If you were to recommend just one book on babies/parenting for a new parent, what would it be?

[Miffster]

Because one way I cope with anxiety is to read and study and learn as much as I can about something in advance. Clearly parenting cannot be learned in a book. But neither was I born knowing how to BF or look after babies.

My mum's dead so I can't ask her. And I've tried to read the threads about childcare experts but they seem to turn into bunfights. I don't want to know who is an abusive, ignorant Nazi loon and should never have been published. I just want a good book that will help me cope with my first baby. Can you help?

Thanks.

Hi Miffster. Don't discount new baby magazines either. I am 4 weeks out from my due date with my first and have been reading a mixture of books, pregnancy magazines and new baby magazines - earlier in my pregnancy I wanted to focus on the pregnancy aspects of it but I think the past few months I've been more focused on trying to understand as much as I can to help with the 'new baby' aspect of it! I found the antenatal classes offered through my hospital were fantastic as well, with two of the five sessions about 'baby in hospital' and 'baby at home' - which were really useful both for me and DH.

I'm like you; I don't want to slavishly follow one 'right way' of doing things but more to understand how other people have done things, and what seems to fit with my intuition (the problem with my intuition is I haven't done it before so I at least want a reference point when I DO have the baby and intuition kicks in!!

PS One of the books I ahve is BabyLove. It IS awesome!!

ineedsomesleep, the books I've read are not at all out of sync with my antenatal classes, which have focused on giving us all the information and allowing us to make the best choices for ourselves, our babies and our families.

It is a bit sad that NCT has got the reputation it has when I have found it very fair and very helpful. Our teacher does have her own preferences with some things and hasn't hidden those, which I think is fair enough, but she has also made sure to be fair to all sides, giving the good and bad of each and every choice that we'll need to make.

Has anyone recommended How Not To Be A Perfect Mother by Libby Purves yet?

It is a great blend of good advice from Libby's own experience and her friends' experiences, plus reassurance and humour. She tells you that it is OK not to be perfect - even a Madonna needs half an hour to put her feet up with a drink and a good book, and if your baby is clean, warm, well fed and safe, it's fine if they are wearing just a disposable nappy and one of their brother's jumper's with the sleeves rolled up.

I read this long before I became a mother, and I think every mum (especially first time ones) need to know that it is OK to be human, and you don't have to run yourself ragged trying to live up to an unattainable ideal of perfection.

MrsGangly fair point. I'll admit I was wrong. If there is one thing that the NCT is about its Informed Choice.

Will stand by my comments about preferring baby books written by people who have actually had babies though, but that's just my personal preference.

I can't just recommend one book - like you I study when I am scared and these are the books that helped me:

1. Contented Little Baby: I had no idea how long babies need to sleep for, feed for etc so this was my instruction manual!
2. The Baby Whisper Answers All Your Questions (or title something like that): I didn't know how to do things like settle the baby down to sleep or help him get back to sleep etc.
3. The No Cry Sleep Solution: more methods for helping baby sleep etc.

I just took different bits from each.

I found the What to Expect books interesting from a developmental perspective but paranoid and over-cautious on certain subjects as others have said.

Mumsnet threads were a great source too, even if just to see that other people were going through the same thing.

Thankfully the hospital staff showed us how to bathe DS and change his nappy. Support with breastfeeding in hospital was not great but the breastfeeding counsellor I saw as an 'outpatient' was great, and free.

If you can afford to book an amenity room so that you have your own room overnight I would really recommend it. The auxilliary staff really helped me with all those early questions on a 1:1 basis which was an absolute lifesaver.

I'm really sorry that you have lost your Mum. I know that DH found it particularly sad that his Dad will never meet DS and he wouldn't be able to ask him for all his top parenting tips.

Don't be afraid to ask other family and friends for help, you'll be surprised how willing people are to help and advise (well, you will get sick of all the advice to be honest).

Miffster I just wanted to add a suggestion for this Miriam Stoppard book for first time parents with step by step illustrated guides on how to dress and change etc and second the recommendation for the the Libby Purves book - it will make you giggle and is a good counterbalance to all the "oh and you could worry about this" of the what to expect books!

I was very anxious about becoming a mum and read loads before the birth. Personnaly I think doing lots of reading is a good idea - it meant i had different approaches to draw on which meant i felt a little more prepared for those "err what should I try now?!" moments. I hope you find this works for you too!

My SIL passed on a great bit of advice, she said that the fact I was really worried about how to be a mum meant I'd be a great one because I'd always try my hardest to make my baby happy.... hope that helps you too!

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, one final book tip.... if you haven't written your birth plan then I'd recommend this book too.

the best thing you can do for your new baby is to trust your own instincts.

do what you feel is right, whatever YOU feel is right is the best thing for your baby.

so read the books, but don't lose yourself.

Hi there

I'm a bit like you too in that I like to learn as much as I can about anything new to stop me from getting anxious. I read a couple of books when pregnant including "what to expect" and sheila kitzinger's "new experience of childbirth". Hypnobirthing book was also useful.

I had never changed a nappy when I had my DD and had held one baby so didn't know what to do at all. My parents gave me a couple of books which were great:

1. Miriam Stoppard book mentioned above.
2. Baby Secrets by Jo Tantum. (also has a website now which I've never used but maybe worth a look www.babysecretsltd.com/medialibrary.html)

These books were great for advice when I was unsure about anything. Adapting the advice in these books really helped until I had the confidence to realise that I knew how to look after my baby without help!

I hope that you find something that works for you and all the best.