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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

Preteen & embarrassing mum - how do you deal with it?

15 replies

freddiefrog · 06/08/2012 13:17

Well, I don't think I'm particularly embarrassing, but DD1 (11 in September) thinks I am.

I have bright red hair (pillarbox red), I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but I love it and have had it done for years. DD1 used to like it but now massively disapproves. She constantly asks me to change the colour to something more "normal". I went to the hairdressers for a cut on Saturday and for some reason (unbeknown to me) she'd got it into her head that I was going to dye it brown and burst into tears when I came home and it was still red

The other thing she hates, I have quite a lot of tattoos. Most are unseen on my body but I have a couple on my arms and one on my foot. It's been warm here so in flipflops and t-shirts they are on show, which she also finds incredibly embarrassing and asks me to cover them.

I don't dress outlandishly, but because of my hair and tattoos I look different to her friends' mums and she's beginning to find it embarrassing

We're in the throes of puberty at the moment and her mood swings are awful so I'm sure a lot of it is down to that but it's quite hurtful

OP posts:
RillaBlythe · 06/08/2012 13:22

I think you have to grin & bear it tbh. My brother went through a stage where he would walk behind/in front of our mum because she was sooooo embarrassing & he wanted to pretend he wasn't with her. He got over it.

My dd is 4 so no personal experience though.

NorbertDentressangle · 06/08/2012 13:23

I think she'll just have to put up with it.

Its just a phase she's going through - if it wasn't your tattoos or hair colour that she was embarrassed about it would be your dress sense is wrong or you drive an embarrassing car (whatever that is?!) or that you're too sociable/not sociable enough.

She'll come out the other side and most likely end up appreciating that she's got a cool mum who is a bit different and not a boring old fart like most of the others!

hattifattner · 06/08/2012 13:26

Im the worlds most embarrassing mum, because Im large, I have a double chin, I dont dress in high fashion, I dont wear make up, I dont have a "job" ....

I say Meh, and let them shrink in embarrassment. I will not be changing to suit my children. Who else whould they have to bitch about if I did that?

GetOrfMoiRing · 06/08/2012 13:26

It doesn't matter what you look like. I am very conservatively dressed and dd went through a stage of being mortified by everything I did and said.

I gave her short shrift for her rudeness tbh, but didn't make a huge deal of it.

RillaBlythe · 06/08/2012 13:27

My mum had a granny shopping trolley. Oh the shame! AND she used to meet us at school on her bike.

crazygracieuk · 06/08/2012 13:33

I think you need to grin and bear it.
Your dd doesn't realise that her friends probably like your hair and tattoos if not now, them certainly in a couple of years or so. I would just tell her that you don't tell her what to wear and what hairstyle to have and she needs to do the same.

I have the brown hair, no tattoos and my 11 year old son said that I am boring because I don't wear hair extensions and have a fake ran like his best friend's mum!

Original poster
freddiefrog · 06/08/2012 13:36

Thank you!

She does get a bollocking for rudeness most of the time.

Her friends seem to enjoy spending time at our house, so I can't be that bad!

OP posts:
JennerOSity · 06/08/2012 13:39

Yeah - just sit it out while reminding her she can't impose herself on you. It's character building and she'll grow out of it.

My own parents were mortifying when I was a teen, but they proudly defended their right to be themselves (can't say what it was as famous amongst my friends and would out me as completely unique for sure!)

I developed a thicker skin and respect for people who don't necessarily follow the flock as a result. Not a bad thing IMO

numbertaker · 06/08/2012 13:44

Normal behaviour. I am very conservative, I mean very. No tatoos, never coloured my hair. Minimal makeup, and clothes that cover. I treated myself to a pair of 'sparkley' shoes and my teen went..your not buying those are you.

Its the separation process. Its healthy.

Berris · 06/08/2012 15:13

I'm like you, I have tattoos, I did have red hair but currently 'normal'. I also have quite a few piercings. My 11 year old DD has found me embarrassing since she was about 8 or 9 (how quickly they grow up!). I actually consider the ability to embarrass your children to be a pinnacle of parenting achievement. I handle it by being proud!

Not sure my approach is the best, but it keeps me from getting down about this aspect of being a mum!

lljkk · 06/08/2012 15:34

Meh, threaten to turn up with bright lavender hair & even more tattoos if she doesn't stop going on about it.

Point out how boring the world would be if all the Mothers were interchangible. Bluntly observe that you are not a sheep and nor do you expect her to be. Suggest that she should dress identically to her friends in future if she wants you to look exactly like the other Mums Oh no, wait, teens already do that given half a chance. :(

NorbertDentressangle · 06/08/2012 15:48

My worst offence according to 12yo DD is driving with loud music and the window down.

It seems that doing one or the other is fine.... but both together causes her major embarrassment.

Of course, her big mistake is telling me because now I do it purely to wind her up Grin

NoComet · 06/08/2012 15:56

DD2(11) wants to fit in I'm BlushBlushBlushBlushBlushBlushpBlush

DD1(14) thinks peer pressure sucks and thinks mum is ok.

emmmmmmmm · 06/08/2012 16:50

that's completely normal. my DS is 12 this month and apparently i am embarrassing just because i am his mum! we walk the same way to the train station / bus stop in the morning and i have to kiss him on the street before the bus stop so his friends don't see. if we walk into town and he sees his friends he will walk ahead or behind me and instruct me not to talk to him! i tease him and tell him if he doesn't do his chores etc i will give him lots of kisses and hugs in front of his friends! heheh.

i would just tell you're daughter that you are proud to be an individual. my son sometimes gets picked on at school and called weird because he isn't a chav or doesn't like football. i just tell him that i am proud of him and he is a very cool kid...but apparently i know nothing!

RubyFakeNails · 06/08/2012 20:33

Its a phase. You could look exactly like one of her friends mums and she would complain about something else. Also be sure that her friends are as equally embarrassed by their mums.

Without blowing my own trumpet, I put effort into my appearance, I'm slim, I keep myself groomed and I work in fashion so dress in high fashion with quite a few nice bits. Her friends will compliment me and complain their parents are so unfashionable, while DD1 and at times DS complain why can't I be normal and wear 'mum' clothes and shop in fucking Monsoon or wherever Angry

You can't win so just ignore ignore ignore, she will get over eventually.

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