I'm unmarried, have a DD in nursery and still together with her dad.
DD surname is Myname-DPname. This was important to me, she's my parents' only grandchild. DP already has older children with just his surname.
I've noticed that DP often fills in just his surname for DD on forms and writes it on her clothes, water bottle etc. I did ask him to stop.
Lo and behold today I went in for 'family day' and there was a big, beautiful, clearly 'special' book of all DD's work out for display. Labelled "Firstname DPname".
I'm cross but I feel petty for being cross and want a second opinion?
WIBU to contact nursery and mention this isn't her surname? They definitely have the right version on her paperwork, and I use it every time I get in touch or label stuff. However DP clearly hasn't been. This book is being shown to her as she learns to read, might be passed on to future teacher, sent home for keeps etc and I want to nip this in the bud both with DP and school.
BTW neither of our surnames are long or complicated.
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To correct nursery on DD's surname?
Tigertealeaves · 29/09/2023 12:55
KateyCuckoo · 29/09/2023 12:59
By all means tell them, but save your 'cross' for DP who is not respecting your name, your dd's name and confusing the nursery staff to boot!
Tigertealeaves · 29/09/2023 13:09
@NameChange30 good shout on the stamps - thank you. Facebook relentlessly advertises them to me, but I wasn't sure if they worked as well as advertised.
I also use the two initials, which is less effort than writing one or both of the surnames out in full... so no excuse for DP really...
BatildaB · 29/09/2023 13:11
Definitely stick up for the full name! I don’t think this is uncommon. Everyone who combines names puts the woman’s name first then it just slowly gets disappeared. Currently TTC and if it happens then I’m putting my name second, or we’ll come up with a whole new name. So aggravating that even when women have compromised and put the man’s feelings and name in a more prominent position, there’s rarely any reciprocal consideration from the man.
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recyclemeagain · 29/09/2023 13:39
I'm on the fence a little bit. Only because if you have a child together presumably you plan to get married eventually in which case you can all have the same surname whether yours or DP's. Otherwise yes DP is being unreasonable by not acknowledging your name.
I take it you had discussions over the surname before baby arrived so he is well aware of why this matters to you too.
Speak to the nursery and to DP, but also consider why this is an issue in the first place. Good luck.
WeightoftheWorld · 29/09/2023 13:34
Just to counter this, we went with DH's surname first purely as we thought it sounded better that way. I'd say it's about 50/50 whether people who shorten use the first or second name only for us and our kids (we are all double barrelled). But slightly different in our case I think though because my surname is from another language so some people clearly purposefully drop that part as they don't want to attempt to pronounce it (even though it's spelled pretty phonetically, is not long and has no sounds that don't exist in English or anything like that). But that's a separate topic...
BatildaB · 29/09/2023 13:11
Definitely stick up for the full name! I don’t think this is uncommon. Everyone who combines names puts the woman’s name first then it just slowly gets disappeared. Currently TTC and if it happens then I’m putting my name second, or we’ll come up with a whole new name. So aggravating that even when women have compromised and put the man’s feelings and name in a more prominent position, there’s rarely any reciprocal consideration from the man.
recyclemeagain · 29/09/2023 13:39
I'm on the fence a little bit. Only because if you have a child together presumably you plan to get married eventually in which case you can all have the same surname whether yours or DP's. Otherwise yes DP is being unreasonable by not acknowledging your name.
I take it you had discussions over the surname before baby arrived so he is well aware of why this matters to you too.
Speak to the nursery and to DP, but also consider why this is an issue in the first place. Good luck.
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