WTF...DS3 nursey hav ejust asked me to collect him because he's not mature enough to cope......it's only his 5 session.

[LadyTophamHatt]

I'm not going to bother taking him back again.

They're shit.

Poor ds3 And you, you really don't need shite like this when you're pregnant do you?

I'm sure you'll feel better once you've wrote down all your concerns and complaints on paper and sent it to the nursery.

I'd mention in it that you're sending a copy of the letter to Ofsted with a covering complaint letter. Ofsted really stress the importance of a Key Person for new children, so make it clear you were never told if ds3 had one, etc.

Sounds like a really uncaring attitude the place has got, I feel glad for both of you that you've got ds out of there, and his next experience of one (now you know what he needs/you are looking for i.e. caring, sympathetic staff and atmosphere) will be much better!

FWIW, in nurseries I've worked in, we would tell parents that it can take some children a while to settle, and it wasn't a process that could be rushed. Children were always assigned a KP right at the start, who made a big effort to form a bond with the child AND the parents.

Hope you get things sorted soon, hugs to you and little ds3.

Oh poor you LTH what a shite day

Ds goes to a similar nursery by the way. It is a private one but on the site of the Dd's school. Like yours they can start at 2.6 and stay until they start school.

Ds was very clingy when he went back after the hols and so the teacher just watched for a while and then after a few minutes she asked me if I'd like her to take him and I said yes please and off I went with Ds wailing his head off.
The minute I got in the door she rang to say he was fine and she'd taken him to help her with sorting some activities and he was fine.
Basically she had taken the time to settle him down and invovle him in something and that helped alot.

I would not have been at all happy with what your ds's nursery did. They didn't try at all by the sounds of things. Don't pay them a penny.

LTH - they sound atrocious. Your child cannot be the first one they've ever had who hasn't settled - do they send them all packing, do you think?

The pre-school ds1 and ds2 went to had all sorts of strategies for reluctant children: distraction; giving them special 'jobs' to do so they would feel important; asking parents to stay all or part of the session to help them feel happier. And as others have pointed out each child is assigned a Key Worker who pays extra attention to the child. Afaik, they have never sent a child away for 'not settling' or 'being immature' (that has made me see red more than anything else ) - and I've been very involved with them for years now (am Secretary of the parents' committee).

I'm not sure it would make any difference to them but it might make you feel better to write a letter detailing how you feel they have failed your child. You'll probably get a 'management speak' type response though (did she says at any point "I hear what you're saying?" I hate that phrase ).

Sorry dh hasn't been more supportive too - don't feel like shit about it, you've done nothing wrong.

Really, they can't decide to not let a child go becasue they aren't "mature" enough. That would be exclusion, and pre schools cannot do this without a lond and drawn out process.

What they should be dong is asking if you would stay with him to help him settle in.

We have a little boy in dd2's pre school, they are only 2, and he makes himself sick by crying when his mum leaves. But that doesn't mean that he can't stay; it means that we'd like his mum to stay too, until he's less anxious.

LTH- have to agree you have had a crap day, but that ds is well out of it.
please report it to Ofsted.

I once looked round a prospective nursery and felt very unhappy with what I saw there and talked to my local child care team. Although they were only "minor" things it turned out to be a huge nightmare and the woman running it was mentally unstable etc etc and resulted in a court case.
If they are not able to settle in a reasonably sociable 3 year old I would suspect that there are other thigs they aren't able to do adequately.
Complaints have to be recorded by the nursery and and available to people who ask to see them.. ie Ofsted.
I would pay only for the time he has been there. In fact a lot of nurseries don't charge for a settling in period!

did you say uniform??? sounds a bit anal for a 3 yr old. are they all uptight?

Another thing she said was that he could cope with the group situations, it had to always be 1-2-1.

Well, fuck me!...he's part of a pretty rowdy group when he's at home and for a 3 yr old to be totally in charge of a 5 and 7 yr old I'm pretty sure he's able to cope.
When we go to playgroup together he's absolutley fine, never worries about where I am. I have to search for him quite often in fact. I can leave the room to go to the toilet and he doesn't bat an eyelid.

(actually he's not 3 until sunday but whats a few days between MNers)

sorry, couldn't cope

LTH

DS3 IS immature for Nursery (end of Juky baby but some speech delay and very babyish), it's a school pre-school but they amde a real effort and on his sixth session today he loved it for the first time- they're so plaesed and they clearly adore him, yet he must be hard work for them.

Hope you find somewhere more like that fro your little one.

'Well, fuck me!...he's part of a pretty rowdy group when he's at home and for a 3 yr old to be totally in charge of a 5 and 7 yr old I'm pretty sure he's able to cope'

Yiu libing my life LTH???????

lol

[winl'

Oh no. Doesn't sound like they tried to get to know him or settle him. I agree with you wouldn't want to send one of my childrren back to a place like that. Do you think its an excuse. Are they over numbers or have a lot of older children who are easier in a way. Good luck

oh LTH, how awful about dh not being supportive

FWIW, one of my very good friends had this problem with her 3 yr old. Got him a place at a well renowned private nursery (linked to a prep school) - he started and howled and howled. School called them in and told her either she had to stay with him or she would have to fund an assistant to be with him 1-2-1 because they could not manage his needs and all the other children (all this because he cried and needed a bit of help). They even went so far as to suggest he had special needs - it was my friend's first child and they were so worried, they even paid for a behavioural assessment (thinking he may have something wrong with him).

We all got together, told her it was this shithole place that was the problem - found a lovely, caring pre-school with lots of warm ladies totally used to 3 yr olds crying for mum and he settled there within 3 days and has never looked back.

I wouldn't even spend 5 more minutes thinking about it. I'd just look for another place that is a bit more gentle.

Can't believe I'm reading all this ! Absolutely outrageous treatment. Your poor little boy, and poor you. When you've calmed down, do please think about contacting ofsted; the staff's repertoire of coping with small unsettled children certainly sounds like it could do with a review to say the least.

My DS2 - went to a private nursery from 2ish and never really settled because they kept changing the staff and it was very structured with uniform etc..

I took him out this summer and he has just started at a local playgroup full of lovely mature ladies where they are happy if he just sits in the corner and plays with his cars. He has done three sessions now and though he isn't quite running into the playgroup it is clear he is happy there. Sometimes they just need a different environment.

My DS2 has a boisterous big brother and is used to loads of independence and can stand up for himself. But when his big brother isn't there he sometimes loses all that confidence and becomes a shy, quiet little soul.

Lastly, if you are 6 months pregnant (congrats by the way) it must have dawned on him that he is soon no longer to be your little baby.

The nursery sounds c**p by the way can you not find another less structured one??

take no notice of dh. they just don't undertsand and can rarely be relied on to understand the more serious matters of parenthood . leave him to the more 'dadly' functions like playing cars and and being a human climbing frame.

if you do want to complain maybe mn'ers can help you draft a letter - in the meantime you definately deserve a glass of wine (hugs)

My ds is only just 2, he goes to a playschool 2 mornings a week and they love him! He can't sing the words to the songs or play 'properly' with the bigger ones but they think he's great!

LTH they sound like a bunch of cocks tbh, find a cosy small group and take him there instead no uniforms, no maturity issues ect.

I'd deffinately contact Ofsted, I know your lad isnt going there anymore but at least something will be done to stop future children being treated the way he has.

It annoys me sooo much how these private nursery's are just about money money money
We had to pull DD out a few months back, her "keyworker" was never there, the staff turnover went thru the roof, she was coming home sore (not potty trained) and was generally really unhappy to the point where she screamed before she even got there. (she used to love it til her first keyworker left).
It is the nursery's job to help integrate the child into the group, not penalise the parent because they cant be bothered to do their jobs!

Also, ONLY pay for the time he was there, They called you to take him home remember, not the other way round.

just gotta say my dd now 4 went to a private nursery and althou they didnt learn her much in the 18mth she was there the staff were good n they did well in settling the kids my dd didnt like it very much but after 5 mins she was fine i NEVER got phoned up in all that time so they st imo and after a few wk she was great loved it she still misses hey key worker, she recently started goin to proper nursery (we moved out of the area) joined to a school and even though she went to the other one for 18mth they made me gradually take her there is only 2 staff for 20 kids ! but they made me bring her the first day 30 mins into the session n then come 30 mins to the end so she would be there 1.5 hr but i knew she would settle lol and she did 2nd day she dragged me down to nursery lol
that L T H is wot proper nurserys do forget the st one that ur ds3 goes to it aint worth the hassle tc n hope u fine a gd one they r out there
gill and charlie