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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

DD is 7 school thinks 'emotionally immature' and friends think 'too moany' what do I do?

9 replies

CoopedUp · 05/07/2011 14:11

This school year has been hard on all of us, I've been present but busy with DS preschool chairmanship and a new job. DD has had three teachers this year and a new head teacher, and somewhere along the line her 'best' friend decided she didn't want to play so much with her. She was lost.

Teacher 2 fed back that she was emotionally immature, but gave no direction to help. Friends nearby have said she moans too much, but have caught on that if they are losing the game they are playing, telling DD that's she's moaning will pretty much send her indoors, and hooray - they've won...

Party invites have dried up, invitations to play have died on their arses. We go to work, school, childminder, home, swimming, brownies, preschool fundraisers and family.
Am I too busy, and therefore being thought of as aloof? (probably)
Has she developed a negative reputation amongst classmates for being 'emotionally immature' and too moany?
Being less busy is one thing I'll be doing next academic year, but what do I do about the 'emotionally immature' bit. I can see the first signs of puberty, but I can't use that as an excuse. What is emotional immaturity for a 7 yo anyway?

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 05/07/2011 14:52

is she a summer baby? my ds is august 31 birthday....literally youngest in his year. teacher told me he was immature too.

i find spending time with older kids.....1 or 2 years older,has helped

applechutney · 05/07/2011 18:15

Well she is still very young, I too would be puzzled as to what 'emotional immaturity' means at this stage.

I would go down the route of inviting a classmate over on their own for the dreaded 'playdate'. I'm sure that there are other children in the class that she would enjoy getting to know better. Poor little girl, it's hateful being dropped by the supposed best friend.

Btw, what signs of puberty are you noticing? Seven seems awfully young for this!

Also, you may well be right that she is being manipulated with accusations of being 'moany', by her friends for their own devices. Children can be very cruel, as you know.

Anyway, the very best of luck to you and DD. I've been through similar, and it's hateful.

applechutney · 05/07/2011 18:15

Well she is still very young, I too would be puzzled as to what 'emotional immaturity' means at this stage.

Btw, what signs of puberty are you noticing? Seven seems awfully young for this!

Also, you may well be right that she is being manipulated with accusations of being 'moany', by her friends for their own devices. Children can be very cruel, as you know.

Anyway, the very best of luck to you and DD. I've been through similar, and it's hateful.

applechutney · 05/07/2011 18:15

Well she is still very young, I too would be puzzled as to what 'emotional immaturity' means at this stage.

Btw, what signs of puberty are you noticing? Seven seems awfully young for this!

Also, you may well be right that she is being manipulated with accusations of being 'moany', by her friends for their own devices. Children can be very cruel, as you know.

Anyway, the very best of luck to you and DD. I've been through similar, and it's hateful.

applechutney · 05/07/2011 18:16

Aargh, I only pressed 'post' once!

What the hell is my computer doing?

RoundOrangeHead · 05/07/2011 18:19

blimey, aren't all 7 year old kids whiney?

is she tired? my dd is at her moany best when tired and/or hungry

mathanxiety · 18/07/2011 18:57

I think emotional immaturity in a 7 year old is being inclined to be a sore loser or one who complains about rules of games when applied to her. It might also mean a child who says she won't play if the game isn't going to be played on her terms -- someone who doesn't negotiate and who doesn't do 'give and take' well. Is this your DD?

Children find this kind of child very annoying and hard to play with. I don't know about the manipulation aspect. I would be inclined to think where there's smoke there's often fire, in the remarks and reactions of other children. Whether they do it on purpose to get her out of the game or not, the fact that she leaves and doesn't engage any more with them indicates that she isn't able to shrug off criticism.

Resilience comes into it. Is she involved in competitive sport of any kind? A team sport where she would play games against other teams and cope with winning or losing might help on many fronts -- give her the chance to make new friends, persist even in the face of defeat, encourage team spirit.

Does she have regular chores to do at home, like taking care of the tidiness of one particular family room? How is her self-care? Does she take her own bath or shower, wash her own hair, put away her own clothes or sort them into the laundry? Children who develop a sense of competence and responsibility at home for their own self care and the general running of the home tend to become more mature in their dealings with others. 7/8 is the ideal age to start down this route.

mathanxiety · 18/07/2011 19:27

Some suggestions here might help. The ASD section probably doesn't apply but the rest might be useful.

But don't neglect getting her gradually involved in a consistent way in helping the house run smoothly, and doing all of her own self-care.

There are also lateral activities that can encourage emotional resilience such as board games that are a challenge, beginning chess or draughts, card games (beyond Old Maid, etc.) that encourage concentration and strategy as well as the luck of the draw, coping with winning or losing.

bullet234 · 18/07/2011 19:44

"I think emotional immaturity in a 7 year old is being inclined to be a sore loser or one who complains about rules of games when applied to her. It might also mean a child who says she won't play if the game isn't going to be played on her terms -- someone who doesn't negotiate and who doesn't do 'give and take' well. Is this your DD?"

I have no idea bout the OP's dd, but Ds1 who is just 8 is emotionally immature. When I describe him as being that, I mean that how he reacts and how he talks about things and the interests that he has are very much those of a much younger child, probably a four year old.

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