I want my toddler to go to pre school but Dad says no.

[Jesstoddlerboymum]

I have 2.5 year old boy.
I only work 16 hours a week, willing to work more. Im totally touched out and tbh not coping very well.
Ive always wanted our boy to experience nursery and now I want him to go to pre school. I want him to be around other children and believe it will be good for his development.
For his Dad, this has always been a flat out NO. He is extremely protective and believes something will happen to him of he goes to nursery because he reads all the horror stories.. but he doesnt ever look after our son, he runs his own business so 95% off the time, parenting is down to me.
I don't really know what im here looking to achieve but has anyone been in a similar situation?

Not his call as he’s not doing the childcare.

it’s outrageous of him that he thinks he gets a ‘flat out no’ on what you do with your time? I would have laughed in his face and wondered how dare he.

this is really simple op.

if he doesn’t want him in nursery, he looks after him.

of course he doesn’t get to tell you to! - you’re not his slave.

To answer a few questions, my 2.5 is fully toilet trained and speaks amazingly
Both grandparents look after him when I work. I hate this because my husbands parents (70 years old) ignore my requests of no youtube or sugar. Therefore I know he would be better off at pre school.

My husband thinks its too much hassle with me going to work and me going to work 'isnt worth it' but I have chosen to work because I NEED a break.

Also my husband would prefer him to be home schooled but I just don't have it in me. Our boy is a bit wild and has a lot of energy. I dont have the patience to try and get him to sit and learn.

Interested to know how your kids transitioned in to school?
My 2.5 year old is fully toilet trained and can communicates extremely well

Of course it’s too much hassle for you to work and he wants you to homeschool.
OP it’s very important you do not give up your job for this man, there’s every chance you will want out of this controlling relationship in the near future and you should keep your independence.

Tbh op, I suspect your biggest problem is that your husband is controlling and misogynistic. What on earth has led you to think that he gets overall say in what YOU do for the next 15 years? He can of course lay down his preferences with your joint son, but with what you do with your time - why would he think he decides that?

Oh wow. You should move this to relationships

is he generally controlling?

does he have some unresolved trauma from his childhood?

what does he say when you tell him to do the childcare/homeschool if he’s so keen on it?

does he have much of a relationship with your son?

Your husband needs to get a grip of his anxiety before frankly it screws your child up.

I say again and again our role as parents isn’t just to protect our child from the world it is balanced against giving them the tools to protect and live in the world as an independent person and throughout each stage of development it is on us to inside that balance is made.

Preschool 2-3 mornings a week from 3 is about your child learning and interacting with the world and starting to form relationships outside of the home and make friends with their peers.

He cannot wrap his child up in cotton wool and keep him prisoner forever that isn’t how it works

is he controlling full stop with you and well because that level of control already with your child is frightening

Its unusual for a child to be both non-verbal and in nappies at the age of four.

i would agree he is probably better with grandparents at the moment. Preschool in September is soon enough.

But generally, your husband sounds controlling.

The DH is against preschool in September.

And school in general.

Better sat watching youtube all day?

Who said all day?

It could be all day. Im not there to know

Ask DH to give up work to look after his child and hone ed

Fuck that shit. Tell your husband that if he would like to do 50% of EVERYTHING then he gets a say, otherwise what he gets is a DISCUSSION on how you are BOTH going to manage YOUR return to work.
There is no way that you need to be chained to the house for the next 16 years because ‘that’s what he prefers.’

You do recognise how bad this is don’t you for your child

this is homeschool as a form of control as well as anxiety driven rather than as a positive becuase I can’t see him happy with homeschool groups either

But who has toddler whilst you work? You don’t need your partners permission: just find a nursery you like and sign him up! If you partner doesnt like it; he’ll have to look after him. My daughter has been at nursery since 11 month she loves it, has learnt so much and my mental health has improved tenfold since Ive returned to work

A 2.5 year old would be far better off mixing with his peers and learning real life behaviours than being cared for by grandparents in their 70s who let him on YouTube.

Also @Jesstoddlerboymum - do not end up being a home educating SAHM. You may need your financial independence at some stage - your husband sounds as if he is calling all the shots here.

I got red flags from your first post, and your next ones confirmed them for me. Your DH sounds controlling, and this is as much about limiting you as it is about your son.

Oh my …

He doesn’t want you to work full time?

And he expects you to home school your child for … what … ever and ever and ever?

This is quite frightening, @Jesstoddlerboymum. Can you actually see what’s happening?

Well your husband needs to take time off work to parent the child then while you have time off to go to work doesn’t he?!! 🤷‍♀️ it’s either nursery or him! give him those options and be very clear that it won’t be you full time or his parents etc. wild boys thrive in nursery/pre school as they love learning and their little brains are kept busy all day long and they come home very happy and tired out

Your DH doesn't want your DC to go to preschool but is happy with them watching YouTube all day? This sounds like he wants to trap you rather than concern for your preschooler.

He doesn’t get to dictate how you spend your time. If he wants his son out of childcare and no school then he will have to make the sacrifices needed for that. He is being super controlling in case you hadn’t noticed.

Are you married to him or is he a partner? You aren’t minimising your pay and pension so that he can have his intact.

This.. 100%

Who made him the boss?? Does he honestly think it's 1955??