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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

Getting dd 10/11 to school when refusing

11 replies

Takesalongtime · 27/03/2014 10:26

Just exactly how do you do it??? I'm at my wits end, house full of kids in am so don't want things to be too heated. This morning ended up leaving her home & then going back to get her. She's refusing to get dressed & ready- goes back to bed.
She's not like ds 5 who I can pick up & carry if need be. Any ideas??

OP posts:
LastingLight · 27/03/2014 15:47

Why is she refusing to go to school?

mercibucket · 27/03/2014 15:58

why doesnt she want to go? homeschool?

Original poster
Takesalongtime · 27/03/2014 17:57

She complains feeling unwell. Been to docs for blood tests etc to try & see if a problem. But the times I've kept her off she is then fine. But now she has started to become very angry & violent. Been into school but they can't see anything at school going on. Her school are very geared towards SATS but usually she is fine with tests etc. I just can't carry on dealing with it every day

OP posts:
Original poster
Takesalongtime · 27/03/2014 17:58

Home schooling not an option as need to work

OP posts:
HolidayCriminal · 27/03/2014 18:06

Are you sure there's no emotional/social/people problems? I would probe very hard for those.
You apply whatever leverage you have. Wifi, money, social life, food, whatever it takes. Sympathies. Flowers

mercibucket · 27/03/2014 20:26

prob something going on at school. get to the bottom of that. maybe just sats pressure but could be bullying for example.

Original poster
Takesalongtime · 27/03/2014 21:40

Really don't think bullying- she's more than capable of holding her own& is often a madam! Ive also chatted to her about it & she's sure everyone fine. I just need some techniques to
Be able to get her into school

OP posts:
mercibucket · 27/03/2014 22:04

children can be different with peers, or maybe she is too bossy with them? what does she say about not feeling well?

Original poster
Takesalongtime · 27/03/2014 22:08

I can see that there is a poss of her being too bossy. She's always got stomach ache & headache. Yet last night we were out for dinner & surprisingly fine.
She's been in late every day this wk to school but can't carry on. But physically I can't force her. She has lost awful lot of privileges but doesn't seem to make much didf

OP posts:
MostWicked · 27/03/2014 22:19

Physical symptoms can manifest themselves from worry, stress, anxiety etc. She could well be sick from worry. Even if the physical symptoms are made up, there is a reason why she is school refusing and you will never get her into school reliably, unless you get to that problem. All the sanctions in the world, are not worse than the issue that is causing her to refuse. That is why they don't work.
I suspect SATS, but it could be all sorts of things. Even kids who are on track to do well in tests, can have a panic that they will not meet the expectations they have of themselves.

missymayhemsmum · 30/03/2014 22:17

If you think it's SATS pressure, could you offer her option of taking SATS week off if she goes until then?

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