small changes that will hopefully become lifelong for him. Unexpectedly my son is joining a judo club with his friend - would never have done it himself, maybe worth seeing whats on in your area and if any of his friends would like to go to a club with him. Cubs/scouts is also fab, seem to run them ragged but great fun. Good luck.

Starlightbright1 · 28/01/2015 07:44

Is there a reason you don't cook proper meals....This is an unhealthy days meal for anyone..Where is the fruit , where is the veg.

Feed him like this as a child he will end up a very obese adult. My DS is nearly 8 tall for his age. weights 2 1/2 stones lighter than your DS..

He has what we call picnic tea twice a week as he calls it..Sandwich, olives, fruit , dip, cheese string as he has hot dinners.

Puddings are yoghurt's or rice pudding.

Most nights he has home cooked meal which is something made from scratch. I cooked large joint Sunday for Sunday dinner, made half left overs into a curry Monday and a load of veg in a creamy sauce Tuesday. Thats not to say he never has junk food, He had pizza a week ago...

I am afraid the blame does lie with you because you are feeding him high fat meals.

Are you eating the same foods and overweight?

NickiFury · 28/01/2015 07:54

I don't believe this is true. It's got that "lots of little WTF! statements but no real engagement" tone to it. Not a particularly good wind up though I have to say.

Cliffdiver · 28/01/2015 07:55

You DS's diet is shocking op - really, really shocking and if you continue letting him eat like that you're going to dramatically reduce his long term quality of health.

You need to take control of breakfast and supper.

Keep the peanut butter on toast (but swap for wholemeal if you're not using it already), ditch the Coco Pops and introduce porridge and fresh fruit or a boiled egg.

Try and encourage him to make healthy choices at school, maybe a reward chart may help?

If he is having 'dinner' at school he doesn't need another meal in the evening. Give him a snack when he gets home from school - maybe grapes, a little cheese and a breadstick? Then a 'lunch' type supper such as sandwich or homemade soup with veg and hummus, yogurt, a flavoured rice cake inplace of crisps.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 28/01/2015 08:01

Make your own burgers OP and grill them - so much healthier.

Have "meat free Monday" every week.

Keep a homemade fruit salad in the fridge for them to pick at.

Keep popcorn in the cupboard it's good for fibre.

PookBob · 28/01/2015 08:07
Hmm
LedditGo · 28/01/2015 08:16
Confused
ArcheryAnnie · 28/01/2015 08:48

CarolDW good for you in asking for advice to make changes.

First of all, don't go on and on to him about his weight. This has never made any fat person in the history of the world lose weight - quite the opposite.

But you do control what kind of food he has access to. Eg don't have pringles or chocolate in the house, even if you want them.

I'm a terrible cook, and I find it boring. I've solves this by making veg stew a lot - my DS likes this, it's amazingly easy to make, it costs very little, it's filling and comforting, and it gets a ton of veg down DS with no effort at all. We still have a takeaway from time to time (about once every 10 days?), but it isn't junk food every day.

At school, who pays for the extra meals and the cake and so on? If he is paying by meal, just give him enough money for five meals a week, then if he's eaten them all by Wednesday, a week or two of that will make him slow down on buying extra meals.

Mine has toast for breakfast every day, plus I start when he's still bleary-eyed by shoving a peeled banana in his hand, which he eats before he has realised it, thus filling him up a bit on a piece of fruit (and one of his five a day) before he eats anything else.

But the biggest thing, I think, which means although I am a fat parent with terrible food habits, but have a child who is pretty fit and has good food habits, is exercise. I don't drive, his primary school was quite a long way away, and so we had to walk. So, from the age of four he's done more than an hour's brisk walking every day, just to get to and from school. It's cheap, reliable and makes a huge difference to his fitness. (He doesn't have any other scheduled fitness activities, and is bored by most sports.)

Thinking of starting small, if he's a couch potato, does he have Wii sports?

avocadotoast · 28/01/2015 08:49

I'm really hoping this is a wind up. He's 10! Granted at that age he should have some concept of healthy and non-healthy food but he is 10. It's not like he has a choice as to what food is kept in the house.

OP, if you're struggling with this then I would go see your GP. They may be able to give you some ways of dealing with it.

avocadotoast · 28/01/2015 08:50

(Although the first step is admitting that this is your responsibility and not relying on your 10-year-old to "realise" that he's fat ffs.)

holmessweetholmes · 28/01/2015 09:28

How is it going to help if he 'realises he's fat'? If he is being fed unhealthy crap at school and the same at home, what choice does he have in the matter? He's 10, not 18. His diet is down to you, not him.

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