I regret my abortion

[Regret2022]

I’m not sure why I’m posting here an what I’m hoping to achieve but here I am anyway.

I had a medial abortion at 8 weeks, I had the first pill last Tuesday the 8th and the four other pills in the Thursday. Now I ak absolutely overwhelmed with regret, sadness and anger. I would do literally anything to go back in time and stop myself from doing it.

I am 32 and have a nearly 3 year old. I had always wanted another one but his dad was dead set against it. After talking about it again last October I finally got my head around not having another. However, it seems a pill mishap over Xmas ended up in pregnancy and I found out at the start of Feb. When I told my partner we spoke about it and he reasoned that abortion was the best idea, for lots of reasons that seemed important at the time. I feel like I kind of just got swept along by the idea and agreed. I focused completely on the fact I was going to have an abortion and didn’t take proper time to consider my options. I just thought if I could get through to the appointment at the clinic 10 days later it would all be fine and I would be ok afterwards. I wish I had read threads like this before I went as I wouldn’t maybe have reconsidered. I think I was ok until I was scanned but by that point I felt too far in to change my mind. I don’t know why. I’m just devastated. I can’t stop crying. I’ve told my partner I regret it, told him how I don’t think we thought it through, just focused on the negatives, but while he is trying to be supportive he doesn’t feel the same. I feel like I’ve ruined my one last hope at every having another baby and I just can’t comprehend how I made that decision when I had always wanted another.

I’ve spent most of the day on bed reading threads on failed abortions and holding out some ridiculous hope that this could be me.

Sorry for the long post, again, not sure what I’m looking for here but don’t know what else to do

I'm so sorry, be not sure why nobody has answered. Anger is something I also felt and still feel, I think. Snd all the other emotions.

Unfortunately your only solution is to learn to live with it. I do hope you get to have another baby. I'm so very sorry 💐

I meant I'm so sorry and I'm not sure why nobody has answered

Hello ladies
I have a very similar situation. I am 40, have 2 kids already, surprise pregnancy in Dec, found out in Jan. I felt so bad fysically, mentally, could not eat nor sleep, just worry and fear 24/7. I stopped being myself. We could have afforded a 3rd child but could not stop worry mainly because my age which now feels stupid. Husband was supportive but inclined for the abortion. I took all the steps for the abortion just somehow waiting for a sign that never came. I just wanted to feel good and myself again. I had a surgical abortion with GA (I live in another country) and the minute after it happend i felt calm for a second and then regret. I have cried everyday since then, again husband is supportive but he can’t know what it is for me, he moved on.
It is getting better but still I believe I will be heart broken for life.
I didn’t expect this also because I have had already an abortion when I was in my 20s. Then there was no feeling bad, no regret, nothing. I never looked back ag what happened. But know it seems impossible to move forward.
Hope you are already feeling better 🌷

Also, I missed to mention that I find a lot of comfort reading stories of other people in similar situations. I haven’t really opened up to other people than my husband, feels very hard to explain all these feelings. Thank you for sharing your story @Regret2022 hope it helped you too to put things in writing, hope it helps me to to share things here

I’m just going through the threads on here. Wrote a long reply on another one so I’ll keep it short. Just wanted to say it’s helped me to as I thought I was the only one going through this. I had two abortions and don’t think I’ll ever get over it . I think it will take a lot of counselling and help for me because a few weeks ago I actually felt suicidal. I hope you both start to feel better soon x

Hi how are you now regret2022? Can i DM you? X

Hello lovely ladies,
@Lornahere your story could almost be mine… I have 2 children and am 39. I too had a termination aged 18 (absolutely 100% the right decision and only felt relief, never cried a tear). And now just had my second termination 2 weeks ago and i could cry forever….. it takes a split second for the hugest of tears to come to my eyes whenever i think about what i have done…. It was the most difficult decision i’ve ever made and the emotion is just so deep…
Sending love to every wonderful woman on here. Xx

I’m sat here crying now and it’s been 5 years ago. Had a few good days last week then just suddenly crashed again . If I didn’t have my 2 children I’d just kill myself . Life just feels totally pointless now . Knowing the rest of my life is just going to be full of regret and pain .

Ladies there is help out there for women suffering from abortion regret - Councelling and therapy. Have a Google and see what diy can find. Many of the places that offer this are Christian. You don’t have to be a Christian to use them.

@NrlySp thank you for your post
@Threebutterflies you are not alone. Ww have to carry on with life and that distracts us, but the emotion is still there underneath and often when i’m on my own is when it comes up… i am putting all my focus on my two children as well as apart from this forum they are the only thing that makes me feel better. Sending so much love your way xx

It's okay to grieve and I know exactly how you feel. But at the moment when we think about terminating you're in a different state of mind. You have you're reasons. Once it's over...I guilted myself for not being stronger...but that's not true... I was strong...please forgive yourself and trust what you did as doing the right thing at the right time...

@imsoscared2022
Hi I was following your other thread . When did you have the abortion? Has the sickness gone now ? I hate myself for not being stronger. But like you say it’s learning to forgive ourselves. I hope your feeling ok now x

I took the first pill at 2pm yesterday and the second I inserted at 5.30pm today. I've been sleeping but think I've been bleeding. I'll have to go check. Vomiting hasn't gone away yet. I hope it goes soon...I've been taken anti sickness pills but if I'm going to throw up I'll throw up...I think it's one of the side effects of the pills x

Ahh right ok . Hopefully the sickness will stop pretty soon then . I think it’s pretty much as soon as you pass the pregnancy. Although your hormones will probably be all over the place for a while . My abortions were 5 and 10 years ago so can’t remember exactly and I want to block it all out tbh . But I hope it all goes smoothly for you and you feel better soon x

@Threebutterflies thank you. You must have had your reasons. I hope I remember myself lying in bed not being able to function or be there for my kids if I do think what if. It's all part of healing x

Hi I can't beleive how many of these stories are identical to mine! Mine was 2 years ago , I'd got pregnant straight away after dd, when the time comes around again I am reminded of it and I get so sad I lay in bed where I went though with the tablets and I even contacted the clinic to ask for scan pics and notes and I check all that over ans makes me feel closer that I'm remembering it , I felt so sick and couldn't look afyft dd and I just couldn't cope and partner said no , and now I'm too old for another I feel and I'd have struggled to cope with two babies but it doesn't stop me being sad ❤️ I hope you can find some peace , maybe plant a tree in the garden or write a diary of how u feel each day x

Oh yes I can’t imagine having hg . I had very very bad morning sickness that was practically all day for about 5 months in my other pregnancies but not to the extent of hospital treatment. So I fully understand why a women would terminate because of it. I hope you never feel bad or guilty about your decision. X

My counsellor suggested writing a journal to get all the feelings out , even if you burn it after . I spent a couple of hours crying earlier and she said it’s all the grieving process. I’d love to have another baby now but I’m single now and to old so I think it’s coming to terms with it all. It will probably take me a long time to deal with what happened but I have to try for my kids sake x

Hi long post alert.

I had an abortion 5th jan 2022 surgical, an now the grieve is getting worse the baby would have being due in 3weeks and I can’t help but feel sick to think of what I done I’m devastated, I’m in a loving relationship with 2 kids an at the time I was panicking because my last child was only 14months when had abortion an we as a couple just thought it wasn’t the time to expand we were only getting on our feet with work and money etc we live in a very small apt there were we have no room even for the children to share a room it’s that small, but at time we felt it was right time I also had ptsd from my previous babies birth which was horrific but now I really regret that abortion so much that I really wanna have another baby even though the reasons we had the abortion is still the same I feel empty im
just sad I don’t have anyone to talk to only me an my partner know about it I feel like I could scream il never forget that day there is times I think we made the right decision bcoz I wanted to enjoy my baby at the time but more times of regret if I could turn back time I would.

Hi I stumbled on your post and I just want to say that I’m dealing with the exact same thing. I’m 21 and this was my first pregnancy. At the time I couldn’t see any other option besides getting an abortion. It seemed as though I had no other options and that I would be fine after it had happened but I was so wrong. Here I am 3 months post procedure filled with regret. Some days I’m okay and other days it’s like it happened yesterday. The regret is so intense it also makes me wish I could wake up on the day I found out and Change what I did… but I can’t . You are not alone in this. We thought we were doing the right thing at the time and we have to push forward. This is such a hard thing to go through and I can’t believe it isn’t talked about more. I pray that your heart is healed from this. Pm me if you ever need someone to talk to about this 😕

My heart goes out to you all.

Trigger warning in case you don’t want to read about an imminent termination decision. I’m on the cusp of this decision now and have no children.
I of course want the baby but there are health risks to me (I’m 52) and my partner is badly verbally and emotionally abusive-this has all increased since the pregnancy. We now don’t live together but he antagonises me and plays mind games-it’s torture.
He won’t give any answers as to his involvement but he’s the legal father and I know he will be involved on his terms and will make my life a misery.I also have no one to support me through the pregnancy or afterwards and have been told I may become seriously unwell.
From what I know he will play on a child’s feelings keeping secrets from mummy and indulge them with gifts etc, seemingly the doting father, but be inconsistent, unstable and derogatory towards me.
I won’t manage without working so I will rely on him financially initially.
I can’t see a way out. I’m writing for feedback but also to show that sometimes the fears before a termination are very real. Whatever you were feeling before your termination was the reality, not the hindsight that you have now. I wish you all healing and compassion.

Oh Umbrella, your story is so sad, my heart is hurting for you. I don't know how long you've been with this man, but it sounds like he is not good for you and does not know what love is. I understand feeling trapped with someone when finances are an issue, but maybe there is a way out. You can look on this website optionline.org/ to try to start getting help. Maybe there is some kind of temporary housing where you can have your baby and hide from your partner, maybe start to break away from him. There is help with childcare and other resources if you qualify. No wanted baby should be aborted because of pressure from someone else. At your age you have a very high chance of miscarriage but there's always a chance you will carry to term. I hope you will be able to find help and discover some peace in your life. Take care, dear.

I have my own flat but there is a mortgage…..it is cheaper than renting though. My physical safety is not my concern but how I will manage practically, emotionally, financially. Who will help me to shower and feed my baby after a cesarean for example? These are the sorts of concerns that stick in mind. At my age I don’t have family of my own as I was j only child. I have friends but they also have families….lives…

we’ve been together 10 years but it was the pregnancy that started the abuse.

I’m sure others had different but very pressing worries. They may seem like the have solutions afterwards that weren’t there at the time.