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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Should I let my 11 yr old go to friends houses after school whom i have not met?

18 replies

candii · 05/10/2012 18:26

My son (who has just started secondary school), has been invited over to a friends house after school. Fine, but I don't know the family. He would have his phone with him so I'm thinking it would be ok, but now my Dh is worried because we haven't met them before. I think it would be overprotective not to let him go, what do you think?

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 05/10/2012 19:31

You are going to have to let go-once they go to secondary school you don't know the friends. If he has a phone you can go and collect him. Doesn't DH think he is sensible-does he have a history of 'undesirable' friends?

Sparklingbrook · 05/10/2012 19:40

Yes, you should let him go. I have had DSs' friends here even though I haven't met their parents and the DSs have been to theirs. I know where they are though and they have a mobile if they want fetching.

In all honesty what difference would it make to meet them? These children are school friends of your child after all...

LynetteScavo · 05/10/2012 19:43

When DS was in Y8 he wanted to go to a friends house after school (I was going to collect him before tea) I told him if he was uncomfortable he should start walking home and call me. Turns out they are the loveliest family ever.

TBH, the worst that is likely to happen is that they play COD. Do you have the parents phone number, to say you don't want him playing/watching anything unsuitable?

Sparklingbrook · 05/10/2012 19:47

And then they come home and tell you all about how fab the friend's house is all evening.....

exoticfruits · 05/10/2012 19:48

I think that I would be a bit upset if I got a phone call from parents I don't know saying that they didn't want him playing/watching anything unsuitable. I wouldn't in the first place-I would take grave exception to other parents thinking that I am not as responsible as them.

LynetteScavo · 05/10/2012 19:49

Yeah, their kitchen extension will be so fanatic and their mums chips will be amazing(even if the mum sent them to the chip shop for tea). And their dog so cool, and their air riffle so much fun....

BellaVita · 05/10/2012 19:50

You should absolutely let him go.

Sparklingbrook · 05/10/2012 19:51

Oh yes Lynette, it will all have been 'epic'.

LynetteScavo · 05/10/2012 19:53

exoticfruits, you may take grave exception, but I know some really nice families who own/ let 13 yo's play COD, but if I say I would prefer DS not to they respect that while he is there. Luckily they have nice sons, who don't resent DS for this. (Not to his face, anyway). They in turn have asked me not to let their DC to X?Y/Z at my house. I respect that. Peoples ideas of what is "suitable" can differ wildly.

Portofino · 05/10/2012 20:08

I think that learning that different families do different things is the first step for a child starting to make their way in the world. You can only instill YOUR values, you can't protect them from unpleasantness once they reach secondary school age. It is part of the process.

usualsuspect3 · 05/10/2012 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryZed · 05/10/2012 20:14

I was the embarrassing mum who would ring and say "ds says he has been invited to your house today, I hope that's ok and if he is being a twat here is my mobile and I will come and remove him "

You have to let them go. But you can ring and check.

Our school gives out a list of parents names, addresses and phone numbers of every child in the year which has been fantastic.

Of course all his friends houses are wonderful, their mums let them do anything they want and the food is superb .

Original poster

candii · 05/10/2012 23:00

Thankyou for all your replies. Sometimes it's hard to know if you're being overprotective or going to the other extreme!www.mumsnet.com/emo/te/11.gif

OP posts:

cece · 05/10/2012 23:09

It is hard. DD is in Year 7 also and today she has announced she is invited to a birthday sleepover. I have not met the family but have met the friend. She is very nice so, although worried, I think I am going to let her. Apparently there will be 6 of them going, so I think (hope) it will be fun and no inappropriate DVDs will be watched.

Himalaya · 05/10/2012 23:17

Yup you have to let them go!

Adversecamber · 06/10/2012 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryZed · 06/10/2012 23:53

Adverse, it isn't the school, per se. It's the parent's association - you fill in a form and can specify if you don't want your information shared.

I can't understand why parents wouldn't want it to be honest - it is really useful to compare notes find out whether "everyone else's mums let them" or not.

cory · 07/10/2012 14:10

I think this is a transition period where you gradually need to start training your dc in the idea that it is their responsibility not to be playing games etc that they know they are not allowed. It's only a few years until they will be going to parties with alcohol and they need a bit of practice.

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