Anyone else about to start a medical termination? Looking for some support 😥

[Smurfsrock]

Found out on Mon that I'm pregnant with no 5. Totally unplanned, contraceptive failure, although we were not being as careful as we should have been I'm not 100% on LMP but think I'm 6-7 weeks. We have always talked about the possibility of having no 5 possibly, which is why DH hasn't had a vasectomy yet, but now it fills me with dread so I've got an appointment to talk to the nurse tomorrow.

I just can't face having another child right now, partly because we're just getting back on track after no 4 (such a full on kid!), I can't face going back to baby stage again, and I feel it's unfair on my other kids as I've spent most of their lives pregnant or with another baby already. And my body is already wrecked by 4 pregnancies. But I just feel terrible. I know i could love another baby, i love having little kids in my home and wanted a big family. And so humiliated I've let this happen . It's such an awful feeling after 4 very much wanted pregnancies which took a lot of effort to create! And my biggest fear is that karma will come back to bite me in some terrible way

Anyway, is there anyone else about to go through this too? I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone IRL I just want it all over now, the waiting is awful and I have horrific morning sickness (for the first time ever!)

HI @ Smurfsrock I had a termination 3 weeks ago so I have already been through the process but am happy to give you my experience to hopefully put you at ease. I was 5 weeks when I found out. I also felt awful - very tender breasts, very tired, feeling very sickly just awful so I just wanted it over and done with. I already have 2 children and didn't want anymore. It was an accident (failed contraception). I called the hospital who gave me an appointment for 2 weeks later which made me just over 7 weeks. They asked me some questions and then got me in for a scan which confirmed i was 7 weeks. AS I was less than 9 weeks they said the only option due to COVID was to have the termination at home so a week later I went to the hospital to have the first tablet which you swallow and then gave me the other 4 tablets to take the next day which you put up vaginally. I just pottered on as normal the first day. Had no symptoms. The next morning I got up at 7 took some painkillers, went back to bed and about 8am inserted the 4 tablets and laid for about half an hour and then got up and got ready. The nurse said try and keep active as it happens quicker so I just pottered on in the house. 2 hours passed before I started bleeding. The bleeding got heavier, didn't really feel any cramping maybe mild as I took the painkillers and took some more as the day went on. By 12 I was bleeding heavier and that's when I started passing some clots. You just feel when you want to go to the toilet and I would just sit on the toilet and a clot would just slip out. This happened 3 or 4 times. I looked in the toilet as I wanted to see if I could see anythign just for peace of mind that it had worked but i couldn't see anything really just lots of blood. Things started to calm down by 2 o clock - still bleeding but no more clots really. Bled heavy for the rest of the day and then the bleeding started to calm down from the next day. The next day I woke up like a new woman. I still had tender breasts for a few days after but I no longer felt sickly, didn't feel tired anymore straight away. I bled lightly for a further week and then it turned to browney colour and every now and then I will have a day of bleeding a little bit. The hospital gave me a pregnancy test to take 3 weks after the termination which I did on Tuesday just gone. They said the pregnancy hormone can remain in your body for a while afterwards so not to do the test any earlier and not to do a shop bought one as it picks up the slightest bit hormone, only take the hospital given one which I did and I got a faint positive line which they said might happen and if it did to ring up so I did. The nurse asked if I bled heavily and I said well i thought so and she said do you still feel pregnant i.e.sore breasts, morning sickness etc and I said No symptoms at all so she said its probably just the hormone still being present in your body and to repeat the test next week and if its still the same to ring up and they will get me in for a scan so that's where I am at at the moment. If you have any further questions I haven't covered please let me know and I will do my best to answer for you. To sum it up I was really terrified and anxious beforehand especially not having any professional support with you but it wasn't half as bad as I thought. what part of the process are you at?

Thanks @blondie678 I've only just started to make the arrangements, have to get bloods and a scan done then have a phone appointment with the clinic next week. I'm struggling mentally with my decision, I know it's right but worried I'll feel differently afterwards. How are you feeling about things now, 3 weeks on? I just can't face going back to putting our lives on hold for another 3 years, we seem to just be coming out of the baby fog where everything is a chore (my youngest is 2). But it feels so selfish to say that. I literally haven't slept more than about 4hrs a night since I found out on Sun so my judgement may not be the best!

No problem @Smurfsrock. Aww bless you. I feel for you. It really is an awful thing to have to do but I tried not to think about it too much and just felt it was the right decision for us as a family. Our house wouldn't be big enough, we would have childcare issues and In addition I am 43 and feel too old to be starting all over again so it wasn't a case of not wanting another baby its because of the circumstances that wouldn't be right so I just kept thinking of that and it got me through. I hope all goes ok with your appointments and please feel free to message if you want any further support or guidance xx

Eek having a wee freak out that my last period was a bit odd and lighter, so maybe I'm 11w rather than 7 😩 not sure if I could go through with it that far on Scan is on Tues so guess I will find out then

Handhold xx

We spoke on my thread I had to go to epu for scans as marie stopes weren't happy with the scan they did. The midwife told me to book the termination and if I went to the appointment willingly I knew that was the right choice if I wasnt sure not to do it. I dont regret my decision but do have days where I think what if... but it just wasnt the right time for us. Please dont do anything unless you're more certain than not xx

@Smurfsrock - Try not to think to much into it. Tues is not too far away and you will then know where you are and will have the time to think about what is right for you. Take care and will be thinking of you on Tuesday. Let me know how you get on. xx

Just writing to offer support. Just going though this myself. I was 6 weeks and took the first tablet on Tuesday. In the middle of the night on Wednesday I started bleeding and passed everything on Thursday without the need to take the second lot of medication. I’m great full that I didn’t have to do that part. I kind of feel numb now. I didn’t want another child as I have 2, but equally feel guilty for not going ahead with the pregnancy. I think either way it I would have struggled mentally x

I'm not going through it but just wanted to send support and a hand hold ♥ xxxxxx

Thanks @Hothead2020 and @022828MAN Having major wobbles today. My SIL has just announced her pregnancy too, which isn't helping!

I've been thinking about DH getting a vasectomy, but I'm not quite ready to make things so permanent yet, which is really throwing me as I do not want to be pregnant! Then I think, well if I want a baby in the future, why not just have this one, but the thought then fills me with dread 🙈 arghhh so confusing!

I just know if by some small miracle the scan shows the baby is dead, I would be incredibly relieved, not sad, which makes me feel so terrible too. 🤯 I've always thought I'd be excited if we accidentally got pregnant again, never would have thought I'd consider termination for anything other than medical reasons 😩

Sorry, having a bit of a brain dump. I don't want to talk to anyone IRL about it as too embarrassed.

I think things will be clearer for you after the scan. It’s a horrible feeling tho. I just wanted someone to make the decision for me because either way causes heart ache. Might help writing all the positives and negatives of keeping the baby down. That help me somewhat. I thought I would feel a sense of relief once it was all over but I don’t feel that at all, just guilt. X

@smurfsrock - just checking in to see how you are doing xx

Thanks for checking in on me @blondie678 💓
I've just taken my first tablet 😩 Nearly thickened out many times, if fact while I was talking to the Dr I sat there thinking I couldn't do it. Just had to keep reminding myself that it gives me more time with the precious children I already have. Still feel awful about it, but also a bit relieved, which also makes me feel bad! 😣 my scan actually showed I was only 4-5weeks along, which was odd given how long I've had symptoms for, so there is a chance the pregnancy wasn't actually normal anyway.

Well, just the big wait now for it all to happen 😥

Hi I’ve change my name for this post. I have received my medication through the post and will take the first tablet today. I am so scared! I have no support at home and I am so worried about doing this! I am 4-5 weeks too. Another child is not an option for me and I feel so unwell with pregnancy symptoms I just want this over with. At the same time I am so scared!!

I'm in a similar situation but will need a surgical procedure. Don't know exactly how medical abortions happen but I hope you're ok, it's a rubbish place to be.

@borntohula it really is!! I hope you are ok!! Have you got one booked?

@Namechangenew have you taken your tablet yet? 🤝 a virtual handheld to get you through!
Sounds like we're in the same place, I just can't face another pregnancy and child right now 😥 good luck with getting started x the mifegyne has been fine so far. I just have to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this.

Hi @borntohula, yup it's shit alright. How far along are you? I don't envy you having to go surgical right up. Although knowing my luck (or karma) this won't work and I'll end up needing one too 😣😩

@Smurfsrock I have just taken the first tablet now! I am so anxious I can’t get calm! I also have four children and I unable to spread myself any further. I know this is the best choice for my family. Thank you so much for your reply! Xx

I don't know exactly but I had come off Nexplanon so my periods weren't back to normal, last time I bled was around the beginning of March. In an ideal world, I'd be super rich and in a stable job, etc. and wouldn't feel like I had to do this. Also will never trust the MAP again.

I imagine there are pros and cons to both options. I hope you have someone IRL to support you going through this.

I don't have one booked, I'm scared but planning on phoning BPAS today.

Well done @Namechangenew ❤ getting started is the hardest part. It's good to hear you say the same things about not being able to spread yourself further, sometimes I think it's just me and it's not a good enough reason! How old is your youngest?

No it’s so hard! This would be number 5 for me too and I genuinely could not cope. My youngest is 2 In a couple of weeks. I am dreading the second part tomorrow! 😭

@Namechangenew well it hasn't exactly been pleasant, and not an experience I want. to repeat 😩 but it wasn't too bad, and it's over

Right, TMI bit so skip if you want to!
I started getting cramps and bleeding about an hour after putting the tablets in. Cramping was mild to moderate for a couple of hours, with bleeding like a heavy period, then worse cramping and bleeding for a couple of hours (I was using maternity pads and needing to change every 2 hours so not too horrific), then back to mild cramping again. Pretty sure I passed the pregnancy, but it would have been easy to miss as only like a pea sized blob. Bleeding is still reasonably heavy. I didnt have any big gushes or anything other than when I stood up after sitting down for a bit.

Do you have any ondansetron? I took some before the tablets and again about 4 hours later when the pain was at its worst as was feeling quite nauseous. Definitely helped. And keep up with the pain meds! I misread mine and only took half the dose 😩 I also got really cold, shivering in 2 jumpers cold, about an hour after I took the tablets, if it happens to you don't worry, it doesn't last too long ❤

Anyway, hope I haven't scared you, it really hasn't been as bad as I expected, you can do it! I don't really feel relieved it's over, just sad that I'm in this situation and having to make a sensible decision rather than one of my heart 😩

Good luck! Everything crossed it goes smoothly for you 🤞🤞🤞

Hope you're ok OP. I've bitten the bullet and requested an appointment so should hear something today. I can't talk to a single person IRL about this except my boyfriend who wishes I wasn't choosing to end the pregnancy.

@Smurfsrock I’m so glad your over the worst! I am taking the next tablets in an hour. How long does the cramping and last? How are you feeling today? Xx

@borntohula I hope you get an appointment soon! I’m the same I haven’t got anyone In RL to talk to about this!