3yo dd screaming hysterically at drop-off

[cheapandcheerful]

Hi everyone,

Dd does this every morning and it's heart-breaking. She has always very much been a mummy's girl and I think she just finds saying goodbye really traumatic. She apparently calms down after 5-10 minutes at which point she spends the rest of the day happily following the teacher around but not really playing with the other children.

I don't know what to do to help her. We have tried sending a favourite toy with her, letting her keep something of mine with her all day, talking to her about it lots... But it seems to be getting worse rather than better. I think we need to break the habit somehow as she has somehow built up this massive negative association with going into nursery. I literally had to drag her in through the door this morning and the teacher had to literally unpeel her from me :(

Any ideas as to how I can break this or make it easier for my dd?

It's a school setting rather than a private nursery if that makes a difference.

Could you get a friend to drop her off for a few days and see if saying goodbye to you at home then getting to walk with/go in so and so's car is exciting enough to break the cycle. My 3 yo went through a stage of this so we changed the way we got to school, parked in a different place so we had a little walk talked about the trees/flowers/dogs etc we saw and picked something up to show teacher, an interesting stick or leaf or something. We made a plan for after school, like 'i'll pick you up when you've had fun with your friends then we'll do x,y,z'. (today's plan is post office on way home then lunch, bath and playing/drawing til daddy gets home).

She grew out of it eventually. From helping out at our preschool there are are children that cry at drop off but genuinely have a lovely time after 5mins. It's harder on you!

Yeah I'm finding it more difficult the longer it goes on (and the worse it gets!)

It would be difficult to find someone to take her as I also have my eldest dd to get there too. I like the idea of going for a walk beforehand though. At the moment dd1 goes in at 8:50 and we then hang around in the playground waiting for dd2 to go in at 9. She probably spends that 10 minutes worrying about the goodbye and building herself up to hysteria. Perhaps I'll try something different tomorrow.

Thanks. It's hard.

The fact that she doesn't seem happy while she is there is more of a worry than the distress at drop off. Does she have to go? Many children get upset at drop off or pick up time. Have a meeting with her key worker and see how you can all make the process a happier one for her.

I've just come out the other end with dd. Now she just runs in and I have to shout her back for a kiss!

She was the same and I actually stopped taking her but realised she needed to be around other children her age and other adults. Does she has a specific key worker?

Dd's took some pictures of her having a nice time so that we could look at them through the week and remember what a lovely time she has 🙈

Keep taking her it will be worth it in the end.

Ds spent a term being desperately unhappy at drop off. I subsequently realised how shit his nursery/teacher was and withdrew him. He settled beautifully elsewhere within a couple of days. Don't force the poor child to go if she is so unhappy. Some crying is expected but don't let it carry on for long.

I went through this for the whole of last term with DS. Can't believe the answer was so simple - told him he could have chocolate if there was no crying when he went in. Two days in and I didn't get a backward glance. I take sandwiches for him now which he devours on the way home, so he's not dependent on the sweets! I felt like a bad mum for resorting to bribery, but I felt even worse leaving him screaming every day! Good luck, let us know how it goes.

Thanks everyone. This week she announced "I like nursery now". And she has marched in happily every time

Kids!

Fantastic, really pleased for you! It's such a relief, isn't it?!