How can I help?

[nancerama]

My lovely friend gave birth to her baby girl at just 32 weeks. They have been transferred to a specialist unit far from their home while baby is in NICU.

I'd love to do something special for my brave, beautiful friend, but am terrified I might put my foot in it. Any suggestions?

Stock her freezer with meals in individual portions for when she comes out, keep sending messages of support, take her good home cooked food, she will be hungry.

Support her partner/husband, they get forgotten.

Just asking her if she wants to talk is special. Having a baby in IC is incredibly stressful & heartbreaking. Also, continue to offer support after baby comes home - a lot of people assume everything will be ok then, but it can be harder than when the baby is in hospital.

You sound like a lovely friend btw

I meant to say, I'm 2 hours away, although of course that's no obstacle if she needs me. I can hop in the car at a moment's notice. There's unfortunately no popping anywhere.

They aren't at home. The NICU is an hour at least from their normal home, so they are staying in the area of the hospital.

My heart is breaking for them. They have a 2 year old too. Such an upheaval for her too.

And thanks Gin. I will call her when DS is finally asleep tonight. I wasn't sure if it would be intrusive or not.

Maybe you could offer to take the 2 year old for outings on occasional afternoons? She is too little to understand why her parents' attention is elsewhere, and it would probably be a weight off your friend's mind to know that her daughter is being entertained and not stuck in the hospital with them all the time.

I loved getting text messages from friends who just wanted to check in, with no obligation to reply. I couldn't always face phone conversations in our NICU days...

All the best to your friend.

I agree texts rather than calls. I had hardly any time while in NICU (I was staying in the hospital) as I was nappy changing trying to bf at every 3 hourly feed, then expressing and also was there for dr rounds etc. Any spare time I was sleeping. Texts better as she can choose when she replies.

Texts with no obligation to reply/give details are best (ie "thinking of you, hope it's all going in the right direction" rather than "how are things going")

Clothes and nappies for whatever size their baby is - they probably won't have anything or any time to buy anything - some NICUs supply nappies others don't. My MIL bought us lots of prem size babygros and vests, much appreciated. Cardigans and hats are good too.

And totally agree about the support once her dd is home - it is likely she will be rather harder work than the average newborn and may have reflux etc.

best wishes to your friend , you sound v lovely

Thanks so much everyone. I've left her a voicemail a few days ago to let her know that I'm thinking of them all and to call any time she feels like a chat.

I've texted her today again and offered to do shopping, washing, other errands.

She has a lovely mum and sister and 2 delightful SILs, so I'm sure she's getting lots of support. I don't want to intrude, but want her to know that she has support.

And I hope you and your babies are all doing well too x

Look on the hospital website and see what shops there are there or close by - if they are staying away from home they will be racking up costs buying food and drink in the hospital, and having gift cards for Costa/WHSmith/ M&S to buy ready meals will be much appreciated.

Have a look at Pop 'N' Grow. They are a charity that sends out care packages of little outfits straight to the hospital, you just need a few details.
www.popngrow.moonfruit.com