Is it safe to get pregnant again quickly after abortion?

[Foolish33]

Hi,

TW: regret. I know my feelings and emotions are not what everybody who has an abortion goes through.

I had an abortion last month. It was the worst thing I have ever done. Half an hour before I took the first tablet I had decided to keep the baby, then was terrified and stupidly took the first tablet. I have been so stupid; I felt rushed to decide quickly before it developed further. I tried to make myself sick but couldn't. I rang up to see if there was anything that could be done but they said once you've taken the first tablet you have to go through with the rest. It was terrible - I had to have emergency counselling and rang Samaritans. I didn't know how I could go on afterwards.

I am doing better now. I know I made my decision out of love and wanting the best for my 2 current children. And it is my love for my children that have got me through the past weeks; they are my joy. However, the abortion was very much the wrong thing for me and I know now how much love I have to give for another child.

I would like another baby. Please do not judge me. I know all too well how messed up this all is. I went on the pill the day after the procedure, mainly just because I thought it might help my hormones level out and help me feel better, but I've now had my first 'period' and don't want to stay on it.

I just want to know, will it be safe for the baby? Has anybody quickly conceived after an abortion and it's been ok? I'm terrified that if I get pregnant quickly then I will be the cause of a problem with the baby, yet equally this feels like the way I need to heal.

Thank you.

. I know I made my decision out of love and wanting the best for my 2 current children. And it is my love for my children that have got me through the past weeks; they are my joy. However, the abortion was very much the wrong thing for me

as a parent we often do what may be “wrong” for us but right for our children. You did it last month. Do it again this month and the month after that eyc until you can be sure your desire aligns with your children’s best interests

Do you have a long term partner with whom you are in a loving and committed relationship with?

Yes I have a partner and we are in a stable loving relationship.
"There but for the grace of God go I".
I do not need judgement or criticism in this moment. Go find another outlet.

I will carry this with me always. I am not stupid or uneducated or whatever other preconception you may have instantly decided.

How long have you been with this partner?

why was it not in the interests of your children last month but is now?

We have been together 12 years. But this is none of your business. I have asked for advice, not for your inspection of my life and circumstances.
This is posted on the pregnancy choices board.

For what it is worth, my circumstances are fine. That's why it was the worst decision I've ever made.

I think it’s completely safe to get pregnant straight after an abortion.

Not here to judge at all, I made the same choice to terminate what would have been my third child 7 months ago now. I felt exactly the same as you in the early days. I was frantic for a long time. I knew at the time it was probably the right choice for my kids and totally the wrong choice for me, still do feel that way. Every month I have an internal debate about whether or not to try again but each month something stops me, probably the thought that I was doing it for my kids. I’m happy I didn’t dive in to getting pregnant again amidst all the grief as it now feels like if I make the decision to get pregnant again I’ll be completely sure it’s the best choice. I do have incredibly bad anxiety though, so it’s been hard figuring out what is a real concern and what is just my anxiety exaggerating the negatives. For example one of the reasons why I terminated was the climate crisis and being able to financially provide for three kids in what to me feels like a very uncertain future. Still not sure if that’s valid or just my anxiety.

That being said, I’m sure lots of women do instantly regret their terminations and get pregnant again and are very happy with their choice. If you’ve decided that you do want to try again already as it sounds like you have then I genuinely wish you all the best and hope that it’s the healing you need.

im in the same situation, did exactly the same thing and I let my anxiety get the best of me and was thinking about my current kids and life I thought having another child would jeopardize what I had, I just can’t live with the guilt as you I instantly regretted it. I was only 5 weeks didn’t feel pregnant it was unplanned I have a mri scan booked not long had blood test my folate was low and b12 so I just wanted the best for a child and thought it wasn’t the right time, my eldest has ASD and my youngest is a lot to handle just didn’t think I would cope and because I felt I need to be in control and plan a baby be Heathy mentally and physically. I know I was very early on so I thought I could manage it and It has made me realize I do want a baby and will be ttc soon, and I will be making sure I am fit healthy not smoking ect. before then. sometimes we make mistakes and we have to live by that but we can also make it right and having another will give me closure on this very hard time and maybe if I do have another I would be extremely blessed and will give 1000 in everything I do to make sure it will have the best start. I suffer with health anxiety so when I found out I just panicked and I let my anxiety make the desision for without actually coming to terms with the pregnancy, please don’t judge it took a lot to write this for other women who is going through the same thing as me

Thank you both. It means so much to hear from others who've felt the same.
I think I feel like I will be punished. Like I won't deserve a healthy baby so soon after making such a terrible choice. And if there was to be anything 'wrong' (although it would be loved no matter what) I would always see it as my fault.
I just so desperately wish I could go back in time. I just got scared before. I should have been strong and brave.

Exactly and we are not the only women who have done this, I had counciing and after it made me feel better, he told me that when I do have another baby I wouldn’t of met my future child if this unfortunate tragedy didn’t happen and it gives me faith and hope that everything happens for a reason, your not alone and thank you for starting this thread as I now know I’m not alone

I believe so, though there’s not much out there on the internet that confirms that. I am in a similar boat. I won’t bother saying things like ‘what has changed this time’, I posted a thread and that’s what people said to me. It’s unhelpful. Sometimes you can make the wrong decision, or it takes making such a huge decision such as terminating to make you realise what you DO want. I think I acted out of panic too.
Nonetheless, I will feel better when I can justify my choice to myself a bit more. We’re buying a house later in the year and hopefully getting married in the autumn too. From then I will be able to put my mind entirely at ease knowing that pregnancy will be planned and have so much more stability than the one I chose to terminate.

I don’t think there are risks OP as your body thinks you have miscarried, that is all. Punishment doesn’t exist in this way. You might’ve miscarried that pregnancy anyway, or any number of reasons. It’s all unknown. They say let at least one normal period return and then go for it if you feel ready. Sending lots of love and luck your way

Thank you. I am just struggling with the guilt so much. I've been so stupid and only have myself to blame. It will never leave me.

sending Hugs! Are you trying for another baby? I know it won’t fix what’s happened but it will fix you

Everything happens for a reason please keep that in mind

I'm still trying to decide whether to stop the pill and try again. I feel terrified still. I've been scouring the internet to find experiences and see if it does help to heal with another baby but can't see much.

@Foolish33 sending love. Could you possibly try and speak to a BPAS counsellor (or whichever provider offered the termination) it’s free and might help you come to terms with it. Last thing you want is to get pregnant again and immediately feel the same as the last one again.

Ultimately no decision is right or wrong… think of it this way, you wouldn’t have met your lovely future baby who is yet to be conceived if you hadn’t made the choice to terminate the previous pregnancy. You will be okay. It’s alright to make mistakes. I’d try not to dwell on this too much though and try to mentally view it as an unviable pregnancy. Doesn’t matter what made it unviable, natural causes or your choice! You can still have another viable pregnancy xxxx

Thank you. Your kindness means a lot.
I've had one counselling session but didn't find it useful as the counsellor really didn't say much, but maybe I was unlucky with him. I was meant to be having another session with a different counsellor yesterday but frustratingly my phone never rang (although they left a voicemail saying they'd tried to call, then I tried to ring back and they said it might be because my phone doesn't accept withheld numbers) so I've had to book a new session but not for another couple of weeks again... I could really use someone to talk to properly.
I had a long tearful chat with my partner last night. He's very rational and just sees it as done and move on now. It's funny because all his concerns about having a third child, like sleepless nights and crying babies, don't bother me at all - but all my concerns like having a baby with a serious disability just aren't things that even enter his mind.

Ladies have miscarriages and have healthy babies all the time you just need to go for it and accept that as you said you would love the baby regardless

I’m fixing my mistake for the child I plan to have it helps me feel better knowing that when I do get pregnant I will be 1000 committed and happy with my desision and know that this unfortunate time in my life will a relief it’s just a waiting game now so take your vitamins if it happens it happens

How are you feeling today?

Hi, thanks for asking. Not doing great today. Very tearful and sad.
Still thinking about trying again but scared that I'll just still feel this sad.

It will be the healing process you might need

How do I know for sure though? What if it just makes everything worse? Thank you for your kindness. I'm feeling very hollow and lost.