This is not an easy age to parent!

[NotaDisneyMum]

I have lost count of the number of times DD10 has come home from school with pen/ink smudges on her hands - and needs to be specifically told to "go and wash hands, use warm water, soap and a nail brush if needed" as this does not seem to be something that she can take personal responsibility for, without constant reminders :(

Today, she came home from school with something written on her hand, and in response to my objections (I spotted it after she had been touching a new evening dress I had bought!), told me that her class teacher had told her to write it, so she didn't forget

Is this common practice now? I remember getting a ruler across the knuckles from a teacher if I wrote on my hand!

To make it worse, the reminder she had written was to take the return slip back from her school report she brought home on Friday - which imo, is my responsibility to remember, not hers.

You are right. My DD writes on her legs for some reason.
DH is a teacher and he writes on his hand to remind him to do stuff. I imagine DD has seen that and decided legs are good too.
Drives me bonkers.

Why does this matter?

"To make it worse, the reminder she had written was to take the return slip back from her school report she brought home on Friday - which imo, is my responsibility to remember, not hers."

Why does this make it worse? Is it not a good thing if a 10yo takes some responsibility for remembering what she has to take back to school? I expect my ds to remember what paperwork needs to get my signature to go back to school and would be more likely to tell him off for expecting me to nanny him: they will soon be going off to secondary school where they will need to be independent and keep track of these things.

I'd say- ink annoying, making notes of paperwork praiseworthy. By secondary they will have a school planner for this sort of thing, makes life a lot easier. And you can totally start blaming them if they forget something.

Pointissima - again, I find myself asking if I am so out of touch with parenting that it no longer matters that children have clean hands?

I expect DD to come in from school, change her clothes, wash her hands and brush her hair before she gets herself a drink/snack.
At what age can I reasonably expect her to do this without step by step directions every day? Or, is this no longer something that should be important in a family home?

I love your expectations. I have learned to aim high but take what I can get.
If DS hangs up his coat and bag before heading straight to the kitchen for a snack I consider that a result.

Really? Pen on her hands?

You're joking, right?

Cor. No wonder this stage of parenting feels like hard work.

Foofus -- if DS remembers to bring his coat and bag home from school, that's a result.

Loving the bit about the evening dress, btw. Is this some Disney plot that I've missed?

I always expect the DC to come in and wash their hands when they get home too. I can't abide grubby hands before tea. They also have a habit of putting their hands on the walls when going upstairs, so it's a preventative measure.

They are 11 & 8 and still need reminding too I'm afraid.....

Whoops. I write reminders/phone numbers etc on my hand quite often. Paper conservation and all that ;)

But don't they need reminding of everything ? Is that not just part and paercel of this weird inbetween age?

DS head is in the clouds. Permanently. If he does something without reminder, my god the big deal I make of it, you'd think he'd found a cure for the common cold.

foofus it's good to hear that, as DD an only child and I have no family members to call on, it's hard to know what is 'normal' and what is just DD trying it on!

NotADisneyMum - should give you some idea what to expect between this stage and them leaving home...

I was beginning to think I was one dealing with this.

DS1 is 8 and I swear I repeating myself all the fucking time!