3 in my 40s? Am I mad?

[DaffodilsPlease]

Hiya, looking forward to hearing some sound advice. We have two boys (4 year old just starting school and a 2.5 year old) who are both very active happy boys. We are considering a third as we both love being parents but the issue is Im 45 soon. So it will be 3 in my 40s (via IVF). We still have 2 embryos left so could try for another. Im so torn.

We have no parents so no free child care or suppport and there are times when we are truly exhausted. Maybe thats natural or maybe its our age. But I think our eldest starting school will really help as he needs the stimulation and hes starting to show signs of maturing. He hated having a new baby in the house and was very jealous but I think thats just his nature. The boys play well sometimes and really make eachother laugh.

My husband really wants another. Im tired but do feel the same.

Has anyone else had 3 in their 40s? I will say I am young for my age but the sound of 3 in my 40s seems to make me worried. It sounds like I should make the papers!

I have a friend who has done this- she had IVF around 41 so the embryos are from younger eggs than her actual age. She had her first at 40 and her third at 45! Unlike you her DH was very reluctant to implant the third but she does have support from her parents.

I think the age gap and the enthusiasm is more important than your age!

Thank you for this! I really thought I might be the only human being to contemplate this. We're really swinging back and forth it. It will be very tiring but I think we've got time for one more.

Can I ask, how much do your friends parents help? And how does she feel energy-wise?

I have a friend who had her youngest 3 children in her 40’s. Her youngest at 45. No family support. They are frazzled but love it, and now out of the trenches of young children (youngest is end of primary) and she’s lamenting not having time for another one 😅

She was living with her parents the first year after having the third, but her husband was working away. They've now moved out and she has all 3 in school/nursery which helps a lot I think! I think she is tired but happy she did it and the age gaps will be amazing growing up together.

I like the use of the word trenches here! It does feel like that. And we werent prepared! But now we're in it we kind of think, we may as well double down and go for it while we can and it will one day get easier.

Famous last words!

We have booked a consultation with our clinic next thursday so we can make a decision. He may tell us we're too old and to just enjoy our 2 boys but Im not sure if thats how private medical care works! Are they on commission 🤣