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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Would you terminate because of money issues?

62 replies

Buttons659 · 27/07/2023 00:07

trigger warning* talk of abortion.

Id just like some opinions. Would you terminate an unplanned pregnancy if finances were the only factor.
Would you bring a baby into the world if you knew you couldn’t give her everything she needs.
is love enough?

For info: we are a married couple (I’m 39 DH is 42) and we survive on my husbands’s wage only and some UC top up. I can no longer work due to being a full time carer for my disabled eldest daughter.
We already have 3 children. (Age 20, 19, and 8)
We manage, but we forego luxuries.
We only have 3 bedrooms and financially we’d struggle a lot!

what would you do?
i am so sorry that this is a tough topic.

OP posts:
askmeonemoretime · 27/07/2023 00:28

Can you get counselling for this? It doesn't really matter what other people would do.

KingTriton · 27/07/2023 00:31

Yes I would. Finances are a huge factor imo.

Boogiebot · 27/07/2023 00:32

For me it would depend. If for example it was the difference between designer shoes or bog standard ones I would have a baby. But if it was shoes or eat then I wouldn't.

With the ages of the kids you'd be able to claim uc for a baby as I assume your just claiming for the 8 year old anyways. Is one of the older kids likely to move out any time soon?

Maddy70 · 27/07/2023 01:08

Yes. It's a very good reason not to being a child into the world

neilyoungismyhero · 27/07/2023 01:15

Personally I would terminate, it sounds like you're all living on the edge now.

Runnerduck34 · 27/07/2023 01:19

Im sorry you are in this predicament.
I nearly terminated my 4th pregnancy for similar reason, finanicially in a difficult place and that in turn was putting a huge strain our marriage.
Decided to have an abortion, went to the clinic twice, but then couldnt actually through with it.
So had the baby and it did all work out fine in the end but i spent most of my pregnancy in tears with stress of it all.
Only you can decide.
Your oldest 2 must be fairly indpendent . Is the third bedroom big enough for 2 DC.
Its a lot to think about and is overwhelming but try not to rush too much, might be worth seeing if you can get emergency counselling.
Whatever you decide good luck.

caringcarer · 27/07/2023 01:28

I'd have the baby if finances were the only thing stopping me. You'll get more UC so you can probably manage. You'll get child benefit too. Your older DC may leave in a couple of years and the baby can sleep in a cot in your room.

strongcupofTea · 27/07/2023 02:15

Yes I have done this myself. We were living in a 3 bed house, struggling financially, 3 children youngest disabled. I found out I was pregnant and had a termination.
I'm not sure if it was the right decision long term because we're much better off now, but it was the right decision at the time.
Doesn't make it easy though but it is what it is.

Mangotango39 · 27/07/2023 02:21

Personally, yes I would.
In principle , love is enough but finances have a huge effect on mental health for the parents and other children also.

It's a very valid reason not to continue if you choose not to.

Maraudingmarauders · 27/07/2023 02:29

Personally I would. Especially when you factor in that you're a full time carer, and your next youngest child is 8. Are you really in a position to have the stress and exhaustion of a newborn if you're caring full time, and potentially will be for the rest of your life? You've most likely got rid of all the baby stuff so will have to get all that again (money and space!) Your children will have to share or move out pretty quickly given size of house etc. It just feels like you'd be putting untenable pressure on yourselves.

Saying that, babies are born into a lot worse and people manage if they have to. It has to be your choice at the end of the day. But from the outside looking in, with just the cold facts of day, I'd be ending the pregnancy. Only you know if you can cope with the repercussions of that - emotionally.

LuckyPeonies · 27/07/2023 02:35

Absolutely, I would terminate.

Ponderingwindow · 27/07/2023 03:06

finances have always been hugely weighted in my pregnancy decisions.

Sycasmores · 27/07/2023 03:40

Of course. Not being able to give a child the basics and also taking much needed attention and care away from an existing set of 3 siblings would be more than enough. What if this baby is disabled? Would you cope? No way would I take the chance.

Annaishere · 27/07/2023 04:07

No

Canthave2manycats · 27/07/2023 04:13

No

AuntieMarys · 27/07/2023 04:29

Absolutely

ArcticSkewer · 27/07/2023 04:38

I'd terminate on other grounds. 3 kids already. Absolutely huge age gap. Disabled eldest needs full time care. Doesn't sound like a baby in the mix would be particularly life enhancing for you. Do you really need the stress?
But yeah, finances too.

Coatimundi · 27/07/2023 04:43

I certainly would, and most definitely in your case. You seem to have a very full plate already, and need to focus on your existing children.

Rightsraptor · 27/07/2023 04:45

I'd terminate too. A large % of abortions are carried out on women in your type of situation (married with several children) because they know how very difficult life will be if they go ahead with the pregnancy.

Best of luck.

PinkNailpolish · 27/07/2023 04:53

I wouldn't terminate a pregnancy if the only issue was finances, but this isn't your biggest issue.

Your youngest is 8 years old and that is a really big age gap (I'm not close to my sibling who is nearly 9 years younger than me). The gap between your adult children is of course even bigger!

Then there's whether you'd be able to cope as a full time carer of your disabled adult dd as well as caring for a newborn and then toddler and then primary school child. Your age and your DH's age are an issue. Disabled babies are more likely to be born to older parents. Could you cope with another disabled child?

useitorlose · 27/07/2023 05:06

Yes, my sister did.

pmd88 · 27/07/2023 10:55

No.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/07/2023 10:57

I would have a termination in those circumstances yes, even if I could afford another baby I am also a FT carer for our youngest and I couldn't stretch myself with a fourth baby, my other two children still need lots from me and it is already hard.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/07/2023 10:59

I'd be talking to DH about him seriously thinking oabout a vasectomy as well op.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 27/07/2023 11:02

PinkNailpolish · 27/07/2023 04:53

I wouldn't terminate a pregnancy if the only issue was finances, but this isn't your biggest issue.

Your youngest is 8 years old and that is a really big age gap (I'm not close to my sibling who is nearly 9 years younger than me). The gap between your adult children is of course even bigger!

Then there's whether you'd be able to cope as a full time carer of your disabled adult dd as well as caring for a newborn and then toddler and then primary school child. Your age and your DH's age are an issue. Disabled babies are more likely to be born to older parents. Could you cope with another disabled child?

Spot on. Finances can change but your responsibility to your existing disabled child won't.