WTF...DS3 nursey hav ejust asked me to collect him because he's not mature enough to cope......it's only his 5 session.

[LadyTophamHatt]

I'm not going to bother taking him back again.

They're shit.

I wouldn't pay a penny. IMO they have failed to do what they are supposed to be trained for.

I would be inclined not to pay anythign but would certainly ony pay for the time he was there given that they insisted you remove him.

How was he ever going to settle in if they called you after 1/2 hour (assuming that if he was there 45 mins this was what happened)? They didn't give him chance.

dialogue with parents is essential in childcare settings, lth, and I think ofsted woudl be interested. our school/nursery reports have section in them re: consultation with parents. feedback etc v impot

each time they called they said "we've got very upset little boy here...he's really not doing well"(or variations on that) there was never a direct "come and get him"

would that be classed as communication about his progress??

no, i wouldn't say that was a dialogue. I've had meetings with nursery workers about various issues over the years. they should be done in a special appointment, to discuss strategies and possible causes for behaviour. the way you've been treated is v bad practice imo. i cannot remember my nursery doing this to a parent, ever. settling periods get extended - yes, and parents phone for updates across the day but removing a child is not only defeatist it sends the wrong messages to the child too.

OMG LTH that is complete and utter crap so he hasnt even done a full 5 sessions and they are questioning his maturity???!!!!!!!!!!????????? Ds started playgroup with my friends little boy 3 wks ago. DS settled in fine but thats him, friends little boy still sobs for first 30mins of the session but they have allocated him a keyworker who he is getting to know. Sounds like the nursery are rubbish TBH. Plus at that price sounds horrendous as ours is only £4.50 a session for 2.5hrs.

Dh will be home from work soon so I think I'll show him this thread.

Ds3 fell asleep almost as soon as we got home, he's just woken up and we've been sat on the sofa. I feel so sad for him, he's only little and is going to have to start all over again.

I really can't believe this has been such a crap nursery and start for him....poor little bloke

I would have said it is implicit in the fact that they are calling you at all that they can't cope/are asking you to pick him up - otherwise, what is the point in calling you at all? Also, if he can't "cope", the logical inference is that he should not be there... If it was you calling them for updates and being told "he's very upset" then I think that's different.

I'd definitely have a chat to OFSTED about how to deal with this situation - maybe have a look at their website? Have a look at the nursery's Terms and Conditions to see what their payment terms are and if you can withhold payment, how much, etc. (Practically you can do anything though and, unless it's a large amount of cash, they might not bother chasing it for you.)

Of course, before making a final decision on removing your ds, you could always dump the "problem" back on them - after all, they are the childcare experts... Ring them and ask them how THEY propose to go forward/help your ds settle in!

What a shit nursery, I'm not surprised you're so upset, poor little man.

I would definitely only pay for the time he has spent there. They must have wanted you to go collect him on teh other occasions, they wouldn't have phoned otherwise, even if they just said "we've got a very upset little boy..." - SPEND SOME TIME WITH HIM THEN YOU USELESS FUCKERS!!!

(nursery staff that is, not you!)

Hope you get a much better reception if you change nurseries.

I can understand them calling you. I can understand them wanting you to come. But why didn't they ask you to come hang out in the nursery with him? That's what we do with kids who are having a hard time settling, we have their parents stay for some sessions, then the parents go out for half an hour, then longer and longer.

We're working with younger kids, but still.

Oh, and saying "he's not mature enough to cope" is really really f*cked up. As others have said.

I agree with NQC. How much opportunity did they give you to attend with him for settling in sessions? Would this have been possible for you - can't remember whether you have another younger one.

So why didn't they call you back to say he'd settled?? It really does sound as if they have quite a rigid way of doing things and he doesn't "fit" IYKWIM. We have a private nursery near us which dd2 went to for one term. She didn't have a problem there but other children who didn't settle well were asked to come back next term pretty soon after the beginning of term. Children who weren't "biddable" were asked to find a different nursery .

They did some really lovely things there and it has a very good reputation locally but tbh that's no great surprise as they were basically selecting children and weeding out the "troublesome" ones.

Contrast with dd2's current nursery where they cheerfully peel wailing children off their parents if necessary and then phone them to let them know when they've settled .

I pay £6.00 for an am session, pm is £5.50.

Was he meant to be staying all day as I know our playgroup will only take the older ones all day - they say the younger ones still need a nap and they have no facilities for that.

If it was only an am or pm session it really seems to me that they have not really made an effort. Im the same as you though I would have cried in that situation, I would send them a letter or email telling them why you arent happy and ask them to put in writing what they feel the problem is - I would contact OFSTEAD once it has been clarified.

still not quite clear whether it's a nursery or a pre-school?

(I still think it is rubbish for either).

For a pre-school I would expect them to want him to be OK with joining in in a group, but if he wasn't I would also expect them to try and involve me/dh and get me to do gradual staying/leaving as PPs have said.

Anyway, simple answer - he's out of there, and I hope you give serious dissing action all over the parenting network. Now what?

Echoing what others have said:
They should have called you back to say he had settled
They should have a 'plan B' for those who need more settling in time, like visits with you staying for a while

Sounds like they have such a great reputation that they are resting on their laurels, ie they don't need your custom - you know like you get crap service in good restaurants sometimes? Bad attitude. If I was in your position I wouldn't bother with OFSTED - just focus attention on finding a better place. Up to you though obviously if you want to go down this route.

Dh wasn't too chuffd with my decsison about not going back.

Fucking hell, I've had as shit day today, all I wanted him to do was agree with me, he wasn't fussed at all.

I said I'd find another one when he asked what happens now, but all he said was "Yeah..but where??"

it called nursery school and takes them from 2.5yrs until they start reception so i assume it's nursery rather than pre-school...or is it both?

Don't go back there and don't pay, they have in no way fulfilled their side of the bargain and don't deserve a penny.
LTH, my son has just started preschool with a couple of friend's children. I have to say that they have been excellent in settling in the children (and parents) and been very understanding. My friend's little girl is really struggling and they have suggested her starting a little later once everyone has settled and my friend staying with her at first and also my friend coming early to pick her up. I have been really impressed with how understanding they are, I am sorry that you and your DS have had to go through this, I am sure you will find a better preschool/nursery for him.

id tell ofsted,
it soudsn a cop out

I mention OFSTED to Dh and he said "well if he's not going why bother"

I feel like shit about all this now.

hes reall y helpful isnt it he
id gforget abotu it for today and have a drink

I would inform OFSTED as they are obviously not a very nurturing environment and not providing support and care for their mindees...you may be helping someone else's DC's in the future.

Just did a quick search on the OFSTED website. In case it is of interest, if you have a complaint, they suggest taking it up with the care-provider, making a formal complaint in writing if it is not resolved and then you can complain to them. I can see your dh's point of view that there might be no point making a complaint, but if it were me, it would rankle if I just took my son out and didn't say something...

To be really honest I really haven't got the energy to complain and start whatever now.

Being 6 months PG doesn't help.

Having DH say that has made it even worse.

BUT I want to complain, to make it known that I'm not happy, to show them that I think it's all wrong to give up on him.