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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

WTF...DS3 nursey hav ejust asked me to collect him because he's not mature enough to cope......it's only his 5 session.

94 replies

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 11:10

I'm not going to bother taking him back again.

They're shit.

OP posts:

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Glassofwine · 21/09/2006 11:47

I've cried at nursery too - don't worry about it. What did they say?

doggiesayswoof · 21/09/2006 11:49

Yup - they're shit. Poor you, sounds so upsetting. I had my sister on the phone there (she's a deputy manager at a private nursery) and she was apalled when I mentioned your thread to her - they would never say something like this to parents and I know dd's nursery wouldn't either. If htey don't have the time for him they need to take a close look at how they run the place IMO. Lots of los find it hard to settle for the first few weeks - he doesn't sound that unusual! Hope you find a better one soon.

puddle · 21/09/2006 11:53

My dd's pre-school is like fondants. If they are unable to distract the child and cheer them up after a certain amount of time they ask parents to collect.

bundle · 21/09/2006 11:57

our nursery has a behaviour policy (for bad behaviour) and they also encourage shy/disruptive children to share/join in - it's all part of their care/learning through play plan for each child. each week a child is "targeted" to see where their development can be improved/supported. all nurseries are supposed to set these as part of early years education goals - an ofsted requirement, i believe. what kind of place was this lth?

SoupDragon · 21/09/2006 11:59

I hope you got a refund for his uniform.

what a bunch of t*ssers!

Mellowma · 21/09/2006 11:59

Message withdrawn

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 12:02

When I arrived he was happily sitting with one ladie doing a puzzle book.

The manager asked me what she thinks we should do and I said "TBH I just dissappointed that you haven't really tried withhhim...it's only his 5 session and I've been called every time to collect him early"

I don't think she really liked thatbecause she said he/they can't do 1-2-1 all the time with him, which I said I accept but it seems like they were almost active;y encouraging him not to join in because he was always with one person.
At ds1+2 nursey they started off with a key worker and she would have 3 or 4 children in little group.
Ds3, it seems, was expected to fend for himself from the word go and they weren't happy to have to make it easier for him.

She said a few times "why do you feel like this" or "what esle can we do?" or words to that effect and also "i'm surprised you feel like this"

I answered her questions as calmly as I could without crying a nd asked for the bill becayuse he wouldn't be coming back. She said something like that she was surprised I was upset by it all and I just said I' realy don't want to argue about it (I was getting abit pissed off by now as she was quite patronising) but could she just get me the bill.

It went on, going backwards and forwards a few times until I said "Look...can I please just have the BILL!"

Fucking hell...what a mess.

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 12:09

funnily enough, a huge private school close near by at the end of last term.
Most of the preschooler who went there have moved to this nursery....I wonder if the £ signs of packing the kids in to the maximum quota so more direct care isn't easy(not 1-2-1, I mean like keys worker type thing) for the LO's is the bigger picture.

Fucking £10 per sessio so it isn't cheap anyway....

Wnakers

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Twiglett · 21/09/2006 12:10

when you calm down send them a strongly worded letter of complaint and demand an explanation as to what they did and what structures they have in place and how they plan to reimburse you for their failure

I am assuming this is a private nursery

Gobbledigook · 21/09/2006 12:13

Your child should have a key worker shouldn't he? Don't all pre-schoolers have one? I know they do at ds's nursery.

God am on your behalf. What shockingly poor treatment.

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 12:14

no, it's just a normal nursery Twig...well, I assume it is, I don't know actually.
I have to pay until the govenment start paying in Jan...is that a private one?

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expatinscotland · 21/09/2006 12:16

He's not mature enough?

That sounds like b*llocks to me.

DD1 is light years behind most 3-year-old girls, she just turned 3 in June, too.

She does fine at nursery and loves it.

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 12:16

there was never any montio of keys workers when we wentt o look around.

He was normally with a same lady when I picked him up but she wasn't in the nursery uniforms like the other "teachers"...I think she was maybe assitant manager or something so wasn't thee to be with the kids.

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SOULGIRL · 21/09/2006 12:19

"why do you feel like this" or "what esle can we do?" or words to that effect and also "i'm surprised you feel like this"

Patronising Hell Yes Sounds like she's swallowed the "effective communication coursebook" and isnt actually thinking for herself. I went on "Communication for Women" and these are EXACTLY the phrases they told you to use!!

I have a friend who works with pre-school children and she has had some bad experiences with some private day care centres so I would speak to other Mums and see where they recommend.

DS2 has a keyworker and it works really well. Im sure they would call if he cried for ages but HELL some take a while to settle in - poor little guy I dont think they have given him a chance.

MadamePlatypus · 21/09/2006 12:22

You don't need to be able to provide 1-1 attention all day to cope with a child who needs settling in. What seems to happen at DS's nursery is that the child that needs settling will sit on the carers knee while she does an activity with 3/4/5 children. Often at this age the other children will actively try to comfort the unhappy child too.

I can see the point about montessori schools - if a nursery has this kind of policy and is clear about it then fair enough. However, it just doesn't seem to be a problem in other nurseries. To be fair, DS goes to a day nursery so they would go out of business if they couldn't deal with settling children in, but I can't understand what the problem is if they have good child/staff ratios and experienced staff.

CountessDracula · 21/09/2006 12:29

LTH they sound crap IMO
Find another one

bundle · 21/09/2006 12:31

is it like a playgroup, say 3 hours a day? are there parent volunteers? or is it just paid staff? what are the ratios?

Mumpbump · 21/09/2006 12:36

That's ridiculous!! This reflects very badly upon the nursery and their inability to cope with the situation! It took my ds about a month to settle into nursery and they never once asked me to come and collect him despite me offering VERY frequently - overanxious mother syndrome!

Doesn't say much for a genuine desire to work with and help young children on their part!! I agree - complain to OFSTED and find another nursery...

Can you name the nursery or is that against posting rules??

Miriam2 · 21/09/2006 12:38

This is cobblers. They should plan their staff levels KNOWING they have new ones, it always takes more pairs of hands at the begining of a new term, even the older ones forget the routine, need help at the toilet etc etc. If he was sitting happily when you arrived it's proof that he was calm at some point therefore they should be working on what works for him and what he enjoys. They sound crap..and I agree patronising. Move him

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 12:38

yes, bundle. 3 hours per session, paid staff not sure about the perant helperthough...we went ever there long enough to find out!!

The manager asked me if everything was ok as I'm obviously upset about more than this..."if there is anything I can do, even just a chat just let me know"

F*cking cheek of the woman!!
I got the distinct impression she was only say that because she wanted me to think how nice she was being to me. She certainly wasn't too willingly to accept my apology demanding the bill and was all huffy.

I'm really surprised it's gone so badly with them, we had so many recommendations and the visits we made were brilliant....I suppose you can never tell.

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Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 12:40

apology FOR demanding the bill

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SoupDragon · 21/09/2006 12:41

Write them a letter. It's easier to be rational in a letter.

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 12:49

They will be sending be a revised bill because he hasn't done the full term so I might send the cheque back with a a letter.

Would it be wrong to make the cheque for only the time he was there?
1st seesion was full 3 hrs, all the others were between 45mins and an hour except today.
Am I within my rights to do that?

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bundle · 21/09/2006 13:00

I'd be reluctant to pay anything, tbh, they really don't sound like they've fulfilled their role and if it's that popular they won't have problems filling the place. I feel uneasy about them not opening a proper dialogue about how your son was doing, what measures they could take to address these issues, etc. I would contact OFSTED with your concerns, it's not a very caring or professional way to behave imo.

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 13:06

Do you really think it's a OFSTED issue?

I thought I was being too sensitive or something. Yes I know they havn't tried to settle him etc etc for long but would OFSTED be interested?

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