I'm 19 and pregnant and not sure what to do

[candyhaws]

Hey I found out this weekend I am pregnant and I have no clue what to do. I just feel sick at the thought of having an abortion and what happens to the baby and I just keep imagining it and I feel like I should be protecting it but idk. I just don't know and I never thought this would happen. I was on the pill but I think I may have missed some and I didn't think missing the odd pill was a big deal. But I feel almost like maybe everything happens for a reason and that maybe this is what I want but I don't know if this is stupid and my mum says that this is "pretentious nonsense." I know I definitely want to be a mum someday and I don't know when that will be and maybe I won't get another chance and I'll regret it. And I think if I got an abortion I'd always think about what could have happened and I would regret it but idk. But I am 19 and probably not ready and my mum says she thinks I am immature and naive and that I have no idea what it will be like and I don't know if I am being stupid or not. And I am scared that I will have no social life or anything and I will just be a mum and nothing else. I am in uni and not sure if I would be able to finish, I am just about to finish first year this year. And I have no job and I am a student. And my bf says that he doesn't want to be a dad and he says he's not ready and doesn't think I am either and he says he just wants to be young and not have to worry about this. And he says that if I have the baby he's not sure he would want to continue the relationship and he's not sure he wants to be a proper dad and doesn't want to make any commitments. He says he will try to help but he doesn't want to be a proper dad even though I know he could be really great. And he was like he says he thinks I could probably make it work and be a good mum but he was like "is that really what you want to do?" and he said it in quite a patronizing voice which pissed me off. And he keeps telling me to stop texting him about it as it is annoying and he is revising and its like he's so emotionally distant and just doesn't really care. I am not sure if he is being a jerk or if I am just being dumb. I just want to know what it will be like and if there are any young mums what was it like and how did you cope with it all and just want general advice on it?

I got £551/month at home, op is a student. Students get lots of help.

If you were my daughter, I'd be hoping you terminate the pregnancy. Having a baby now will impact your education, your income and your social life. Are you ready to be struggling for money for the next 18 years? Are you ready to give up on the hopes of having a career until you are at least 30? No travelling. No nights out with friends. Certainly no current boyfriend, as he's not going to stick around.

If you do it, you are braver than me. I would not have given up my 20s to have a baby

Yeah I would definitely be encouraging you to terminate if you were my DD too. Children are often intense and doing it by yourself is not easy. I would worry that you end up dropping out and not going back to study immediately. There are loads of threads on here by single parents, I would read through to help you get a picture of what its like doing it by yourself.

How many years ago was that though? You would of been of a totally different system. The gas and electric alone are now huge bills.

This was in 2018-2019. It hasn't changed, it's the same

Students who have kids get it just fine. Like I said, universal credit, subsidised childcare, max loan and grants. If you're living at home too, you will not be suffering financially - it's simply not true. It's nonsense. I can't speak for those who are in work and have a baby at 19, im talking about students here

I had a termination when I was in your shoes many years ago.
I was 1st year uni student.
I wanted to finish my uni course
I had no income
I had no decent living space
I wasn't ready,
The boyfriend disappeared.
It was the correct solution for me. I finished my degree, I set up a business, I did several years working in the Alps
I met my DH, had a family.

It's weird because Gingerbread, who you'd think would know, agree that single parenthood increases your chances of living in poverty very significantly. www.gingerbread.org.uk/policy-campaigns/living-standards-and-poverty/

I know you're arguing for students but you aren't a student forever and children are forever.

@candyhaws you disappeared. Hope you are ok & have come to the best decision for you