Abortion dilemma please help x

[Cwoffeelover1]

I know no one can make the decision for me and it will ultimately come down to my choice but does anyone have any words of wisdom from experience or just advice on what they would do? It’s hard from the inside looking out especially when I’m so emotional right now…

So I found out a week and half ago I’m pregnant (unplanned).. it couldn’t have come at a worst time for the following reasons…

Me and my kids dad have been on and off for along time now due to his ongoing cocaine/ alcohol addiction and I have finally got him out of my house for me and my kids to start a fresh

I have a 1 and 9 year old already would have 2 under 2 at one point

I only live in a 2 bed apartment (can’t afford to move right now as rent is too expensive)

I left uni due to anxiety and have recently been taking antidepressants I felt my mood was improving and I was on my way to going back to uni or work

Due to me not working financially it is tough we couldn’t afford to take the kids on holiday with family this year

My baby was also poorly after birth and that was really traumatic I don’t know how it will affect my mental health this time

As you can see the odds are stacked against me.. practically and logically I cannot have this baby my brain sees that it would be for the best for myself my children to be as we are and work on the kids I already have and myself.

I know the only way I could afford this baby is if I worked hard but with limited support from family and unreliable support from their dad I couldn’t afford 2 nursery’s and school clubs to even do that so I’d be completely snookered and I’m worried all of my children would suffer from my financial strain

I’m booked in to the clinic tomorrow to have a dating scan and they said I can have the medication given to me there to take home I know it’s the right thing to do and all this will be over

It’s just breaking my heart the guilt I feel towards it I’ll be 6 weeks tomorrow I came off my antidepressants when I found out and started taking prenatal vitamins I just keep feeling like I’m betraying it it’s one of my children like my other children and I’m not giving it a chance like they have had it’s hurting me so much do you think when I’ve took the tablets my mind will stop wandering and I will feel relief even if heartbroken

100% it is in the best interests of your existing kids to terminate. Well done for being so adult about it.

I don't know what to say, more than, I would be making the same decision as you every day of the week. There is zero way I would be having another child.

Well done getting rid of the addict ex, take care of yourself.

Bump

(PS - the 'pro-life', aka misogynistic anti-choice nutjobs will be along soon, ignore them. I've asked MN to move this to a better area of the site for you)

Marie Stopes and BPAS offer a counselling service so you can ask about that tomorrow. You can speak to them if you decide to go through with the abortion, or before you make the decision.

For me personally, since you’ve asked, I would be having the abortion for the sake of the two children I already had.

Do you know you don’t want any more kids? Are you content with it being the three of you?

I think you need to accept that this is probably something you will continue to think about but that might be less of a cross to bear than having another baby right now.

Sorry that you have to make this decision

I believe you will be doing the right thing if you go with the practical option. There is no point in making your life and your two DC lives more difficult than they need to be.

It sounds like you’re making a sensible choice in not wanting to continue this pregnancy. You are prioritising your health and your existing children and there’s nothing wrong with that.

There’s not a single good reason for bringing a baby into this mix imo. Your children’s lives are completely upside down at the moment. I think you should be working on building stability for them, not doing the one thing that will cause the maximum possible amount of stress and disruption

Go with your head and not your heart in this case. Another child would put too much pressure on you, you know that. The circumstances just aren't right. Terminate the pregnancy and ask for counselling. For your own sake, and the sake of your children, you know this is the right decision.

SUCH a personal decision that I don't see how anyone else can really help except to tell you it is your choice.

Personally, I would have the baby as I know I wouldn't be able to cope with an abortion. But it sounds like you feel the opposite and wouldn't be able to cope with another baby. It has to be your decision.

It’s very hard to see any benefit to any of you if you continue with the pregnancy. It’s not a nice thing to have to do but we are so fortunate to have choices available to us.

Do you have someone to support you?

In your situation personally I would terminate too. I think counselling like a pp said sounds a good idea but you do sound like you’re really just starting to get your life on track and this could impact your progress. You’ve done amazingly so far, be kind to yourself 🫂

Definitely see if you can get counselling to talk it all through. Hopefully that will help you come to the one that's right for you.

Termination is definitely the best choice for you and your children in this situation.

For what it’s worth I would also make the same decision as you - as hard as it is another baby into the mix would be so very tough. Take care and reach out for counselling if you need it.

I'm so sorry that you find yourself having to make this decision.

I do agree with previous posters - I don't think keeping the baby would be the right decision for your children or you in your current circumstances. Sending biggest hugs x

Really? You'd bring another child into that situation just to spare yourself a medical procedure?

I'm sorry OP as I understand why you might be struggling with this but from a logical perspective you should feel no guilt, there is nothing about the situation as you describe it that sound alike a good or fair start in life and it also sounds like on a practical level it's only going to make your current situation worse. I hope things get better for you in the future 💐

Gosh how mixed up and emotional you must feel, nevermind the hormones.
I would be terminating in yiur shoes too, but I would be broken up about it and definitely allow myself to grieve - grieve the relationship, the termination, etc
Are your family supportive? Could you confide for some emotional support and maybe a day off where you could relax, shop, spa, decorate your new flat. Something to look forward to the now and the new

Well done for prioritising your existing children x

Op you are making the right decison for you.

I have zero idea how single parents cope trying to manage kids, afterschool, clubs plus the costs of raising kids.

Take care of yourself, you can't pour from an empty cup

You're a great mother, OP, not just to your existing kids, but also to this embryo. The most loving thing we can possibly do for our children sometimes is not bring them into an awful situation where we're not able or prepared to give them everything they need and deserve. It sounds so cut and dry that a termination is necessary in this case, I believe once you've healed physically you'll be incredibly glad you made this decision. I hope it goes smoothly.

I can't see having it will do your little family any good. I don't know how old you are but when I made that decision a long way back, I opted to be sterilised at the same time so that I would never find myself in that position again.

It took me a good few years to get over it! Be brave xx

Obviously this choice is for you to make and our opinions are just that, opinions.

But I would personally terminate in your situation. Although abortions are heartbreaking and can be hard to go through and may require counselling after I do think it’s in the best interest of your existing children to have the abortion