Is it safe to get pregnant again quickly after abortion?

[Foolish33]

Hi,

TW: regret. I know my feelings and emotions are not what everybody who has an abortion goes through.

I had an abortion last month. It was the worst thing I have ever done. Half an hour before I took the first tablet I had decided to keep the baby, then was terrified and stupidly took the first tablet. I have been so stupid; I felt rushed to decide quickly before it developed further. I tried to make myself sick but couldn't. I rang up to see if there was anything that could be done but they said once you've taken the first tablet you have to go through with the rest. It was terrible - I had to have emergency counselling and rang Samaritans. I didn't know how I could go on afterwards.

I am doing better now. I know I made my decision out of love and wanting the best for my 2 current children. And it is my love for my children that have got me through the past weeks; they are my joy. However, the abortion was very much the wrong thing for me and I know now how much love I have to give for another child.

I would like another baby. Please do not judge me. I know all too well how messed up this all is. I went on the pill the day after the procedure, mainly just because I thought it might help my hormones level out and help me feel better, but I've now had my first 'period' and don't want to stay on it.

I just want to know, will it be safe for the baby? Has anybody quickly conceived after an abortion and it's been ok? I'm terrified that if I get pregnant quickly then I will be the cause of a problem with the baby, yet equally this feels like the way I need to heal.

Thank you.

I think you should have counselling to talk through your feelings. Or else you might still be sad even if you get pregnant again.

Thank you. I've spent the evening trying to contact private counsellors. The MSI counselling sessions are few and far between it feels like, and I had one good session and one useless session (different counsellors) with them so far.

One thing the counsellor said is that it could be that a new baby could be something positive to come out of this dark time, but obviously I need to know for myself that I'm sure and I don't trust my decision making anymore. In any other reality I'm sure I'd have kept that pregnancy, yet I didn't. Still feeling very tearful this evening.

For what it’s worth I think you’re doing the right thing taking some time to think things through and be sure.

People telling you to go for it and that it’ll be the healing you need don’t know that at all. And your healing and happiness might not be their only motive.

Maybe you’ll decide having another is the only way you’ll be happy again, and that’s fine.

Maybe you’ll come to the conclusion that although it’s been a horrific experience for you it was ultimately the right decision, and you won’t have another. And that’s fine.

I’d just really encourage you to keep exploring your feelings and get back to trusting yourself and your decisions before you make any big ones like this.

I could have written this myself. I had a medical termination yesterday even though deep down I wanted the baby, but I was scared and thought I was doing the right thing by the two kids I already have. I’ve hardly stopped crying since then. How did I ever think this was the solution. The things that seemed like such hurdles just seem insignificant now and I don’t know how to live with the choice I made. I’m 39 so I think this was my last chance, and I just threw it away. Sorry you’re in this shitty boat too. It’s the biggest mistake of my life.

God I feel so terrible still. I've never felt a devastation like it.
I'm so scared to get pregnant again in case I still won't be happy.
This has ruined me.

Hang in there @Foolish33

I’m sure I had already commented on this thread but doesn’t look I have - anyway I had a termination last June and i felt pretty horrendous for a couple of months. Obsessed with when I’d get pregnant again and wondering if it’d be wise to do so. Googling all sorts, feeling regret about my actions and like an awful person.

10 months later and I feel totally different. Still pangs of sadness about what I did but as time has passed and life has developed my decision has made more sense to me.

we are hoping to TTC from my next cycle - we had always planned to TTC around now but when it happened last summer that was not the right time for us for many reasons which are now resolved.

please take the time you need to heal emotionally. Take some time for you and doing things you enjoy, easier said than done when you feel like shit I know but it really will help x

I found this page and also the ones it links to, really helpful:

https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-abortion-healing-unspoken-loss/

How are you feeling, would love to hear of other women how decided they do want to have. A baby and went on with a new pregnancy, I’m in the same boat and need some guidance

How isit going? Im going threw this and dont no what to do did you get pregnant again

reading your posts feels like my life right now
rushed and made the worst choice of my life i wish i could go back but i cant
i think there should be more awareness of the the impact before you get pills in the post the next day pregnancy hormones make a huge difference its something i never thought i would do !!
i didnt even give my self time to think everything just felt like the walls where closing in when i got a positive pregnancy test
now all the things that felt like they were huge problem feel like nothing
going to be 39 in 2 days i feel like that was my last chance

cant believe i did this to myself
i already have 2 children and felt complete until i had a medical abortion now i wish i was still pregnant i feel empty
i Never thought i would feel like this

Your 1000 percent right there should be more awareness but you have to think even though now it seems like the reasons why you made this decision are irrelevant you will have days where you think yeah i did the right thing this was me 5 weeks ago at the time i felt empty as the weeks have gone on it has got easier the reasons i had to make that decision are still valid and i have to remember that even though its the most regretted thing I’ve ever done and obviously your emotions/ hormones are all over the place right now honestly it does get easier i still have the what if and buts but its done now and there’s nothing i can do or say to bring that baby back remember were not bad people we just made a bad decision what we thought was right at the time 💜

This is a very similar store to mine. I had a medical abortion at 6 weeks exactly one year ago. I immediately felt regret as I had been very back and forth on my decision but didn't want to allow the pregnant to progress any further. I still feel regret and my husband and I have been ttc again for 11 cycles with no luck. Like someone else said who is in their later thirties I feel like that was my last chance but what in the world was a thinking termination a pregnancy at "that age" (36 at the time and now 37). I can't help but think I am not getting pregnant now because I am being punished 😞

@MamaofoneinUSA please don't think like that. You are not being punished. You don't have to follow a religion but pray to God. Know he's listening to you and not punishing you. I really prayed (spoke and begged) God to make me pregnant after I was soo depressed after my abortion. It will happen stay positive but it will happen when the time is right. I hope you're okay.

For anyone else wanting to get pregnant again. I did! 3 months later or maybe 4.

I initially terminated because of really bad hg. I wasn't ready. But when I got pregnant again and hg was bad I wanted to terminate and I knew why I terminated. The difference was I didn't pick up and ring a clinic this time. I just kept going through week by week and asking for lots of support online on here on Facebook everywhere. I was more prepared. I didn't care about money and spent alot of money on takeaways because that's the only thing that could help me not vomit. I couldn't eat anything else. It was hard but worth it and upto a certain point vomiting became less. Pregnancy hormones are horrible and honestly you need a lot of support from midwives etc.

It was safe for me to get pregnant and I've heard other womens experiences too. Although scared about being pregnant, I love the little baby girl now. I do miss my terminated baby. That grief lightens but never goes away ♥️

I just had a termination 2 days back . I got 2 children and just thought I will never be able to handle a 3rd child. I have no family or support here. My husband works long hours and dont contribute much to the kids because of the nature of his job. I am a stay at home mum. I have now really regretted my decision and feel like I should try again but I feel God is going to punish me with an unhealthy child or something. But this has made me appreciate my 2 kids even more and not take everything around me for granted. I am in the same boat as you are and I know what you are going through because I feel exactly the same.

@Regretttt I felt exactly the same. My 3rd is now here and 6 months old. You won't be punished. God doesn't punish. He understands. I prayed and said bring me all the pain in pregnancy I'm willing to go through all the sickness but give me another child....it was tough at the beginning but not as bad as the pregnancy where I terminated (I terminated due to HG).

That’s lovely to hear, what was it like when you found out you was pregnant again, did you feel the same panic as you did with the termination

@Kim2323 I feel exactly like you. I felt complete with my 2 children then an unexpected pregnancy and I terminated it. Now I feel my family is incomplete. It's such a mess..although I have accepted what I did and why I did it but I still can't let go of wanting another one

Im so sorry your feeling like this it was the worst pain like you shouldnt be allowed to grieve a loss but my heart was hurting
the pain does get easier with time i still think about it all the time
i would be open to have another now if given a second chance
something i never thought i would be saying before the abortion it has changed me and my outlook on my life
i took a step back and addressed the reasons why i felt that way i did about the pregnancy when i should have be happy
i have been making some changes in my life and a lot with myself
look at the reason why you made the choice they were valid and your feelings
Were valid try not to be so hard on yourself
Only you walk in your shoes and if you want another baby that is entirely your choice and nobody elses
just give yourself time to grieve and process your feelings and make sure its right for you
dont worry about anyone else's opinion or judgment ❤

It’s been nearly a year since I took the pills and it does get easier it was the worst mistake and I fell deeply in anxiety my mental health was something I wish I never experience ever again I’ve been on sertraline ever since, but since my mental breakdown I found myself again I still think of it when I get a moment to my self I have worked and pushed myself to be where I wanted to be before deciding having a 3rd child, I’m ina state of acceptance now but it was the hardest time of my life and if I kept the baby I know I wouldn’t of felt that way,in hindsight I would of got over the shock and panic and enjoyed pregnancy and another baby

@Makeitrightqqq do you plan to have a 3rd now?

I do some point in the future but the thought of finding out I’m pregnant again sort of haunts me in a sense of what if I feel the same way I did last year

Happy for you, seen alot of your post when I was going through it last march x

@heartbroken22

@Makeitrightqqq yeah i did but I just stayed quiet and when I said what shall I do to my husband every few days I just wanted support and he said have patience. I never told anyone I was pregnant for the weeks I was extremely sick. I just kept saying this is the thick of it it will get better! Till I met my midwife...it was so comforting speaking to a human who was loving and empathetic. It did get better and I kept saying now just get to 12 weeks the man 14 then 16 then 18 and soon it was my last trimester. You do have worries what will happen and what won't happen but I look back now and think why was I so worried. You just learn to cope, my kids have more screen time for now but this won't always be the case once they get more independent, my eldest takes turns to play with each sibling if they're crying and I need to make a snack or milk. Foodwise we will have easy dinners like egg sandwiches or basic pasta with sauce and cheese. We eat leftovers and that's okay before we wouldn't. Things will get better but these days will be missed because we have so much fun. I didn't pick up the phone this time for the termination clinic and that was the difference. I don't think I could do that again. Things have become blurry and I don't cry about it like I used to, I understand why it was done and it was my mistake. But it's okay. We're only human after all.