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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

DD, aged 12, wants to go to woods with year 8 boy at half term. Help!

18 replies

Snowbell · 20/05/2014 23:04

She is in year 7, he is in year 8 at same school. She does love making dens and exploring woods, climbing trees, etc, and says he does too. I have not met him. When i asked if this was a date she got annoyed with me, said why can't she just have a male friend. Shall i just say no? Invite him to our house instead so we can meet him? I remember when my nephew was his age - he was almost 6 foot tall! Could this be innocent? Did not expect any of this till next year. Help!

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 20/05/2014 23:06

I think you are over-reacting massively .

CointreauVersial · 20/05/2014 23:10

Hmm.... I'd probably want to meet the lad first, particularly if it's just them. Probably nothing to be concerned about, though.

MissMilbanke · 20/05/2014 23:12

If it were my son aged 13 then yes, it would be totally innocent. If he found a like-minded female friend interested in the same things you describe then they would be doing those things.

Being 6 foot is irrelevant.

On the other hand If it were my daughter, I would want to meet him just to get the measure of him.

One thing that puzzles me is if they are in different years - how do they know each other, is it a very small school. Its just in my experience different year groups hardly mix ?

HerrenaHarridan · 20/05/2014 23:20

She told you about it.

If you try and ban it next time she will just lie to you.

Maintain the honesty it's worth a lot more in the long run than flexing your authority

hmc · 20/05/2014 23:26

I imagine it is fine - but agree, invite him over first

AnyFucker · 20/05/2014 23:29

A 12 yo girl referring to "male friends" seems a bit unusual to me.

Footle · 21/05/2014 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bloodyteenagers · 21/05/2014 00:17

What do you think they are going to do?
You realise that opposite sexes can have the same interests and be friends?

Maybe I am weird but I really don't see what the problem is. Don't see why you have to meet him first. If it was a girl would there be suggestions of meeting her first?

Nocomet · 21/05/2014 00:18

DDs best friend at primary was a like minded boy at 16 and 15 they still meet up now and again. They often wander off together or go to his place when his parents are else where in the village. No one worries they are just playing computer games and talking about Dr Who. Both find teen stuff hard work.

DogCalledRudis · 21/05/2014 07:29

On another thread there was a general consensus that gender stereotyping is wrong. But girls having a male friend is unusual???
Whoa...
I had many male friends that age. But when anybody asked if that's a possible boyfriend, my reaction was ewww

Coconutty · 21/05/2014 07:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThirteenHorses · 21/05/2014 07:43

I'm not sure I like the sound of ' the woods' as a destination for unaccompanied children full stop, the sentence that slips into my head is something like :

'The bodies were found by a dogwalker in nearby woodland early this morning...'

but, my kids are smaller so I'm probably misjudging it.

BadRoly · 21/05/2014 07:45

Well knowing my dd1 (also 12 but yr8) I wouldn't be hugely alarmed as I know she has got several good friends who happen to be boys.

However, over the past 2 years we have watched Glee together and I have used it as a way of talking about various situations. So she is very aware of the importance of saying 'no' and removing herself from a situation she isn't comfortable in.

BadRoly · 21/05/2014 07:46

Oh and I would add that yes, I would probably try and get to meet him first, could he 'call' for her?

MarathonFan · 21/05/2014 08:07

Thirteen - I love it when my DC enjoy "proper" childhood things playing and building dens in the woods, far better than being in each other's rooms with computer games or hanging around the "mall" IMO. They're 11 & 13 and probably started going to the woods with friends around 10yo. OP, is going to the woods a normal childhood activity in your area? How close are the woods?

DS1 (yr8) seems to have several girls he's friendly with and although he doesn't seem to have any interest in having a girlfriend yet I have to admit if he were going with one girl, rather than a group of friends I'd be thinking it was time to have refresher of "the talk".

I think you have to let her go, for the reasons others have said but yes, meet him first and have a good talk with her about what she would do if she were uncomfortable - in any situation, not necessarily specifically this one.

Original poster

Snowbell · 21/05/2014 09:07

Thanks for all your replies. Think we do need to let her go after meeting him first. You're right to say if we just say no she may start lying. She met him doing an athletics competition at school. Years 7 and 8 are put together as lower school. Woods are basically in the town so dog walkers and people going to high street passing through. Will have a talk with her beforehand but try to keep it light.

OP posts:

Takver · 21/05/2014 16:24

Sounds very harmless to me - if she were up to anything dubious, I suspect she'd be less open about it. My yr 7 dd loves making 'shelters' (aka grown-up dens) with one of her friends, who happens to be a boy.

Equally I don't see anything wrong with you wanting to meet her friend first before they go off together, regardless of whether it is a girl or boy.

To those who were surprised re. cross year friendships, I think maybe things have changed? One of dd's closest friends in school is a girl in yr 9, in fact she's the only new (non-primary) friend who's been round to our house. DD also I know sometimes hangs out with kids she knows from out of school drama who are mostly yr 9 & 10. Would never have happened in my day

ThirteenHorses · 21/05/2014 17:02

Thirteen - I love it when my DC enjoy "proper" childhood things playing and building dens in the woods, far better than being in each other's rooms with computer games

Oh, so do I, we do all that stuff as a family all the time - I'm just not familiar with kids who are old enough to be 'off leash' just ignore me

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