Any advice welcome!

[booboo71]

Hi everyone, i'm new to all this so not sure how everything works yet, but i really need some advise, my daughter is misbehaving in nusrery, she has become very defiant towards the staff, we are told almost daily that she hasn't had a very good afternoon. She started in September and on her very first day, while all the other mums were being told how fantastic their child had been, i was pulled to one side and asked how i diciplined her at home! Now i have been called in to discuss stratergies on how to deal to with her, all this is very, very upsetting for me, although she has her moments, i cannot believe that her behavior is this bad. Obviously i support the nursery and will work with them to help sort any problems my child is having, but need advise on what to say when i go to see them, as everyone one knows teachers can be quite intimidating!!!

Have you been told what the specific behaviour is? then you can work on it if there is a problem.

What is she doing that is 'bad'?

Hi, Bellie & notnowbernard. They have told me that she very defiant, she dosn't respond well to their instructions and if she is having really bad day she point blank refuses to do as they ask! She isn't having any problems with the other children, just the staff! She seems to be at her worse when any of the regular staff are off and they have a stand in teacher. I have suggested that maybe she needs a little more time to adjust, but they say that she should be adjusted now! I don't no what else to suggest to them that may help and i'm dreading this meeting.

How old is she?

It doesn't sound like that terrible behaviour to me!

It sounds like 3 year old behaviour to me. I guess at the meeting you need to ask the teachers what approach they are taking with her and think of what you do if she refuses to do something that you ask at home. Maybe you could suggest to them that way if it works!

It might be worth asking if she is like this at specific times of the day - i.e is she hungry/thirsty when it is more likely to happen. If my dd is hungry then all reasonableness goes out of the window!

Does she have to go? Maybe she isn't ready for it yet.
Do the staff explain to her why she needs to do things? What sort of things are they asking her to do that she refuses?
Do they have stand-in teachers on a regular basis? That could stop her settling.
I think you need to find out what's going on.

She is 3 1/2. I don't think its bad either, but i'm her mum!!! But this is the reason it is getting to me, i can't offer them any stratergies to make her behave in nursery surely they should have their own? I just don't know what they think i'm going to be able to suggest?

Yes juule they often have stand in teachers.
When she first started she became quite attached to her teacher who left after 8 wks then numerous stand ins!

I'm sure the inconsistent staff members has something to do with it.

I'd want to find out exactly what aspects of her behaviour they were struggling with firstly. I'd also want to find out what strategies they use with the children in their care.

Then maybe you could put your heads together and work an approach that can be consistent.

FWIW, I do think nurseries are a bit keen to have all kids 'fitting the same mould'.

I was talked to by dd1's nursery about her behaviour once. She was 2.7, IIRC (going 2 mornings a week). They wanted to initiate a 'smiley face' chart for her because she was struggling with sitting down listening to a story, and lining up to go out in the garden!!! FGS!

The chart didn't work, needless to say

She sorted it out in her own time!

Swopping and changing of staff affected my dd badly in reception.

Just been reading your message and replies. I know it can be very upsetting for you and your child. I have 3 myself and have also worked in a nursery and a pre-school. I think the teachers/staff are being a little hard on your daughter and you cannot expect every child to settle the same. From what you have said about your child it seems to me from my experience to be very common behaviour for a 3 1/2 year old. I have come across many children whilst working in various settings who have displayed all sorts of behaviours because they fill a little insecure (which is probably what your child is feeling). It will get better with time but the staff have to be patience with your child, they need to try and find out her likes and dislikes and use them to help. Like the others have suggested it could be at certain times when they are tired or hungry but also children have to learn that people come and go - your child is still very young and probably has not fully learnt this yet. They will in time.
I do think that the nursery is not being very understanding with you and your child, they must have had experience with other children before. You are not alone, lots of us have been there. If all else fails try another nursery, there are lots out there with genuienly caring staff despite what you see/read on tv/papers. Be strong. Sorry to ramble!

Hi everyone, thankyou all for your kind words of advise and support. I attended a meeting in nursery fri, though the staff are good i do think they are expecting too much of my dd, they say she will not come out of the home corner(this contains a fabulous doll my dd talks about constantly!!) they are worried that she dosn't mix, which i personally i am not worried about at the moment, she also is a huge attention seeker and does not like to share not even her teachers!!! I was quite concerned & extremley upset to start with, but after talking things over with my dh, we both decided that the nursery is expecting too much of her and have arranged a follow up meeting after the holidays to try and get things sorted once and for all. Thanks to everyone who replied to my problem!!