Accepting change when you hoped things would be different.

[tryingtobezen]

My DS is 12 and used to be very active and enjoy playing football, he's good too. But now he doesn't want to do any sports at all. He likes PE but won't try any after school clubs or any paid ones. I had hoped he would be sporty and fit and maybe he will later but I find it hard to let go of my ideal in this respect and worry about his future.

Haven't got any advice but I can sympathise. My 12 year old DS also will not do any after school clubs or paid sports activities. Unlike your DS he has never been into organised sport but he used to be very active, playing outside at the park and going out on his bike all the time. Now he just uses his bike to get to his friends' houses a little quicker and is getting too old for running around games at the park and no running around play at high school break or lunchtimes either.

If you are very keen that your DS be sporty and fit and are anxious about his lack of exercise, it is possible that he is deliberately refusing sport/exercise as a (pre)teenage act of rebellion as he knows it is going to really wind you up?

that's a good point I try not to keep on about it, I ask if he wants to join any clubs to let me know .Do you think it's a pre-teen thing then. He, like most others his age, wants to use his tablet all the time. He tells me his friends don't have screen limits like he does.

So possibly he sees sports clubs as cutting into his screen time also? Unfortunately no sport is as interesting as screentime for my DS.We do have a timer on his xbox and his ipad has been taken away from him at a moment.

My 13yo is just the same, although has never been interested in and was never good at sport, he did do lots of active outdoor stuff.

Cadets has been brilliant for him, getting him outdoors and active and away from the screens. He's away hiking/camping ATM while I'm indoors looking at a screen

My 12 year old dd not so keen on organised sports. But loves going for a long bike ride with us or goes swimming with her friends at the weekends. She especially loves the swimming it is just the fun session on a sunday morning but they stay in for at least 2hrs!
She even went rock climbing with her granddad over the summer.

Would he try something a bit different or just swimming for fun? like skiing, ringos, xbobs, snowboarding or roller disco?

I think sometimes, even at 12/13/14, you have to tell them rather than ask them. Rather than asking if they fancy swimming, tell them you're all going, or that you've booked them in for the climbing wall, or booked a badminton court.

And don't be too generous with lifts. Anything less then 5miles in daylight hours DS1 takes his bike.

My son hated any type of club. We've tried footy, rugby, scouts, martial arts etc all wanted to be done by him for about 3 weeks.
He can't bare to be taught. He's taught all day in school and clubs are basically being taught something.
I too was worried about this until I read about good child development. It states that clubs aren't great for kids social , emotional and cognitive development. That free play and socialising gives them risk understanding skills, fine social skills and prob solving skills.
I am happy that my lad now skates with friends and messes about up the canal. Took time to get my head round though.

Very interesting point Hey about clubs and child development. I guess as long as they are reasonably active and not glued to a screen day and night then maybe clubs are not for everyone. At this age teens spend so much time in groups both in school and socially I can see why yet another group activity in the form of a club might not be attractive.

Can you link physical activity with screen time? So, if he spends an hour a week physically active (any kind he likes - he chooses), he gets an hour (or amount that you agree) screen time. Start with school PE, so he has a baseline 'social/play' (i.e. not computer time needed for homework) amount. he can use it in one lump or spread it thoughout the week. If he chooses to do an hour of activity - whether that is a club or playing footie in the park, or swimming alone, or even walking home from school instead of getting a lift - he gets more screen time.

That provides an incentive to be physically active (good for his health) in a way that is not linked in with joining a particular club. You could include Scouts etc. in the list of eligible activities, if that is something you'd like to encourage, or indeed any activity that he currently does, that you want to reward.