Is anyone ever 100% sure about not continuing on preganancy.

[Layladylay234]

I did 2 tests and they're positive. Pretty sure I'm about 6 weeks gone. I'm 75-80% that I can't continue with the pregnancy but why do I have a nagging doubt at the back of my head. I'm 38, have a 10 year old and a 9 year old step daughter. In a very happy, stable relationship and in a billion times of a better place now than 10 years ago when I became pregnant with my son.

Partner and I are on the same page,he doesn't think it would work at the moment.

Is anyone ever 100% sure or should I listen to those doubts?

I don't think you'd be very human if you where 100% sure. We where very sure we didn't want a baby and went to clinic signed papers and everything then we realised how unhappy we where with what we where doing and now we're so thankful we didn't go through with it. It wasn't until we decided to have the baby we realised how emotional we where. Although this was our first child so I can imagine it being even more difficult if you have children already!

Just have a really big think and don't beat yourself up do what's best for you and I am sure whatever you choose it will best the best choice but I think it will be a very hard decision and may effect your emotionally for a while but that's definitely normal!

I was 80% sure I didn’t want it, it was a gut feeling that this wasn’t right for me. I had doubts as, already having children meant I knew what I would be missing out on and I do absolutely adore babies but I knew I didn’t want or could cope with another child.

It’s very normal to have doubts, I think that’s why the clinics give you a weeks wait time to think it over.

FWIW I felt much more sure about my choice after I’d done it.

Have you anyone you can talk to about it? Thinking out loud can do wonders

Thanks for both your responses. I'm talking to my partner and a few friends about it. Ridiculously, my biggest fear is something happening to me during childbirth and my son being left alone as he would have to go to live with his estranged, abusive father. Please don't tell me its silly, I know the chances of this are very slim but I can't help but think that would be the very worst outcome if I continued on.

@Layladylay234 it's not silly at all.

Well, I'm a wreck so possibly not very helpful.
I felt I was pretty sure I don't want a child, so I booked to go have a termination. I just left bpas because I couldn't.
I was sitting there and it felt wrong. I was reading the booklet about what happens after taking the pill and that you will possibly recognise the shape of what you pass, and I just couldn't do that.
Now I don't know what happen.

@almostcoherent probably because you actually do want to have a baby. It's a hard decision either way but that's what happened to us, and the unknown afterward quickly turned into excitement instead. If you have a part of you that wants to keep the baby do it, no ones ever ready for a baby but as long as you have love and time to give to a child you have everything you need.

@dad2hen my problem is exactly that: time. We already have 3 and I have feel that there is no way in hell I'll be able to give love and attention to yet another child. But I simply couldn't do this either.

Sounds as if you do want to keep it from what you’ve written. I felt exactly the opposite, it was sad and upsetting to go through but I was looking forward to it being over, rather than thinking I can’t do it.

Have BPAS offered any support?

I was 10000% sure about mine. Seriously! I would say if you have any doubts whatsoever then seriously reconsider and think about your options.

@dad2hen your comment about not being human is quite harsh.

OP, I fell pregnant at 23 and 100% knew I did not want to continue the pregnancy. I had no hangups at the time, it was what I needed to do.

This was with my fiancé (now husband). We were both in full time careers and could have made it work but I unequivocally did not want to.

For what its worth, I'm now pregnant with our first child (26) and looking forward to meeting her. So I am not an example of someone who never wanted kids, just did not want a child at that moment.

That being said, you should work out your doubts before you commit either way. Those little niggles now can grow to a massive regret, and it's awful to live your life with regrets.

I think that purely from the perspective of emotional damage limitation, you should think very carefully about this: you know you won't ever look into the face of your child and wish they weren't here, and you don't have a finite amount of love - you have and will have enough love for all your children. However, you also know that if you never get to see the face of your child, that's a forever decision and there will be no changing it - you'll just have to live with it, and given what you said, you definitely risk the most awful regret.

Which is easier? And safer?

Simple question being:

Is your emotional and physical welfare more likely to suffer if you see the face of your child, or you never get to see it?

Tbh that's the question they're supposed to assess at the BPAS. They're only legally allowed to offer you an abortion when two doctors and their counsellors have agreed that seeing your child will cause you significant emotional and or physical harm.

....

Sorry - I'd better add to that as I don't want to come across as on one side or another. I'm just trying to crystallise the options for you, as this is a choice you won't be able to reverse.

You can't depend on the BPAS for support, as they have a vested interest in getting your business. And after an abortion, they don't want to know if you collapse in a heap of regret, PTSD, etc.

So it really is up to you to think through the two scenarios as clearly as you can, and decide which would be best for you and easiest to live with. Imagine your life in the two options, then make a choice.

Ask for some counselling to help you with your decision. I believe whole heartedly in the right to choose. Whatever you decide is right for you.

I would say to you that you are in a big cohort of women who have an abortion- women who are settled and have completed their families for them. Far more women in this group than under age teenage pregnancies.

As I understand it - and this has been the experience in my friendship group - lots of women find the decision hard, but after a decision is made, if they decide to terminate, the emotional pressure lifts and there is no or very little regret. Research shows that the vast majority of women if supported when making the decision do not go on to need counselling later on for example - this is part of why counselling is offered. The internet is full of stories in the tiny % - try and find some people in RL.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/1-in-3-women-have-an-abortion-and-95-dont-regret-it-so-why-arent-we-talking-about-it-10392750.html%3famp

The “face of the child” thing up thread is emotive nonsense. That’s not the test. I also think the BPAS comment is wrong but anyway it’s irrelevant as you could access services through your GP and anyway its unlikely.
Your reasons are good ones but I think every woman has a right to choose whatever her reasons xx good luck with your decision.

Another one 1000% sure, not a single doubt at the time. Went on to have 3 DC ten years later, struggled to conceive which at the time I blamed myself for but now looking back absolutely the right thing for me to do. I wonder if it makes a difference whether we are talking about first or potentially last Pregnancy

The face of the child might seem like nonsense to some, but it's my own experience and feelings, honestly offered, so please have equal respect for that as for anyone's opinion or experience. Nobody can talk fir somebody else here. The OP asked for helping regarding doubts and potential regret.

I was 100% sure. Don't regret it years later as it was the right decision at the time but the emotional recovery was very hard. I grieved a lot even though it was the right choice. Unplanned pregnancy is really crappy thing to go through.