am i wrong not to tell dp ?

[chdmum2491]

that i want an abortion ?!

its not illegal to not tell him, and the rest is relative really.
What makes you not want to tell him?

he wants a baby
but after mc few months ago and me not being devastated think ive realised too late im happy as we are

It's a tough one really, it is your body and therefore your choice, however do you really think you could keep something like this a secret from him?

yeah it will devastate him if i tell him so i cant !

Does he know you're pregnant? If you don't tell him will you have to have the baby or could you have an abortion without him knowing?

Do you mean you've changed your mind about ever wanting children? Because that's a very big deal if he desperately wants them and something you need to discuss with him, irrelevant of what you decide to do regarding this pregnancy.

I think it is wrong not to tell him, sorry.

It will come out in the future if you don't and I imagine he will be very upset you didn't at least tell him

Why have you changed your mind so quickly? Are you sure you have? I feel quite scared the first few weeks of my pregnancy before feeling very happy.

no he doesnt know im pregnant
he knows im not keen on more kids we already have one dd3 but she has health problems and everybody knows how hard it was and still is so he understands me not wanting more, he isnt desparate for another just would like in his words !

Whilst it is your body and your choice, I think you need to tell him. You don't deceive or lie to your partner IMO.

It is morally extremely dubious to not tell him and have an abortion then carry on in a relationship with him. Not really fair at all.

Aren't you going to have to tell him you don't want to carry on trying for kids anyway? What will he do in response to that? He may want to leave an find someone who wants kids anyway. You really need to let him have the choice too.

Agree with Fairylea. If you've discovered you don't want kids and he definitely does - that's a huge incompatibility that you need to discuss with him.

With regards to your current pregnancy, it's your body and your decision. No one can force you to do something you don't want to do. However, I would think very carefully about an abortion and not telling your DP. If you had an abortion and then he talked you round into having children then you would be wracked with guilt.

You need to figure out if you're having a wobble or if you've decided you don't want kids, ever.

Cross posts.

Just seen your latest update, seriously you should have been more responsible with birth control if you feel like that.

thanks for all your responses but he says hes happy with our one dd he would like another but knows im not keen and i dont understand why it would come out at some point in the future ? nobody knows except me

questor dont you think i know that ?

How would you feel if he kept an equally huge secret from you?

Secrets have a habit of coming out when you least expect.

if it were him id say his choice, so what would be the point in him telling me when i might get upset ? he would say the same, i still dont understand how it will come out if im the only person who knows

Some people could no doubt carry off this deceit. It's up to you in the end though. I agree these secrets have a way of coming out.

Why are you asking when you don't want to hear what people are saying?

i still dont understand how it will come out if im the only person who knows

Unless you are planning a DIY termination, you are not the only person who knows and there will be written correspondence and notes in your medical records.

You seem to have already made up your mind. I agree with those saying that you should really discuss this with your partner. This would be a huge secret to keep and very divisive in your relationship.

You seem to have made up your mind....logistically you may need help at home if you chose a medical termination. You will need support to and from clinic if you have a surgical procedure and someone to keep an eye on you.

I think it's absolutely your decision to have a termination. But I think your dp deserves to know. It's just respectful to inform him of your decision because even though it's your body, and ultimately, your choice, it DOES affect him. It is his child too. I don't understand why you would knowingly go behind his back. If he understands your feelings re another child as you say he does, what would be the problem in telling him in any case? He will surely understand, sad as he may be at the decision?

Your partner wants a child but you are going to terminate and keep that a secret for ever. That isn't a nice way to maintain a relationship and I feel sorry for him.