4 month old only just smiling

[elliejjtiny]

DS5 is 19 weeks old and was born at 36+6 so only just prem. He was very poorly though. My waters broke at 35 weeks and then I got chorioamnionitis. By the time he was born by crash C-section he was in a bad way and it took 40 minutes to stabilise him enough to move him from theatre to NICU where he was put on CPAP. I was really poorly too, in HDU and so it was 14 hours after he was born that I got to see and cuddle him for the first time. We were both really poorly for a few days and I don't remember much but I don't think he was cuddled until I was well enough to do it myself. He was very jaundiced too so spent a lot of the first week under lights and the midwives said I could only get him out of his cot for feeding.

He is now only just starting to smile. He's also got some low tone/development delay. Is this because he was on his own so much in the first few days?

Sounds like you had a scary start with him. I work with children with developmental delay. I don't think him being on his own would have an impact. If you are worried please talk to your health visitor or gp. It's still such early days but there is help if he is missing milestones.

Thankyou. The HV thinks I'm a bit neurotic as he gave her a smile straight away. The paed tried for ages to get him to smile but he just frowned at her so she is referring him to opthamology to see if its his eyesight that's the problem.

I think part of the problem is I feel guilty that he was on his own so much. At the time it was agony to even get into a wheelchair and I felt so sick and dizzy from the infection and morphine so I didn't visit him much, although I sent DH down there whenever he came to visit me. Now the memories have faded a bit I keep thinking I should have been there with him more.

After a tough start like that you've earned the right to be neurotic so dont worry what the hv thought! Dd was 13 weeks early and was too poorly to hold for 11 days. She is sweet, affectionate and so emotionally generous now at 3. Try not to feel guilty about those early days - he wont remember even if you'll never forget. If he does end up w delays (dd had a few but is now storming along) its much more likely to do w the fact he was poorly than alone x x x

Hi, My daughter is 19 weeks+2 today and didn't have any cuddles with me for the first 3-4 weeks after she was born. Just holding hands on her head and feet and gentle touch were allowed. Stroking was forbidden. She is 25(+0) seeker and born survivor. Currently in PICU with accute broncholitis. Once we were able to we spent hours doing Kangaroo care and Skin to Skin. Not sure how much lack of contact with us impacted her but the most important thing at that time was keeping her alive. She may have some delays but as far as many parents of preemies say their babies / children catch up by the time they go to school...So keep faith and give your little one time...

My DS was a 31 weeker, he'll be 14 months (actual) tomorrow and he rarely smiles. It took months and months before I saw a smile (his eyes are fine) and over 11 months to hear a sound resembling a laugh. I wasn't able to hold him for weeks and was often left alone during the evenings/nights. He has SPD and developmental delays but it's due to the fact that he was born ill not because he left alone. I doubt he even cares/remembers that I wasn't there all the day.

Your LO is developing at his own rate, and every child is different, and it takes time. I'm sure he'll catch up/blossom when he's ready :)

i had a perm at 28weeks she is now 19 months old and she cant talk only just started walking, crys all the time, she crys when bathing her she crys when i change her bum, always wanting attention , pulls her own hair out , head buts thing, hits and bites her brother, crys when i breast feed her little brother, she will put loads of food into her mouth and make herself chock so someone will cone running,
sorry to hear about u having a prem, im sure ur baby will catch up, "professionals" are in such a rush for babies to talk and walk ect ect.. i think ur baby will smile and do other things when their ready, i find it hard with my girl, really find it hard to cope with her most times lol xx

another thing, when my daughter was born she was in intensive care for 3months and i only saw her once a week,,,! i feel guilty that she was on her own all the time, and it made me feel like i wasnt her mum as i wasnt there helping or changing her bum or helping with the feeds,! but i could help that as she was 20 odd miles away and i dont drive,! [sa i still feel bad to this day, i havent got a bond with her like i do my sons xx

OP, it is not your fault! The fact that he was very poorly and has taken a while to recover may mean that he is a little delayed at the moment, and smiles etc are a part of development.
Its good that he is being followed up and monitored but the lack of contact with you will not cause his delay.
I understand your feelings, ds2 was very prem & in NICU for a long while, he was 18 hours old before I got to see him & weeks before I held him, cuddles, contact and stimulation now is what matters.