Unsure if I’m doing the right thing

[YourFastGreyOtter]

Hi all,

I hope I posted this in the right place!

Basically I (31F) am now 7 weeks pregnant, I didn’t plan to be pregnant at all, and my first thought was that I wouldn’t go through with it – especially because my boyfriend (36M) and I haven’t been dating long (6 months 🫠) and we are very long distance (he lives in Brazil)

But as time has passed I realised that I really want to keep the baby, even though I know that it’s not great timing, and it will be challenging moving over to Brazil whilst pregnant, and then there’s the case of potentially having to find a new remote job in Brazil too after the baby is born.

My boyfriend isn’t super keen on the idea, he wants me to move there and will support my decision either way but he stresses it’s not the right time for a baby and says what if we don’t work out etc. And I get it. I will always be a little gutted I didn’t get the excited ‘yaaay you’re pregnant this is so exciting’. But also I would be more than ready or willing to raise the baby alone if needs be. (Even though I know he wouldn’t want that and would still be involved etc)

But despite everything I really still want to keep the baby. Am I being selfish? Or unfair on him or the baby? I get it won’t be a perfect start, but I will absolutely try my best 😭

It’s also worth adding that my boyfriend recently just moved back to his hometown and is finding a new job and new apartment. But I know he will sort this out pretty quickly, and it actually kind of works out in our favour looking for an apartment together that’s suitable for the baby too. I also have a pretty good job so I’m able to get some good savings in place for moving/baby supplies/first year of rent etc.

Would it be better for citizenship etc of you had the baby in your home country? My main worry in a short term relationship would be that if ypu split up you'd end up stuck in another country without support. Admittedly I don't know how it all works though.

This is very difficult. I think you need to get some advice - from parents, friends and a therapist. This will change your whole life in nearly every way.

I think you have a lot more to consider than you realise. If you have this baby in Brazil and you then split up you could very well find yourself unable to return home with the baby if you decide to do so one day. Please read up on the Hague Convention before you uproot your whole life.

You have only been with this man a few months but he is living across the world. How well do you know him and how much time have you spent together? Visiting someone isn’t the same as living with them and being around them day in day out. Also do you speak Portuguese? English while spoken by some people in Brazil isn’t the main language and you don’t want to be depending on your boyfriend in a foreign country to translate for you wherever you go. I can’t imagine giving birth and going through maternity appointments in a new area where I don’t even speak the language.

Who will support you in the post natal period, presumably he will be at work much of the time? If you merge finances to purchase an apartment or home it could get messy should you separate at some stage. You really haven’t thought this out at all because how do you know he will support you financially? A move like this will deplete your savings faster than you think.