Medical abortion, feel so sad

[Amelie1988]

Hi everyone,

I’ve had a medic abortion today. My reasons were that I already have two children, I suffered with postnatal depression after both their births, the first leading to an admission into a mother and baby unit. I’ve just started a new job so wouldn’t qualify for maternity pay and we’re currently living with family in order to save for a deposit. In spite of this, I feel sad and guilty. I think once you have children, you look at them and know what could’ve been. Essentially my heart wanted the baby, but my head knew it wasn’t the right time.

Has anyone else been through similar? x

Just reaching out. those first few weeks after can be really emotionally. the clinic tell you the physical stuff but not the mental side. give yourself time to grieve and reassure yourself it will become less raw as time goes on. Maybe keep a list to remind yourself why. ive got a child and had a termination a few weeks ago so completely relate. reach out if you need to- its only talking to other people that have got me through the last few weeks x

That’s so kind @Saskia2023 thank you so much. How are you feeling? Xx

Hi - I had a medical termination 5 days ago. I’ve cried almost non stop since and can’t believe what I’ve done. I have two kids already and my reasons for terminating all seemed so compelling at the time but now seem so insignificant. I was the same as you - my heart wanted the baby but my head said we can’t handle anymore. I have to go back to work on Tuesday and I can’t fathom how I’m going to function or even try to start getting past this.

I was in the same boat, two kids already, unexpected pregnancy and I had a medical abortion. Heart wanted it, head thought I couldn’t/ shouldn’t keep it for so many reasons. Couldn’t face work for about two weeks after and felt incredibly sad.

8 months on and I would’ve been due this month - I can honestly say things are much easier. It was an incredibly rough time for a few months afterwards though, and I do still feel sad from time to time, fluctuates with my cycle. I am now considering trying for a third but I’m ok with the decision I made at the time. I would’ve had 3 under 5 which just wouldn’t have been good for anyone involved.

I think if you have a tendency towards anxiety/ depression/ mental health issues before then the fallout has the potential to be so much worse. I suffered from really experience PNA with my first.

Hope you both find some peace with the decision.

I’m quite an anxious person, a chronic overthinker and get horrible pre-natal depression, which I’m sure influenced my decision to terminate. I wish I’d have the sense to realise this would have a big impact on me emotionally, but it helps to hear you’re at peace with your decision and I hope I will be there someday too. Thanks for sharing x

Same- i suffered bad mentally and had prenatal depression and was worried about post natalm depression but suffer generally with intrusive thoughts and being anxious and don't know why i thought i would just waltz out the procedure and get on with my life when I struggle with a lot of things! its like i completely detached. I am so angry at my husband as he just didn't think it would effect me and should have recognised what i would be like as I detached from myself x

Hi everyone,

How are you all feeling? Thank you so much for responding, at the very least at least we’re not alone. I’m feeling more level headed today but still very sad, my tummy aches with the pain when I think about it. My closest friend hasn’t been supportive at all, I think she thinks abortion means you don’t have a right to be upset. There but for the grace of god go I…

x

sorry you are not getting the support you need. reach out to us, we are all going through it and its so hard to explain to anyone else. Its certainly not something that i thought would be part of my story! x

I can’t believe your friend is behaving like that! Is there someone else you can confide in and yes, like Saskia says, talk to us. We’re all in the same boat and happy to chat anytime.

you have every right to be sad and mourn what could have been. I know I am. I’m feeling a little more level headed too but just so exhausted I can hardly keep my eyes open. Not sure if that’s normal or because of all the blood loss or what’s going on

So last month I found out I was pregnant I was very early on only 4 weeks and got myself into a complete shock and panicked.I had a medical abortion 4days after and now I fully regret it. I thought I was doing the right thing for my 2 kids 1 is 14 with autism and my other who is 4 and can be a handful at times and is my baby, my youngest was a twin but only one had a heartbeat and the other was a vanishing twin I think this is where my anxiety started 5 years ago. Through his pregnancy we moved house I put on 4 stone and just was completely depressed but didn’t really know it at the time I probably had PND as I just put it down to being heavily pregnant moving areas new home ect. Since then I’ve always been terrified of being pregnant I don’t know why but have had a few scares and always immediately thouggt I couldnt keep it, I would get my self all worked up on the negatives and never thinking of the positives. Anyway. So I made the desision last month as I fell into complete doom insomnia started I was a nervous wreck and that I couldn’t put my family in jeopardy I seen the baby as a threat which now is just ridiculous!! my life then was perfect both kids had there own rooms and juggling my times between the two was right, I have came off sertraline in December and thought I have overcome my anxiety to which I actually didn’t looking back now since December I should of stayed on it. I went to the clinic 2 days later and had a scan where they said it was just a sac no embryo no fetal pole, nothin inside just a sac which made my anxiety think it was more justifiable, I went home with the meds and spoke to my partner almost convincing him that we can’t carry on with the pregnancy he said that it was my choice and he would support me either way, I wish he knew that I was in a state of panick but I was also trying to convince myself at the same time, I took the first pill and then that was that. Instant regret like my mental illness played some evil trick on me I am now still suffering with bad insomnia and serve anxiety where I have now gone back onto sertraline and propannaol to beat this mental illness and im waiting for counseling from NHs and Msi. It always makes me make the worst desisions through negative thinking, as I’m now coming to terms with what happened and I’m back on my meds I’ve had a lot of time to think about my actions and considering having a 3rd child. I am not trying to replace the conception in any way shape or form, but my truest desire is always having another child to complete my family. I would like to hear of other ladies that have been through a similar situation and went on and had another baby as this is all I’m thinking about.

Really sorry to hear what you are going through. there are a few of on here who have done the same- terminated because of depression/anexity when what we needed was support and to talk to someone to help us seperate what we actually wanted from our mh driven fears. Prenatal depression is a common issue but the clinics never seem to check for it nor do they pick up that if you already have mental health issues, then the termination will take it out of you so much more. those few weeks are horrendous- i am 2.5 months on and I promise the rawness will subside a bit- it will still feel sad but not that overwhelming grief and i started to sleep again which helped. The need for another baby is also biological- even though im married in those first few weeks I was googling sperm donation thats how deperate i was. All i can advise is give yourself some time, have your msi counselling and see how you feel in a few weeks. In the meantime just message if you need to chat- theres a few of us who have been where you have been and I would not have got through it without other people on this group. sending you lots of love x

Thank you so much really appreciate your wise words how are you doing? Are you plannning on having another child?

Why would you not get maternity pay?

I too aborted when I really wanted the child. It's awful. I can't say you did the right thing, because that's your choice. I will however remind you, you are a strong resultant women and are working so hard for your children. You have worked through your past struggles with your mental health and pregnancy/post was a struggle. You can do this. Please grieve and remind yourself why you are a strong woman and mother.

Can you ask for any help? Although post termination advice was non existent for me.

I have had a medical abortion few days ago and feel extremely upset. My reasons were somewhat similar to your. I've git 2 kids and my youngest is 6 months. I had c section with him. I've had 2 c sections and me and my partner didn't think it was safe to go ahead with this pregnancy. I'm in the same boat. It's all very raw at the moment. I feel really sad and guilty about it all. I don't know if I'd ever be able to get over this. 😕

I’ve avoided looking at this thread since but want to thank you all for your kind words. @IMRAA I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please try not to feel guilty. As mothers we expect ourselves to be infallible but I firmly believe that putting the well-being of yourself and your existing children is the priority. They are here and they need you. And beyond that, you deserve to be happy and healthy. We put ourselves on a pedestal when in reality, we didn’t ask to be here either and we deserve happiness. Choosing whether to terminate a pregnancy is agony and I think the agony of that decision is hard enough without us putting undue pressure and guilt and shame on ourselves - though I know from experience that is more easily said than done. Sending you love x

@Amelie1988 can I ask how you're feeling about it all now - currentlygoing through similar? Sounds like you did a very selfless thing, putting your two children first xxx

@Locum I feel strongly that I made the right decision. Emotionally and financially we could not cope with another baby right now. Honestly, I do still feel broody but I’m letting my head rule my heart whilst the idea of a new baby is beautiful, I know that the reality is different. X

Thank you so much for this post. Im home after having a scan and being prescribed for an early medical abortion. At 42 with 2 of my own children and 2 stepchildren I was never expecting to be in this position, especially due to having a previous ectopic and suffering endometriosis and PCOS.

I had a good cry with my partner in the car after the consultation….I was further on than I expected so the original shock of the test felt like it came back again.

I know we are making the right decision and I’m scared that I’ll be in pain in front of our kids and hoping to take second lot tomorrow evening to manage it whilst they’re sleeping as they are all teenagers and very nosey.

Sending you so much love @Bumble42 it is never an easy decision even when we know it’s for the best. ♥️

Thank you so much @Amelie1988 that is very kind. Your words reached out to me form the screen as soon as I read this after reading a few posts. You have articulated it all so well and others. I just wanted to reach out and let you know how much it’s helped reading this thread even though my heart is aching x

Oh @Bumble42 my heart is with you. It’s an agony you can’t imagine until you’ve been through it. Please feel free to message me anytime you like xxx

I know this is an old thread but I needed write somewhere how I'm feeling. Had a medical abortion yesterday, I was just over 9 weeks. I have a 22 month old and a 6 month old, the time just wasn't right for another and I wouldn't have coped. I had 3 miscarriages before my first so I never thought in a million years I would choose to terminate a pregnancy 😔.
Having had miscarriages, I thought I knew what to expect after taking the tablets but I was wrong. I saw everything, the little eyes, arms and legs. Perfectly formed and tiny baby. I cannot get that image out of my head.
To top it off, my partner is not being understanding or supportive at all and I just feel very alone.

so sorry what you are going through. its so hard as sometimes our head has to rule our heart but that doesn't make it any easier. its so hard as the partners see it as a pragmatic, practical decision whereas when we see things all the practicalities seem nothing compared to our heart. those first few weeks are the worst- partly because even if it is the better of two hard options, our hormones dont see it that way. please message us on here any time. many of us got through it from the support of other women on this board. we all understand as have been there and no one quite prepares you for the emotional turmoil you may feel as it is a grief. it doesn't mean it wasn't the right decision but just sorry you are having to go through it x

@Saskia2023 thank you so much for your reply, means a lot. I've spent a lot of today reading different forums from women in similar situation which has made me feel a little better and less alone x