Just had this conversation with a (male) GP

[Wildpersilla]

I am in tears but don’t know if my tears are justified

Me: I would like an abortion. I already have 3 DC under 6 and I am overwhelmed. I don’t want my husband to know because he will put me under pressure to keep it.

GP: I’m afraid that’s just not something I know about. What are you hoping to get from this appointment?

Silence

Me: I would like to have a surgical abortion and I assumed you would know the different routes I could take

GP: well there is private and NHS. It’s really not my area though.

Silence

GP: I would encourage you to open up to your husband

Me: crying

GP:( backtracking) - I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry this is just not something I’ve had experience of.

Me: but this is my choice

OMG, that’s disgusting. He should have found out the info you need, not just left it like that.
Hopefully someone will be along with practical help for you 💐

…Sorry pressed send to early

GP: yes of course it’s your choice but I just thought anyone should speak to their partner before they make a decision like this

Silence and me crying

GP: I can refer you to an obstetrician if you want?

Oh Op I’m so sorry. First thing is to make another appointment with a different GP. It may be he is refusing to help you on religious grounds? When I sought a termination many years ago my GP said she wouldn’t refer me on religious grounds, but set up an appointment with another doctor to do so.

How helpful of him.

How did the appointment end, did he give you advice on where to go?
If not, call BPAS or Marie Stopes and they can give you the options, as well as counselling if you want it. There’s no need to speak to your GP about it again.

I don’t know if I feel shamed really easily and it’s my issue or it’s just a shaming conversation.

The last time I was pregnant I also felt shamed by a male doctor. I’d told him I didn’t want another baby (when I already had two) and for pregnant with my third. I told him and he said “”for goodness sake why did you go and do that?”

Is this just SOME male doctors or am I just over sensitive

This is rubbish and you should complain. It is already so difficult to deal with that situation.
The GP could have asked one of his colleagues for advice if teally he has no idea.
I think there is something like a cool off period though. Like you need two appointments withon a few days of each others to make sure you are making the right decision. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding about that.
You do what you have to do, dont worry about what they might think.

That’s terrible! He can’t just say he doesn’t know how to advise you. And suggesting you open up to your husband is at best patronising, and could be dangerous advice for a woman with an abusive husband.

You can ask to see another GP, or go to a clinic like BPAS. You could also make a complaint to the practice manager if you feel up to it.

Omg that's horrible! No advice as when I had to get one I was very emotional so it was very hazy and I can remember about the initial appt was the (female) GP snapping "look do you want to keep it or not" while I bawled (was young, scared, no family in this country). So no advice just solidarity

Marie Stopes website could be a good starting point, they should be able to help you find the nearest place to you I think:
www.msichoices.org.uk/
or call them 0345 300 8090

You shouldn't feel ashamed and should make an appointment to speak with another GP asap.

You and your husband do need to sort out your contraception tho.

Sorry to hear about your experience. i would definitely complain about the GP... he should have provided you with the necessary information and been non judgemental. Clearly needs more training.

in the mean time link up and contact BPAS. I found them amazing with non judgemental advice.

I think there is something like a cool off period though. Like you need two appointments withon a few days of each others to make sure you are making the right decision.

I don’t think there is in the UK.

OP, I would honestly just bypass the GP. You don’t need them to refer you, you can call BPAS or Marie Stopes and ask for counselling and advice.

I'm so sorry

Practically speaking BPAS or Marie stopes. They're both amazing. Will offer support both emotionally and practically.

Then when you've got that in place make a complaint to the practice manager. Totally unacceptable and possibly dangerous advice from a gp.

All your GP needed to do is step out of the room and get you the referral information you needed. He was bad at his job.

Oh OP I’m so sorry that your appointment went like this, it already must have been difficult to make the appointment (and actually get one) in the first place. I hope the advice on this thread for BPAS etc. is helpful for you x

He sounds like a tactless knob. Marie Stopes or BPAS will be much better, I promise.

@BirdsBirdsBird

Marie Stopes website could be a good starting point, they should be able to help you find the nearest place to you I think: www.msichoices.org.uk/ or call them 0345 300 8090

Yes, he was absolutely atrocious, and maybe when you’re in a better place you could complain.

Please phone the number, they’ll take some details and confirm if they cover your postcode, it’s all paid by the NHS (assuming you’re in England?). If they don’t, they’ll give you the phone number of the provider who does cover your area.

I agreeB

Please complain when you get a chance OP, that man is a danger to women. What a fucking colossal asshole, I am furious on your behalf.

Sorry that you're going through this

I'm so sorry he made you feel like that. Perhaps he was confused as to why you made the appointment or perhaps, of course, he was being an arse.
I suggested the former because I never thought to approach a GP for an abortion. I see why you thought it would be a logical port of call though

That is horrific the way he treated you and not professional at all. You are an individual person and he should have treated you and given you the information and help you needed there and then. I know it is awful when you are frozen and shocked and the doctor makes you feel like you cannot speak. My male doctor has done this to me over hrt and I went to the wellwomanclinic and dealt with lovely women who understood and am starting hrt in few weeks. Ask to speak to another doctor or to a female doctor and I would make a complaint about him as we are not back in the 1960's where women could not assess services. It is him that is the issue as so many doctors have this arrogance and try to make us feel stupid. Now I will stand up for myself but I find it so hard. Plenty of good advice on here and I hope you get everything sorted out and try not to worry as you have to do what is best for you.

Perhaps the GP has a conscientious objection and hasn't had to handle it before so hasn't rehearsed what to say so not well-handled? This can be an emotive subject.

@Zilla1

Perhaps the GP has a conscientious objection and hasn't had to handle it before so hasn't rehearsed what to say so not well-handled? This can be an emotive subject.

If a doctor has an objection to abortions then as a professional they should fucking well know how to handle it by the time they graduate, same as objections to smoking or eating badly or whatever. There is ZERO excuse for this behaviour. None at all - as their manager should tell them in no uncertain terms.

Telling a woman to go home and tell her husband is appalling. It could be genuinely dangerous, someone could do that and open themselves to abuse, or go home and try something stupid in desperation.

Perhaps he is affected by his religious beliefs - other wise how could one explain his attitude and anyway to say ''I don't know'' is a terrible answer. Are you sure he was a doctor? How old was he? Was he having a mental break down? I think you should really complain asap.

That seems really strange - why wouldn’t someone go to their GP as a first port of call? It sounds like he didn’t know what to do? So sorry you’ve been through that OP