Just had this conversation with a (male) GP

[Wildpersilla]

I am in tears but don’t know if my tears are justified

Me: I would like an abortion. I already have 3 DC under 6 and I am overwhelmed. I don’t want my husband to know because he will put me under pressure to keep it.

GP: I’m afraid that’s just not something I know about. What are you hoping to get from this appointment?

Silence

Me: I would like to have a surgical abortion and I assumed you would know the different routes I could take

GP: well there is private and NHS. It’s really not my area though.

Silence

GP: I would encourage you to open up to your husband

Me: crying

GP:( backtracking) - I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry this is just not something I’ve had experience of.

Me: but this is my choice

That's not good enough. He should have called in someone who was capable of being a doctor. I would make a complaint to the practice manager but I doubt it will go anywhere because despite all the foot dragging, he did eventually offer a referral to a consultant. I don't know what he should have done under the nice guidelines though... But with no digital record of the conversation you will both agree the referral was made and so you were technically, in an emotionally useless and quietly manipulative way, helped.

I think perhaps he took your disclosure about your dh's feelings as a sign of hesitancy. Not that he should have.

There is a world of difference between a possible explanation and making an excuse. Equating issues of conscience like abortion tend to be harder to handle than smoking or eating badly, despite what you might think.

I'm guessing you aren't in the U.K. Here the practice nurse can refer you, you certainly don't need to see an obstetrician

@Zilla1

At my surgery (in the U.K.) it says in the practice leaflet and online which gps and practice nurses can offer abortion referrals

And it won't take a genius to realise issues of conscience could be baked in by medical school. Infertility caused two colleagues to change their beliefs about abortion mid-career. Perhaps they should have used their crystal ball to predict their problems. One colleague fundamentally changed their religious beliefs.

@gogohm ours too though not the one where I am a patient though I suspect they'd try to allocate the appointment appropriately.

I'm so sorry he has been so unhelpful. Call your surgery back and ask to speak to a Gp that specialises in womens health / pregnancy. Marie Stopes is also a good point of contact.
May also be worth giving your birth control some thought if this is the second time this has happened. I don't say that in judgement but having to go through upset like this twice must be really sad and hard, sending love x

I actually don't believe he has no experience...first day on the job?

Sorry you were treated like this.

I'm sorry you went though this OP. I hope whoever you speak to next is more helpful.
It's really not good enough that we're asked to go through GPs for the majority of things like this imo.
I asked a male GP about contraception issues I was having. The doctor looked at me like he was ready to jump out of the window just to end the conversation. He told me to go to the front desk and make an appointment with a woman. He said he had no idea and couldn't help me.

Left I can see it would be the obvious choice.
For anyone else reading, you can Google 'termination (or abortion)' and the name of your town then your local provider will automatically come up. It will be Bpas or Marie stopes. They are so, so lovely from start to finish and you can even opt not to have the info shared with your GP/medical records. Legally of course you need two doctors to sign off the termination but you don't even see them. It's just part of the admin process during the procedure which is taken care of for you behind the scenes.

That sounds awful but could be have been confused and thought you needed counselling on the fact you wanted an abortion and your husband would want to keep it. However he then didn’t answer the question.

I think some doctors sadly bring their personal beliefs to work.

This is dire and I would complain OP. I'm so sorry this happened. I had similar from a horrible, cruel older male GP when I was in this position 15 years ago. I took a deep breath and explained I was pregnant and wanted an abortion. He looked at me wih absolute contempt in silence until I felt deeply uncomfortable, then sighed and said I'd need to call his receptionist in two weeks to make the arrangements. I got home twice as scared and went through BPAS instead who were nothing but lovely.
Hugs to you, I'm sorry again you've had this happen x

Were they young? It's February. Changeover day for GP trainees was only Wednesday last week. If this is their first attachment to a practice, they may well not know what to do. But their practice should bloody well have made sure they know who/how to ask if they're struggling.

This is really poor. I am a doctor (not a GP) and this sort of thing, including our right to conscientiously object, should be covered in medical school and certainly in GP training. It's it possible he was either an F2 doctor/GP trainee? I must say I don't know what our local referral pathway is for termination (because I never need it in my specialty) but if someone asked it would take two minutes for me to find out and answer their questions in a sympathetic way! If he did object, he should say so, but also be aware that he has to refer you to someone else - in my experience doctors who do this are very aware of their responsibility and who to pass patients on to.

If you feel able, I would feed back to the practice manager - if he was a trainee then this is an important educational need, and if he is a qualified GP then he should be better aware of local pathways.

Sorry you were treated like this.

Could he have been a trainee GP ?

I know you have other things on your mind, but I think this is serious enough to warrant a complaint to the practice manager.

To be fair to those GPs who have a religious objection to abortion, of those I know, they seem to have thought through how to handle such a request - this man was waaaayyy out of this depth.

A female GP told me she was reluctant to give me the morning after pill as she was Catholic. She did give me the prescription. Good luck.

@EmmaH2022 I agree though suspect he might have misguidedly meant well and that saying he had no experience would be kinder than saying he disagrees on principle and thinks it's wrong. Wouldn't need to say either so badly handled but wonder whether a matter of conscience is a possible explanation. Have seen 'trainee' GPs of both sexes, mostly for religious reasons, say they disagree on principle and think abortion is wrong in stronger language to patients. Have also heard the same when women have come in for oral contraception based on a belief that contraception equals abortion after a particular view of gamete fusion and contraception stopping implantation of a 'viable' entity. Had to step in then have reception triage patients for abortion consults and confirm contraceptives would be offered subject to the patients' medical history.

He's entitled not to advise someone on abortion if it opposes his beliefs, but there are processes in place for passing the patient on to another GP who does not object. He can't just leave a patient guessing or feign ignorance.

Sounds like he was utterly clueless in many ways, including safeguarding. The patient may have good reason not to want to disclose the pregnancy to her husband and anyway, the autonomy here is hers. He could have found out the process for abortion referral quite easily rather sitting there with his gob hanging open. I would be making s complaint. I don't go around suggesting this all the time trying to make people's lives difficult, I just think he is in urgent need of support and training.

@Zilla1 nothing about that was misguided or well meaning

The important thing, of course, is that OP gets access to what she needs now

@Yousexybugger

He's entitled not to advise someone on abortion if it opposes his beliefs, but there are processes in place for passing the patient on to another GP who does not object. He can't just leave a patient guessing or feign ignorance.

Sounds like he was utterly clueless in many ways, including safeguarding. The patient may have good reason not to want to disclose the pregnancy to her husband and anyway, the autonomy here is hers. He could have found out the process for abortion referral quite easily rather sitting there with his gob hanging open. I would be making s complaint. I don't go around suggesting this all the time trying to make people's lives difficult, I just think he is in urgent need of support and training.

Indeed. I bet this isn't the first time he has done this.

Hi op. That's awful, sorry you went through that. Please contact BPAS they will be helpful professional and discrete.

You should be able to have the counselling and procedure on the same day if you need to.

Sorry to hear that OP, I'd contact BPAS, I don't think he's wrong in that GPs aren't often the gateway to abortion services, but he definitely could have communicated it more sensitively.

@Wildpersilla, I'm sorry you had to go through that. He absolutely would have had experience during his training (I'm not sure if trainee doctors can refuse in religious grounds?)
If he did object for that reason he could at least told you why.
His response is inexcusable and I'm furious in your behalf.
Make another appointment with a different doctor.

@EmmaH2022 Didn't say I thought it was, just suspected he might have thought so.

Bloody hell.

I really, really hope this is a trainee who fucked up, rather than a fully trained GP who fucked up. But I'm so sorry about the impact on you.

As other posters said, contact your local provider directly and I hope you get the service you need ASAP. I hope you will feel up to a short letter of complaint at some point - by posting here you've got a record of what happened to base the letter on. I hope the doctor is busy seeing their supervisor and getting clued up on their job.