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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

Spending time with DD

25 replies

Mumofjz · 18/03/2013 15:12

Just looking for some inspiration as what to do with DD(11)

She has been asking for sometime now for just mum and daughter time, and though we do, it's not regular. So I have decide that come rain or shine, one day/half day per month is totally devoted to just her and me.

Now I'm looking for ideas as what to do that wont always cost money, put her brothers nose out of joint (theme park, pictures etc) and where we don't have to kick the boys out of the house!!! Any ideas?

OP posts:
BackforGood · 18/03/2013 15:17

The time I spend on my own with my 11 yr old dd, is when I'm taking her to the things she's interested in - in her case all the sports she plays, but obviously that will depend on your dd.

Theas18 · 18/03/2013 17:25

Take over the TV for an evening for a girly move night/afternoon. Popcorn included!

Or a cheap face pack pamper and nail paint session?

Or a walk somewhere in the country side (with ice cream/hot choc ina cafe after)

comfysofas · 19/03/2013 09:52

One half day per month?

Are you joking?

Is that all you can spare, do you not feel sad that she has had to ask for this?

MrsHoarder · 19/03/2013 09:58

Walk to a cafe
Go swimming (then cafe)
National trust type places or museums

Also why don't you give your ds a half day of mummy time too?

FireOverBabylon · 19/03/2013 10:02

I'd be looking at some time each week, maybe paint nails, plait her hair, bake together. Even if you wash up each night, with a different child drying each time, you'll get 1:1 time with them.

claraschu · 19/03/2013 10:03

My daughter likes mooching around a nice bookstore with me, and going to the cafe, going for a walk if food is involved, going to a museum if it's something that she is interested in (not art unfortunately), going swimming, especially if I bring one of her friends too. In the house, she loves playing games like cards or bananagrams, but I have to fake the enthusiasm. Her ideal evening with me would be to make a fire, have a nice dinner in front of it, play a game, then have me read aloud, or watch a film (sometimes we have trouble finding the right film).

AgentProvocateur · 19/03/2013 10:05

I don't know your family set up, but half a day per month isn't very much. Could you aim for something regular once a week, like ice skating with hit chocolate after?

Original poster
Mumofjz · 19/03/2013 12:41

I obviously spend more time with her than just this, going swimming, ferrying back and forth from activities, food shopping, watching tv, doing different hair styles etc etc.... but what she has asked for is alone time, with out the boys involved, just the two of us, no interuptions (IYGWIM)

And "yes" comfysofas, i do feel sad that she has asked for this, but i don't want you thinking i don't spend any time with her or even her brother MrsHoader/Fireoverbabylon, we spend alot of time together, doing things together, games, movie nights, bike rides, park. What she is asking for specifically is my undivided attention for a number of hours, not 10/20 mins her or there a few times during the day.

Ice skating would be good, but feel that would be unfair doing this on a weekly basis WITHOUT her brother! and again, would get quite pricey!

I like the idea of going out for walks etc....could even take the dog!

What i find hard is to think of things to do that wouldn't necessary be what we would love to do as a family.... going to the museum/art gallery, ice skating etc - i know the DH and DS would love to do this too.

She loves it when we go clothes shopping, it's just her and me, we usually stop for something dinner and then she cost's me an arm and a leg in claire's accesories!!!!! - obviously i can't afford this EVERY month!

OP posts:
Verycold · 20/03/2013 06:27

I don't think you need to feel bad, it sounds like you do lots of things as a family. I think devoting a whole day a month to one on one with one child is actually a lot, I do this maybe once or twice a year. My children seem quite happy as it is, what is behind it with your dd do you think?

Mrsrobertduvall · 20/03/2013 06:46

No reason why you can't go to museums/galleries...dh could take the boys on his own, or you could do it as a family at a later time.
Dd and I go for coffee a lot, or lunch, and try to get to the theatre every term.

Verycold · 20/03/2013 07:58

Not everybody has easy access to museums, and family set ups are different. I have two dds and a ds with special needs, my dh is doing a masters degree as well as working, not much family around, money can be tight..,What I'm saying is that people shouldn't necessarily feel guilty for not being able to devote as much one to one time as others.

Original poster
Mumofjz · 20/03/2013 11:09

i think she's asking for this as she is 11, high school starts this year, exciting time ahead, body changes (too quick for my liking Sad not quick enough for her Hmm)new friends etc... her DB is 7 and does interrupt at times when she is discussing issues! She likes the thought of just mum and daughter - feels grown up, doing grown up things!

I also want to do it, for probably the same reasons as her (above) and i am aware as she starts hitting her teens etc there is a chance she will become more closed off as to what is going on in her life and thought this way, at least the lines of communication are there, we both know that is when we can get together and chat, laugh, moan and discuss issues that may have not been raised at other times!

So......any other idea's as to what to do?

OP posts:
Startail · 20/03/2013 11:32

Does this have to be out the house?
My older DD loves cooking and decorating the table. Would DSs interrupt?

dyslexicdespot · 20/03/2013 12:09

Why don't you let her decide. You could set a budget, or tell her that you can't spend any money. I am sure she will be able to figure something out.

Original poster
Mumofjz · 20/03/2013 12:10

DS would interrupt, i think he sees that his aim in life is to be a pain in hers Grin

But that's a good idea, maybe we could do this as a treat DH & DS. Send them out for a couple of hours playing cricket or such like and we could arrange a nice dinner for them, courtesy of DD - we could make cakes, menu's, set table nice etc...?

OP posts:
LoganMummy · 20/03/2013 12:21

What about a girls day and a boys day - you & DD do something and DH & DS do something separate? Take it turn about staying in (one day girls stay in - baking, pampering, movie, scrap book making etc while boys go out to play sports or something and then swap on the next occasion). Hopefully that would keep costs down.

We got some great craft kits from amazon/eBay - paper planes, exploding volcanoes, beads, nail art etc. cost about £5 each.

Timetoask · 20/03/2013 12:32

These are the sort of things I do with my ds regularly and that he really enjoys:
ice skating rink, bike ride (at least 1 hour) and then a treat, cinema and then pizza, having fun in a swimming pool, reading a book together and then talking about it, looking up things on the internet that he is curious about, making things together (crafty stuff), going to the library to get a film with popcorn in our lounge, he also likes to cook so he gets to choose a recipe and we make it together.etc etc etc

Original poster
Mumofjz · 20/03/2013 12:41

Many many thanks, great idea's.

Love the boys and girls day, that way, DS will feel that he's getting one to one time with DH rather than mum & sister having a jolly and he's stuck with dad! Grin Also, feel that if doing this, we could make it more of an outing like pictures etc as the next month the other child gets to do that and not miss out.

I'll also get looking on Amazon and pull the cookery books out

OP posts:
BackforGood · 20/03/2013 17:53

Presumably, if she is 11 and he is 7, she goes to bed later than him ? What about saying that for 30mins every night, after he's gone to bed, you go into her room and do whatever she wants together - it may be doing her hair or reading outloud to her or helping with homework or stopping and playing a board game - it really doesn't matter what you do, but it's the opportuity to chat, uninterupted in her own ring fenced time.

Mumsyblouse · 22/03/2013 20:00

There's a big difference between the time spent in a usual day with one child (in amongst food, washing, dressing, cooking, activities etc) and really dedicating time to one child, it's lovely you and her want to do this.

I do things with mine like get one of them to come food shopping (!) and choose a treat, or go to a cafe and have a cake together, or go clothes shopping. In other words, stuff we have to do anyway, but can be made into a fun parent-child occasion.

I bet your dd wants just to chat with you and really have your focus for that time, so I don't think it matters what you do, just that you really listen to her when you are doing it (which is why I might not bother with cooking or something where you are essentially still in charge).

Mumsyblouse · 22/03/2013 20:03

And- in our house, things are fair but not the same, in other words, I think it's important to be able to take one child out on their own sometimes for a bit of special time with one parent, even if it is just walking into town to the video shop and choosing their own DVD. Another time, a different child can go. I don't think everything has to be done altogether all the time, nor that the other child has to have identical experiences, they don't at school or with friends, it's ok to have a bit of slack in the system (as long as one child isn't favoured and both get special time).

dabdab · 27/03/2013 00:37

Sounds like you both need a hobby you could do together. Sewing something together? (Embroidered pillowcase for her bed?) Knitting, learning a new sport together (Zumba? Frisbee? When weather is better, obv) Any singing groups near you? Make a scrap book. Or maybe make a book in which you both write a film review of films you have seen together.

dabdab · 27/03/2013 00:37

Actually, maybe I should do some of those things with my own dd!

Original poster
Mumofjz · 27/03/2013 19:16

Aww thank you all, there are some lovely idea's here. I'm going to write a number of them down and give her the option. Have spoken with DH about this too with regards to this and that we will put it to DS that he too is having special time too.

OP posts:
pourmeanotherglass · 05/04/2013 23:09

my dd (10) loves cooking, and loves trying new things, so if I want to spend some time with her, I let her find a new recipe for us to make together.

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