I want my toddler to go to pre school but Dad says no.

[Jesstoddlerboymum]

I have 2.5 year old boy.
I only work 16 hours a week, willing to work more. Im totally touched out and tbh not coping very well.
Ive always wanted our boy to experience nursery and now I want him to go to pre school. I want him to be around other children and believe it will be good for his development.
For his Dad, this has always been a flat out NO. He is extremely protective and believes something will happen to him of he goes to nursery because he reads all the horror stories.. but he doesnt ever look after our son, he runs his own business so 95% off the time, parenting is down to me.
I don't really know what im here looking to achieve but has anyone been in a similar situation?

1. Your husband is not respecting you or your autonomy at all. You matter in this situation and if you would like to work more without handing your child over to incompetent grandparents then you should be able to do that. Does he share his earnings equally with you currently?

2. You are currently your child’s full-time care giver and thus you know what he needs best. He sounds ready to enjoy a bit of pre-school per week. Is your husband always going to allow his own fears to limit the experiences of his child?

3. Please make sure you never falter and agree to the homeschooling nonsense- you’ll be trapped.

Exactly my thoughts ^

My abusive ex tried to do the same. Funnily, after we separated he didn’t offer to reduce his working hours to avoid his child going to childcare.

As someone who sah until my sons started school I think your husband is unreasonable. The one providing the childcare surely gets to decide in this case. I loved being at home with mine and they thrived. But.. if I hadn't liked it they wouldn't have thrived and would have been better off at nursery. No judgment here, we are all different. I think your husband is a controlling dick tbh and he obviously holds no esteem of the work you do. For that reason AND that it's what you want I think you should def go ft. Your son sounds very advanced as well and will surely thrive in preeschol (after a couple of weeks of adaptation). Hold your ground @Jesstoddlerboymum !!!

Fuck that

id be back to work full time and leaving him to figure out he childcare himself. You can suggest nursery and if he doesn’t like it then he can quit work or drop hours

and quit his job to home school if he wants

or else I’d leave him and do nursery on my days and he can do what he wants his days

Mine were fine, no problems at all

Nursery isn’t the same as pre school.

I’m not sending nor have sent my children to nursery (don’t have to) but I am fully on board with pre school and you get it fully funded if you’re both working.

Pre school is a structured academic environment and a great bridge to starting school vs the informal environment of nursery. Just be aware it follows term times so you’d need childcare in school holidays.

It sounds like he isn't actually well-informed. Yes, bad things have happened to a handful of tiny children/babies in nursery. A three year old going to pre-school is a different proposition and will be absolutely fine. In fact, he'll love it. The consensus from the research is that while the evidence of benefit for babies going to nursery is not great, the benefits for older toddlers of going to pre-school are very clear.

As well as being ill-informed, it sounds like he is very anxious. It would be worth researching the impact of parental anxiety on children (spoiler: it's extremely damaging, unlike pre-school).

Finally, his attitude towards you seems poor. Does he see you as a full human being with your own valid desires and opinions?

It’s fine for him to want his child home schooled when he isn’t the one doing it. He sounds like he wants you home, attached to the kids where he knows what you’re up to. Which is controlling behaviour. What you do with that knowledge is up to you.

Socialising you child as early as possible is a great idea. Show your husband statistics about child development regarding this. It doesn't have to be full time or every day. You should stand your ground.

My first went to daycare at five months when I returned to work. With my second I stopped working, but he still went a couple days a week and when my DD turned one she went too. I definitely needed the break. It was all day and it made their transition to school a doddle.

He's being very unreasonable. My husband and I are pretty anxious parents but our son still goes to nursery and went from being 2 years old. It's been amazing for his social skills, talking, friendships, toileting, riding bikes, climbing, etc. I was a good SAHM but I couldn't provide some of what he has learnt at nursery. It's also really helped his to separate from me as he was very attached and would have broke his heart going to school if we hadn't gradually got him used to nursery first.

Socialising with other children is said to be a good thing. He's your child too so you have a say.

If you’re the main caregiver and as the mother you feel comfortable sending him, your husband needs to follow your lead in my opinion. Everytime I suggest preschool for my son my husband is on board because I’m a stay at home mum. Granted I’ve never actually sent him because I always doubt my decision and think I will wait a few months 😅 but then my husband just follows my lead and agrees to not send him. My husband is very well aware that I spend most of the time with him so I should be the one to make the call based on what I think is best for him. He will still give me his opinion when I want it but when it comes to our son he always trusts my gut instinct as a mother. I think this is the best way tbh.

I think it would be good for both of you. It wouldn't have to be full time, but a couple of sessions a week would mean he got to spend time with other kids to learn to socialise before school, and you get a little bit of time to yourself, which is so, so important.