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Pregnancy choices

Feeling very alone

2 replies

Dazedandconfused28 · 23/02/2016 16:59

Hi there, I wonder if anyone can help (excuse the long post) - because I have no one to talk to about this. I am recently married and came off the pill due to recurrent migraines - I then (stupidly) tried to rely on the rythmn method - I am so angry at myself now that I find myself in the early stages of pregnancy. I took a few tests which have come back with a faint positive. My husband and I live in a one bed rented flat, we could not afford for me to give up my job (or his) and my maternity benefits are minimal. My husband would happily 'try to make it work' - but I am the person in the relationship who holds all the responsibility - cleaning, buying food, trying to plan a budget - everything. On top of this my Mum doesn't help - she keeps insisting I delay having children, focus on my job - and I know she would be horribly disappointed. I also want to focus on my career for just another year or two - it would make all the difference to my life and our finances I think. I feel I have no one I can turn to and the weight of this decision is mine alone (as with everything else in our life!) - I have no one to turn to. It is not as though I take this decision lightly and feel an awful guilt about wanting to end this pregnancy. I had booked into Marie Stopes for a medical abortion, but nothing showed up on the ultrasound scan as it is too early - I am booked again next week. The appointment was horrible - the to nurses discussed another patient in front of me, rolling their eyes etc - and I felt so rushed I didn't have the opportunity to discuss any options. I naively thought they would be sympathetic and it would provide me with my first opportunity to talk to someone. I am a rational person - but is there anything I can do before my next appointment (1 week from now) to make this pregnancy unviable? I am desperate. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
PruneCat · 24/02/2016 01:05

I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience, and haven't been able to talk to anyone about it. I am not a medical professional, but I would strongly urge you to not try to make the pregnancy unviable yourself, as you don't want to hurt yourself. If it were me, I would concentrate on my mental and emotional health whilst taking the decision, and leave the medical intervention to professionals should you so decide. Marie Stopes offers a wide variety of counselling options, detailed here:

Good luck, and do remember that you can choose not to go ahead with this particular pregnancy, but go on to have a happy and wonderful pregnancy in the future when you decide it's time.

Thurlow · 25/02/2016 14:56

I'm sorry that your appointment was so rushed, and that you've found yourself in this situation.

I would call Marie Stopes and ask to speak to a counsellor, and also tell them that you felt unsupported and with no chance to talk to anyone. You should be able to have some telephone counselling, at least, to help you talk through your options. On the tiny chance you can't, is your GP friendly?

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do between now and the appointment. But please don't feel guilty. It was an accidental pregnancy, and thousands of women have them every year. And there is nothing wrong either with feeling that you are not in a position at the moment to have a child. Having a child is a huge commitment - it is surely better that you decide to do it when you feel ready, then do it when you don't?

Good luck. Please do call Marie Stopes again. They are normally very good, so please tell them that in this instance they weren't, and you need some support


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