I want my toddler to go to pre school but Dad says no.

[Jesstoddlerboymum]

I have 2.5 year old boy.
I only work 16 hours a week, willing to work more. Im totally touched out and tbh not coping very well.
Ive always wanted our boy to experience nursery and now I want him to go to pre school. I want him to be around other children and believe it will be good for his development.
For his Dad, this has always been a flat out NO. He is extremely protective and believes something will happen to him of he goes to nursery because he reads all the horror stories.. but he doesnt ever look after our son, he runs his own business so 95% off the time, parenting is down to me.
I don't really know what im here looking to achieve but has anyone been in a similar situation?

What about when your son has to start school, does he have the same concerns?

Is a part time nanny an option? Or a nursery attached to a school?

Who looks after him when you work?

Does he read all the car crash, house fire, random attack stories too? You only hear the worst 0.5%, what about all the good ones?

At the end of the day you’re the main caregiver and it should be your call whether he goes to nursery or not. Husband is in the wrong, what will he do when your child goes to mainstream school?

I think preschool is usually good preparation for "big school" so I would say Dad is talking bollocks.

My three all enjoyed preschool and by the time they went (2.5 as it then was round here over 20 years ago) they were definitely ready for more experiences and stimulation than I could provide on my own at home. It also meant that they had already come to know a number of the children who they would be starting primary school with, which can surely only help.

How long does Dad want to wrap your child up in cotton wool for? Does he have similar concerns about him starting school and what does he propose to do about that?

I'd be sending child to preschool.

Tbh I don’t blame him for being overprotective and not wanting him to go to nursery. I wouldn’t send a kid until they was fully out of nappies and could talk. Hence why mine only went to school. I’d rather be safe than sorry

Do you need his dad’s permission to send him?

Most kids can do this by three so not sure why OP had to wait for school rather than preschool.

Nursery or preschool helps so much with preparing for school.

My son’s teacher commented that you can notice the difference between children that are used to the routine of school when starting reception and those that aren’t.

It also exposes children to more experiences and activities than 1 parent can provide.

My exact same reason x

My exact same reason x

Tell him you can’t cope any more. Arguments about the merits and demerits of nursery aren’t going to sway him, but your mental health and happiness is important too.

He needs to come up with another suggestion and not just say no. You aren’t default childcare and he needs to step up

Assuming a couple can afford childcare, the parent who would be staying at home is the one who has veto power in this situation. If you don't want to do it, he goes to childcare. If your husband doesn't want him to go to childcare, either he stays at home with your child or he goes to childcare. Your husband doesn't get to make that decision on your behalf.

This

Who looks after him when you work?
Preschool is a completely normal step for children and very few children in the UK skip it altogether. If he does no version of preschool he will likely struggle with the jump to reception.

Has your DH vocalised why he will suddenly feel different when DC is 4 in reception rather than 3 in preschool? Or does he expect you to homeschool?

The majority of preschoolers can fully talk and use the toilet.

You don't need his permission op, he can either help you vet nurseries or rearrange his own work to cover childcare or suck it up.
He isn't the boss of you or the house.

If he were the one doing all the childcare he might have some right to object, but if he's not doing any than I think he should accept it is your call.

And as someone quite rightly pointed out, he'll have to go to school. DS will not be under the watch of your or family members his whole life!

Whilst it does happen, there will always be risk, any time you get in a moving vehicle or cross the road your child is at risk.
My husband fortunately supported it and I did need it for my mental health and it means I have a healthier relationship with my children. Pre school has been really good for my kids and really helped the transition to reception. I think it would be a big culture shock without it. They do phonics, maths and lots of role play at an age appropriate level. Why not arrange to go with him to a local school to take a look, most schools are happy for prospective parents to visit and they can talk through safeguarding.

Her sons 2.5. My sons was almost 4 before he was clean.

Well if he doesn’t want his child in
pre-school he’ll need to step up and provide childcare to enable you to work. If he’s not prepared to do that he doesn’t get a say in how you arrange childcare that he refuses to participate in.

Is he really being 'protective' or does he just want to keep you stuck at home, busy with childcare, unable to work more? Some controlling men are like that.

He would likely start preschool in September surely? Your child might have been 4 but the fact remains most children are out of nappies in preschool. School nurseries generally suggest it as a requirement where possible.