Sorry long. Preschool wanted to assess my ds

[MamaMaiasaura]

My ds is 3 years 9 months. He started preschool for the second half of last term. Only 2 session's at 1.5hrs. His first experience of being away fron home. He did less than 10 sessions. He was reluctant to do circle time and didn't want to sit with everyone. He also ran towards their garden when going to
Loo. The preschool called me over summer hol and said at the end of term party he didn't want to join in and that they would like to assess him. This is after they've hardly had him. He's very bright, knows and recognises alphabet, both upper and lower case. Counts to 100. Does simple addition. Knows and spells phonics and also blends phonics, reads cvc etc. He's Doesnt hit/bite etc but can be shy. He doesn't want to sit doing song time or painting but will sit doing puzzle magazines (like pepper workbooks for an hour by his choice). All children are in together (mixed ages and abilities) and whilst lovely setting they don't have free outside access unless taken there. Ds loves being outside.

The new lead practioner doesn't tell me positives but that ds likes to run around. He likes playing chase games. When I collected him I watched him, he was sat with all the kids, right in middle drinking milk and eating snack. He sat for longer than most and went to join others queuing to go back in, so was showing he was doing same as others.

I had long chat with the woman who was really hostile and said if I'm not happy I should take him elsewhere. He seems happy and baby due in 5 weeks so don't want to disrupt him. The older practioner who is retiring joined us and the other woman compeletly changed her attitude.

They asked if he still co-slept and breastfed. He does still sleep in our bed and that is our choice. Re breastfeeding he's still having minuscule amount at bed time and not every night so very close to being fully weaned. He separates from me fine for preschool and hours increased to 3 x a week and 2 hours. Going up to 3 but he's poorly so off till better.

Sorry so long, just feeling a bit crap.

My view is that he's very bright and the preschool havent offered any suggestions on meeting his needs but more on how he can meet theirs :(

And he does socialise with other kids, home and out. Plays with them really nicely. Bless him, wants to talk to everyone

It is none of their business re co-sleeping & breastfeeding, why would they even ask you that, how odd.

Does he play with other chidlren and interact or alongside in their company? ds was similar to how you describe, would happily sit and look at books, very obedient and articulate. Wish I'd followed up the concerns at 3 tbh, it became much harder once he was at school.

An assessment isn't a negative thing necessarily. It could be extremely positive. They can't make sure they meet his needs unless they can assess what they are.

Firstly, not sure of the relevance of the BF and co-sleeping unless they feel he is suffering from extreme separation anxiety with doesn't seem to be the case.

Have they told you what they'd like him assessed for? Any particular concerns? It's great that he interacts but does he actually play a game with other kids rather than alongside them? This is important and something he should be doing at his age. How is his play?-Not too rigid or repetitive? Does it need to follow a set criteria or can he go with the flow?

There's nothing in your post to suggest anything is wrong other that staying with one task for over an hour. That is unusual for his age. However, by itself, that shouldnt be a concern.

I would suggest you ask for a meeting and ask them to spell out exactly what their concerns are. Preschool staff see children of his age every day with hugely varying abilities and levels of maturity. There must be something that is making them particularly concerned about him. That's not to say anything is wrong, just that you have nothing to lose by finding out what those concerns are and following up on them if necessary.

Listening or even following up and having him assessed will not create a problem. If one isn't there, it isn't there. If, however, something is discovered, even if it's relatively minor, then early intervention is key to the best outcome. Good luck!

First impression is that a lot of the behaviour you describe, whilst positive, is unlike most children of 3.9.

He's also a little older than most children starting pre-school. How is his speech?

Most pre-schools ime will discourage children from chasing games. It's not really an activity that encourages self expression which is what most of pre-school education should be about.

(I'd do a roll eyes if they mention the bfing or co-sleeping again - none of their concern).

How are they proposing that he would be assessed? Sorry, I tried to read the OP carefully, but who are they saying would do this assessment?

Yes he plays with children, his friends and his brother. He used to play alongside but as he's got older he plays with them too. Not just at home Either, when we are put at parks etc. I took him to hv over school hols and she said no alarm bells were ringing and that he's clearly very bright and needs to be stimulated. It was her who asked if he'd be going up a class at preschool but they don't have separate groups. I alsohad hearing tested as slower talking and the peadiatriician said hearing good but may have had glue ear when younger. She said speech was good now and normal for him to have fear of handdryers. He also had to to special games for hearing test which he did, only wobble was when she needed to test eardrums.

I felt like they jumped to assessing to "label" him rather than seeing how they could meet his needs. I have this feeling that they have issue with me. I'm fairly strong opinioned and for example, when he started I was concerned how they let them go to loo as down corridor from preschool. Ds toilet trained himself at 3 and had less than 5 accidents ever and I told them this and that I'd be upset for him if he couldn't have access to loo.

He won't be 'labelled' unless something is deemed to be wrong. And in those circumstances, a label is good as it will then give him and you access to the help he may need.

Make an appointment and ask what their concerns are and how they feel needs to assess him such as an EP. Try not to worry until you have more information.

Their senco would assess.

The over hour sitting was at home not preschool, the day after she said he runs around. At preschool he'll do an activity, then when he's done he will run to next one. Sometimes he will do number pegs, playdoh, trains, painting etc.

Agree chasing games inside not safe and said that they need to enforce this to him but surely ok in garden?

It is the new practioner with the concerns, only been there a year or 2. ThR older one of 27 years who is retiring doesn't seem to share the concerns. She said he's a very bright little boy and he'll settle in his own time. Younger pratitoner wants funding for extra staff. I was also told they have children with behaviuor issues such as being violent and my ds is not one of these.

My gut feeling is that he is shy, and very bright. His dad is similar.

He eats and sleeps well. Full of energy but can concentrate top. Asks lots of questions, broad vocabulary.

Loving the coast - I think he's fairly flexible when it's a freeflowing game, like racing cars on carpet or playing trains, drs etc. He's got upset over snakes and ladders but i recall my ds1 having a strop over learning rules like that. Yesterday hubby looked after him and they were playing river crossing and he played it up to level 40 gr stuck and then started again and did levels 1 to 14. He loves doing cooking, imaginative play. He has an awesome memory and able to recite books and programmes and incorporate into play. Favourite being Charlie and Lola stories

All sounds fine to me. Try not to worry but do ask what their concerns are. If he is very bright you may find that they want to assess him on entry to Reception anyway just to work out how best to support him. Nursery (attached to school) did this with my G&T DD1. So an assessment now may not be a bad thing.

Do you have any choice for another pre-school? When my DS was at pre-school his first year was one where it was very 'nursery' like, gentle play, not too formal, some painting, lots of toys, mostly indoor.

Then next year moved to the primary school pre-school. More school like, responsibilities, expectations of behaviour, but regular outside play & lots of choice. These were both different and met his needs in different ways.

There were children, boys in particular, who found the more 'nursery' one rigid & needed more 'running around outside' activities, who became bored and disruptive cooped up indoors.

You need to try to avoid becoming defensive yourself, emphasise that perhaps he's just getting used to his environment, still relatively new for him really.

It does take time to get used to being a 'sheep' IYKWIM (following the others, sitting when the others are etc)
my DS really struggeld with this for first half of pre-school year, but did get used to it.

Have they indicated exactly what they want to assess him for?

MrsVoltar - not aware of any other preschools (except one which is basically a big room where they just play all day). I want to give it time as I'm 35 weeks preg and want as few changes as poss for ds2, tho if this preschool isn't suited to him I'll need to address it

Arrogantcat - that he doesn't want to do songtime, runs from one activity to another at times, doesn't sit for whole circle time. When they had party at end of term (in a big hall) he didn't want to be there.

Let them assess him, there's nothing to loose. If things are ok you will have some peace of mind when he starts doing other strange things as all children do sometimes, and if there is something wrong your child get the help he needs at the best time to get it: when he is young and the problem can be helped with better results.

Assessments are not cheap, they cost a lot of money, if the school is asking for one, it is because they are concerned. They don't offer these things freely just to get more staff.

My son is exceptionally bright, an adult with his IQ would be happily welcomed by MENSA. He is very articulate, thought himself to read since a very early age, and is fantastic at mental maths. He also has special educational needs.

Having a diagnose has helped a lot, now he is getting the support he needs, he is having exercises to sort things that would have been impossible to sort in a few years time. Early intervention is the key.

He sounds like a perfectly normal child who knows his own mind to me. Not all kids enjoy songtime. My eldest always hated it at toddler groups (still does aged 4.5) and isn't it very common for preschoolers to wander off the carpet at circle time?

If he is very bright he may well need extra support anyway, so if an assessment can get him access to funding he could get one to one support to extend and broaden his learning, which would improve his nursery experience. People forget that giftedness is a special educational need too. Could his perceived restlessness have something to do with the impending sibling? Perhaps he is a little anxious that baby might arrive while he's at nursery and finds it unsettling? Have the assessment, it can't do any harm and it's a chance for the nursery to find out more about your son.

He sounds like a typical 3 year old. can't see any major issues.
I would be less impressed with the attitude of the staff, why should you have to go elsewhere? You are paying for a service. Not all children fit in a 'box'.what are they doing to encourage him to participate?

Thank you for all replies. Spoke with dh last night and read out bits of this thread. We think we will leave him to settle a not longer as relatively new still and only starting longer hours tomorrow. The HV is calling early Oct to see how it's going too as she offered to visit preschool. If he does have needs I'd want him to have help, just not convinced he has at mo. He's very strongwilled, bright, loving and wants to do well bless him. Also lots of changes for him going on. And to be honest, i feel really uncomfortable with lots of attention on my little boy and possible labelling as labels do tend to stick. I'm a Heath professional myself and aware how labels can follow a person.

Settle a bit longer* rather than a not longer. Sorry silly phone and fat fingers lol

When you say 'label' do you mean "diagnosis"? Diagnoses tend to stick because the conditions they refer to are life-long and not outgrown.

Lots going on here.

First things first: the nursery manager shouldn't have been hostile towards you. She is a professional, yet her behaviour towards you sounds unprofessional. It is a difficult thing to raise with parents and she should have handled this in a more sensitive and supportve way.

Re: the red flag being raised about assessment. You should take them up on this. Nurseries don't generally raise issues where there are none, and if everything is fine with your little boy, you have nothing to fear from having him see a professional (Ed Psych, Paed etc).

On a personal note, my son was extremely bright - leaps and bounds ahead of others - and a very sociable, funny, lovely little thing. When he started p/t nursery at 3 yrs old he didn't settle that well - wouldnt join in a lot of the time, hated taking direction etc. The nursery wanted to have a woman from the local authority early years autism team come and have a look at him. I resisted. Two years - and months and months of having to get all the assessments done myself - he was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. A better label than 'naughty' or 'disruptive', which had started to happen when my bright, misunderstood boy started school .

LadyMary - thanks for sharing that. My ds2 sounds quite similar. I guess the 'labelling' I was feeling was that the diagnosis been pushed was attention deficit which IMO is overly used and not applicable to ds (he has good sleep pattern, he can clearly sit still and focus for longer periods. His dad (my dh) does lack some of the social skills but is very very academic with 2 degrees in physics and mathematics. I wonder if there is an element of hereditry here too. Also the manager is new and quite young. The older woman who is retiring doesn't seem to feel there are any big concerns and to see how he settles, so different messages been given.