How do you encourage your dd to take more pride in their appearance?

[CeliaFate]

Dd has taken to wearing a "uniform" of crocs, leggings, baggy t-shirt and scraping her hair back and sticking it up in a severe bun.

She could look so much better and I've bought pretty clothes, hair accessories etc for her which she likes, but never wears. I think she's insecure about her looks (she's very tall and much chunkier than her friends) but I want her to make the most of herself.

How do I encourage her to do this without it sounding like a criticism? (which I guess it is, but I don't mean it to be iyswim?)

Emphatic, very very good point. Dd1 opts for number 2
She gets flak and tries to ignore it

She would rather be a penguin than a sheep.

She is just about to start secondary and I will support her if option 1 is how she wants to play it to begin with.

I know ALL too well about Option 2 and the flak that comes with it

Hmm too early
1 = a 2= b

Oh god my mother's still like this now and I'm 34. I appreciate that she has a different view of what suits me than I do but you know what? She Is Not Me.

LWH - my mum does this too and I am 35...to be honest I find it absolutely soul-destroying. Even when I have 'made an effort' I can see from the look on her face her absolute disapproval. And she has always been like this since I was a child.

OP - I would tread carefully with this one! I have always struggled with self-confidence after years of 'if only you would do this' type comments from my well-meaning mother!

I think my mum was really good at this and it only improved my confidence / self esteem when I saw how much better I could actually look. She did it by never criticising what I wore but taking me out shopping or to the hairdressers and making sure I had involvement and total final say in what I wore but she definitely steered me (probably sort of positive reinforcement) to age appropriate, comfortable clothing (for the bun fighters) which made the most of me.

I think it was a very gradual process but I'm a champion shopper now and definitely still try to look my best. I do feel, despite what everyone else here says, that if you look good on the outside you feel good on the inside.

I also think its nice that you care enough to ask.

It will come,

Average hight and weight DD2 (11) does fashion as naturally as breathing.

At her age taller, plumper DD1 was very like the OPs daughter very limited set of clothes she felt happy in.

Now she has grown in to a very shapely adult size 12, and her peers have reached a similar hight. She no longer feels different and she's a joy to take shopping.

Emphatic - I think they are good points for 13 / 14 yr olds, but the OP's dd is 11. She should be out playing / climbing trees / paddling / rolling down a grassy hill / coming in looking dishevelled, because she is a child.

(If it helps, yes, I have a 16 yr old, a 13 yr old and a 10 yr old, so do know, I'm not projecting).

Sounds like your DD is happy in her own skin
she may decide to change in the future,she may not
sounds like her self esteem is fine
sounds like her confidence is fine

sounds to me like she is trying to blend in.It can be hard for tall people to blend in.
One question I would ask is,are you embarrased by her?
If you are not,there doesnt seem to be a problem.

Help !!! My child is driving me insane she will only wear her school flares, she wears them in bed as pj bottoms and out of school and for every ocassion, she has two pairs (can't get hold of the same ones anymore )that I keep washing over and over I feel like crying, she will only wear the same trainers and thank god I'v managed to get the same pair in a bigger size and the same socks two pairs only, I've spent so much money on clothes, socks, shoes, I've even bought sensory ones, I've taken her shopping to choose, ive ordered to home so she can try, she choose and says yes I take the tags out and wash as she says they irritate her, then refuses to wear!!! And we back in same position, I'm don't want to spend anymore money on new stuff as I'm out of work at present and can't afford it this wastful ness. but there is nothing for her to wear help help help !!!