10 yr old son verbally agressive at home and swearing at school

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Don't know what to do. Think is definitely down to hormones, but son is trying to act like a tough guy. overly agressive to parents and siblings at home, telling lies and apparently same at school - except not to teachers. Don't want 'to go down the come down on him like a ton of bricks' route as tried that with my now 24yr old daughter when she was his age and it was just a downward spiral and gradually got worse in her teenage years. Seriously need advice and any ideas of any kind of specialist who could advise me on how to react to his behaviour and how to try and change it? His 4 and 5 year old younger brothers are starting to copy this behaviour -HELP!!!

I am sorry to hear you are having such problems but am glad you do not want to come down on him like a ton of bricks as fighting aggression with aggression will as you have already experienced make matters worse.

All your sons need to know it is not acceptable to behave in an aggressive way so there does need to be a consequence when any of them are aggressive. I would first decide what you want the consequence to be. Make it short and immediate, you don't want the punishment to take over the day.

Then when your son is calm talk to him. Find out if there is a reason why he is doing this. If he says he doesn't know try saying...but if you did know what do you think it may be. I know this sounds unlikely but you will often get an answer to this question. Then explain to him why he should not behave that way and what will happen if he does it again. Finally tell him you love him and let it go.

The next time he is aggressive remain calm and enforce the consequence letting him know why. Ask for an apology at the end of the consequence and check that he understands why. Then let him know you love him and let it go.

You need to be calm and consistent. After the consequence has been carried out keep an eye on him and make sure you praise him for the next thing he does well.

I hope this helps. Good luck

Thank you family angel for sound advice . Feel quite powerless at times as don't always have a good enough consequence. Football is the ultimate consequence, but I can't use it everytime! Think I will re-introduce the sticker chart - winner gets treat at the end of the week, as that worked quite well with his brothers too - they get quite competitive. I do praise good behaviour, but this is hi-lighted to a greater extent with the sticker chart. I have 5 children so there are quite a few conflicts too . My friend says this behaviour will only get worse, so I need to master the technique before he reaches 13!

We had a counsellor for ours who is similar and he recommended the book 123 Magic for our 11 year old (who is bigger than me!). It is definitely better than others, and makes you feel a bit more in control. It is also quite positive, rather than all about negative boundaries which some are. Actually I had forgotten about it, and we are going a bit off the rails again, you have reminded me to bring it out again!