Apologies for putting this here if it's not appropriate - didn't know where else to go.
Please don't flame me - I'm a complete mess. 2 beautiful dds, 8 and 3. Ummed and ahhed about a third for years, had a few drinks one night, literally the ONLY time we weren't carefully it happened. This was in February, eventually made the agonising decision to terminate at 8w as we hadn't really considered financial side (stupid I know). I regretted it immediately, and have been in emotional turmoil for the past 4 months. Exacerbated by complications meaning the procedure had to be repeated. All I could think about was 'undoing' the decision. Dh got a new job last month, changes everything for us. Lo and behold, BFP 2 weeks ago.
I should be delighted, yes? Yet all I can think about is how this will ruin all our lives and upset the balance of our family just when we were starting to get our lives back.
I am fully aware that this is entirely self inflicted, but I'd just like some advice. I have an appointment for a medical termination this morning - it's so early that it really is just a blob, I'm not even 6 weeks, no heartbeat yet, but I'm just so confused. DH is understandably baffled by all this and says if I go ahead with the pills, there will be no more tries ever. Problem is, it has to be today or else I'll still be bleeding when we go on holiday, and I don't want that. I'll be 10 weeks when we get back which will be a very different business.
Feel like a complete failure.