Just had this conversation with a (male) GP

[Wildpersilla]

I am in tears but don’t know if my tears are justified

Me: I would like an abortion. I already have 3 DC under 6 and I am overwhelmed. I don’t want my husband to know because he will put me under pressure to keep it.

GP: I’m afraid that’s just not something I know about. What are you hoping to get from this appointment?

Silence

Me: I would like to have a surgical abortion and I assumed you would know the different routes I could take

GP: well there is private and NHS. It’s really not my area though.

Silence

GP: I would encourage you to open up to your husband

Me: crying

GP:( backtracking) - I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry this is just not something I’ve had experience of.

Me: but this is my choice

@Sideswiped If he did object for that reason he could at least told you why - Have you thought that patients might feel more judged if a GP tells them why they object. For example, how do you think the patient would feel it is for religious reasons and the patient shares the same religion?

[quote Zilla1]@EmmaH2022 I agree though suspect he might have misguidedly meant well and that saying he had no experience would be kinder than saying he disagrees on principle and thinks it's wrong. Wouldn't need to say either so badly handled but wonder whether a matter of conscience is a possible explanation. Have seen 'trainee' GPs of both sexes, mostly for religious reasons, say they disagree on principle and think abortion is wrong in stronger language to patients. Have also heard the same when women have come in for oral contraception based on a belief that contraception equals abortion after a particular view of gamete fusion and contraception stopping implantation of a 'viable' entity. Had to step in then have reception triage patients for abortion consults and confirm contraceptives would be offered subject to the patients' medical history.[/quote]
The only acceptable thing to say to a patient would be “I’ll need to refer you to my colleague”. No woman needs to know the opinion of a doctor who objects to a legal procedure on religious or any other grounds. Not interested. He should keep his opinions to himself and make absolutely sure he is prepared to deal with any such requests in a neutral and professional manner.

@PinkTonic I couldn't agree more.

What if OP had said her husband would kick the shit out of her if she kept it?

What an absolute twat.

I hope you're OK OP.

I am absolutely livid on your behalf OP. When I had a termination I went to my GP and he arranged it for me sensitively and swiftly. This should not have been your experience.

Others have given you the practical advice you need, but I would also say that if and when you feel up to it, complain to your surgery. This falls far below the standard any woman should expect.

Sending masses of virtual support

My god this man sounds shockingly incompetent. Honestly some doctors (male and female) have no fucking bedside manner at all and they should be held accountable for it.

Don't be ashamed - you have nothing to be ashamed about. Your body, your choice. GP was ridiculous. But that's entirely his problem not yours.

I went to GP, many years ago, to request termination. He told me to go away and think about it. He said if I come.back 24/48 hours later and still felt the same, he would refer me. I didn't think that was unreasonable

You should absolutely call BPAS! I've had great care from them. No second guessing BS. You book your appointment, they tell yy your options and book you in for the termination. It was so smooth and everyone I have spoken to was so professional.

That's ridiculous op. Surely that's part of the job of a GP and if he is opposed to it he should ask you to make an appointment with someone else. Its not 1962 any more. At my GP practice there's a couple of female GPS who are really good with women's issues. There's some info here. It looks like you can self refer
www.nhs.uk/conditions/abortion/

Lots of good advice here op.

I'd gently suggest sorting your contraception out too so you don't have to go through this again.

Urgh. Sorry op. It sounds like this gp is a conscientious objector. If not then they acted incompetently. Either way they should have sent you to someone else. I’ve been refused treatment for a medical abortion gone wrong (treatment which the hospital admitted me for through A&E) because all the doctors on duty were religious objectors. It’s an experience I really struggle with 3 years on. I can’t believe that doctors can refuse to deal with a treatment that is offered on the NHS that’s so imperative for women’s physical and mental health. It’s disgusting actually. In the end the CEO of BPAS personally contacted the ward I was on and sorted it for me. I would recommend them as your 1st port of call.

@DingleyDel

Urgh. Sorry op. It sounds like this gp is a conscientious objector. If not then they acted incompetently. Either way they should have sent you to someone else. I’ve been refused treatment for a medical abortion gone wrong (treatment which the hospital admitted me for through A&E) because all the doctors on duty were religious objectors. It’s an experience I really struggle with 3 years on. I can’t believe that doctors can refuse to deal with a treatment that is offered on the NHS that’s so imperative for women’s physical and mental health. It’s disgusting actually. In the end the CEO of BPAS personally contacted the ward I was on and sorted it for me. I would recommend them as your 1st port of call.

Even if the doctor did conscientiously object, they acted incompetently. They should know how to refer to someone else who can help, not waffle about talking to her husband and referring to an obstetrician!

I'm sorry for your experience, that sounds really rubbish.

I’m sorry you went through that. Every time I’ve been to the GP about a pregnancy they’ve politely worked out whether to congratulate me or offer me something else.