does your 4 yo like school?

[Vijac]

My ds is 4.5 and doing half days in the pre reception year at a local school. He's been there since September. He seems happy when we collect him and there are no issues from the school. However, given a choice he wouldn't go, he often asks if 'he has to go to school today'. He doesn't chat about anything from school enthusiastically. Questions about his day reach a brick wall. Is this normal? I'd love it if he was really keen and excited but he'd just rather be with us. I wonder if the school is too strict and structured. He said the other day 'we just have to sit down all day'. Now I no that's not true but there is some of that-assembly, registration, circle time etc. He hates being told off so basically tows the line behaviour wise.

Know that's not true rather.

Mine likes his preschool a lot but would still rather not go - playing out in the park with his friends would win hands down. I think it's fairly normal that they don't tell you anything when you ask them ''we played' is about as much detail as I get from my son. But then he'll sing bit of songs we haven't taught him, or recognise letters in words etc so they must be doing something!

Well yes, my 4 yr old was very happy at school and continues to be so 1 year on. What you're describing is fairly normal though I think. Particularly the bit about them not telling you anything they've been up to at school.
Some children do find it harder to get used to school than others.

Also, how do you know that they're happy? I find it really hard to gauge. Do they say that they like their teachers, friends, games etc? If I ask I always seem to get a negative answer like I don't like Henry or Alex was mean to me.

Do you ever get to go in and share a session with him?

We get to do 15mins once a week. He likes showing me around the tables and what they do with the various toys-tweezers, Lego etc.

Yes, she tells me who she's friends with, that she likes her teachers. She'll tell me what she's done if it's exciting enough to stick in her head.
We do get some negatives if she's fallen out with someone etc..
Basically she has thrived there. She's come on brilliantly academically and is in with a lovely bunch of kids. She's (nearly) always happy to go and always happy when she comes out. She loves her time at home and holidays but very rarely says she doesn't feel like school.

Its a shame you can't spend a whole session there, then you might get more of a feel for what happens and what he does and doesn't enjoy - although often when their parent is in the child spends the whole session sat on their lap!!

I work in a preschool and sometimes children have off days where they seem like they would rather be at home, we would always talk to the parent if the child seemed unhappy and even when it is just an off day we'll mention it.

My DD does like her nursery but she doesn't like it as much as she likes staying at home with me on the days I don't work. She doesn't really respond to questions about what she's been up to at nursery but will volunteer random information about what she's done, who she played with etc while we're doing other things. I think it's a fairly normal thing.

She absolutely loves it. Adores her teacher, made loads of friends, chats excitedly about everything she's done when i pick her up, loves the songs, loves the stories... but we still have to carefully persuade and cajole her in at least two mornings a week. There have been a few mornings I've let her stay home. They're very little - staying home is always going to be an attractive prospect.

At that age I found it a bit similar....

We used to say school was like some 'secret society'

"What have you done at school?"

"Nothing"

"Who did you play with?"

"Nobody"

She loved it though, it's still a standing joke here.

It's odd. We never had problems with him saying bye and going in. He is learning, he comes out with stuff he's learnt at school like sea and road safety etc. The school have never raised any problems and say he's fine. He's generally in a good mood when he come out. Not sure if that's because he's had fun or because he's leaving! He seems to run around with the others in the playground.

But he's not got any really firm friendships except one boy he knew before, says he doesn't really like the teachers. Never really tells me something they've done with any genuine excitement. He is aware that our toddler doesn't go to school which probably doesn't help. He's changing schools in Sep and I'm going to try and meet some of the other kids in his class before he starts.

When dd1 started preschool it drove me nuts not knowing what she'd been up to!

I read an article online once about how to get more info out of kids by asking specific questions. Eg "Did you have a nice day at school?" Is too vague and conceptual for little ones. So this article said to ask for detail such as things like "who did you sit next to at lunch time?" and "who made you laugh today?" and "did you do some painting?". I seem to get far more out of DD by asking these things and often it seems to jog her memory and she then talks in a bit more detail.

She's almost 4.5 now btw. She loves going to preschool 3 days a week and is very excited about Big School in September.

I work full time so am extra paranoid that I'm not there enough so am keen to engage with her about school so I feel in the loop with it all - but - I think it's pretty normal that they are a bit nonchalant about it. I have a half memory of being 4/5yrs and in the infants and not really getting why I had to be at school and feeling a bit confused (though not unhappy) at the whole idea of it.