If you were to recommend just one book on babies/parenting for a new parent, what would it be?

[Miffster]

Because one way I cope with anxiety is to read and study and learn as much as I can about something in advance. Clearly parenting cannot be learned in a book. But neither was I born knowing how to BF or look after babies.

My mum's dead so I can't ask her. And I've tried to read the threads about childcare experts but they seem to turn into bunfights. I don't want to know who is an abusive, ignorant Nazi loon and should never have been published. I just want a good book that will help me cope with my first baby. Can you help?

Thanks.

I know books can't teach you how to be a parent, but surely there must be a book or a DVD or something that demonstrates how to bath a newborn, or how to swaddle them etc? Because it is a skill and one that people surely have to be shown how to do - just as I learned how to be a good cook, mostly by reading cook books. I was not born with an intuitive knowledge of how to make a fish pie. Now I can make one without following a book. I don't slavishly follow Delia, or Nigel or Jamie. But I am very glad I read them because it has made me a much more confident and imaginative cook than I would be if I had to rely on guess work.

Parenting does consist of skills as well as intuition and I would rather read up on the skills I will need and have never had to develop so far as much as I can whilst I have the luxury of time to do so. It would calm and encourage me to do so, I think - but it's such a mine field, I don't want to make myself even more anxious than I already am!

The Sears book will do this, as will Babycentre. They have photos/videos/articles on everything.

There are plenty of "how to" videos on Youtube. e.g. "How to Bath a Baby". "How to Bathe, Change and Feed a Baby", "How to Swaddle a Baby".

Thanks very much for all the good advice everyone.

I think I will go and join the library - I can't think why I never thought of doing that before. Getting a load of books and then buying the ones that chime with me and that I think I will want to refer to is a really good idea.

Otherwise I will end up spending loads of money on amazon in a panic!

So sorry for your loss Miffster. This must be a tough time for you. I am like you - I read to reassure myself. I liked an old copy of Penelope Leach I was given by a client. Not too preachy but gives you an idea of normal. Here in Scotland we get a copy of a book called Ready Steady Baby which covers lots of basics and is factual and practical. I'd be happy to send it to you if you'd like it - CAT me if so. But I can honestly say that despite all my reading I found this place a superb resource when I had a real live baby to deal with. Quick answers to daft questions, even at 3am, and endless support. Good luck with your pregnancy!

Hi MIffster. My Mum was on the other side of the workd when I had my DD. I agree with books others have recommended. Like you, I liked to read all the advice, then discovered the books all contradict each other. So for things like routines, how to get your baby to sleep etc. you will have to try different things until you fidn what suits you and your baby.

Please don't worry about how to bathe your baby and how to change a nappy. Hospitals are used to fist time mums. Just call a midwife when the time comes and ask them to show you. I had a CS so DH had to do a lot of care of my DD at first in hospital. He was terrified of getting things wrong. He felt much happier about doing nappy changes when he realised that there is a picture on the front of the nappy - so he at least knew which way round it went on!

Please relax and enjoy your pregnancy and baby. Remember babies are adaptable and forgiving. Like everyone else, you will learn on the job.

The Continuum Concept really gave me the confidence to trust my own instincts when parenting. I think it's fab.

I liked Nancy Reagan's Pregnancy and Birth - it gives a week by week schedule of what to look out for, emotional support and nice stories to share without being judgy or overbearing. It was great to look ahead and look back etc etc. After birth I hung around on mn, which answered most of the big questions. Plus endless support and advice ;)

Hi I read lots of different books, but the one I found most practical was called "your baby week by week" by Simone cave and dr Caroline fertleman. It covers each week of the first 6 months with what to expect for you and you baby broken onto sections like crying, feeding, sleeping, health etc. It is brilliant- just sensible practical advice and information. I now give it to all of my friends who are having a baby for the first time.
I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mum- books are good, finding an antenatal group is also a real lifeline, as well a MN!

I agree with HarijukuLover.

I am very anxious and ended up with PND. I drove myself mad (well madder) reading all the books in the library about what I should/shouldn't be doing. Each of them tell you something slightly different and I felt I was doing everything wrong especially with DC1.

Depending on where you live your HV will give you a factual book about babies which is all you need plus Mumsnet/internet (even that needs to be taken with a pinch of salt as everyone has their own opinions)

When you are in hospital the midwives will show you how to bath/hold baby, how to change a nappy.Midwife comes out to you at home when you come back from hospital and Health Visitor after that. Whatever the books tell you this is when you start to learn about your baby - they are all different! Some of them haven't read any of the books so you have no idea what to do with them

Please ask for help with BF - I really struggled and failed. That's a whole story in itself but I really feel a connection with what you are saying now and how I felt when I was pregnant.

I am sorry for your loss and am sure you are feeling it more than ever.My mother lives 400 miles away and due to other issues we don't have a close relationship so I had no family support to speak of. Friends are massively important as is antenatal/post natal groups. Depends on what sort of structure you like but NCT is supposed to be good.

I'm glad someone else recommended Your Baby Week by Week it's my number one choice too. Very reassuring and sensible but not a dogmatic 'be this type of parent'. I also agree with the suggestions to get lots out early on and see what you think chimes with you. I'm the same way about reading to feel more in control, it was disconcerting to me to discover my friends didn't look at books at all when they got pregnant, but I was the first and my mum is on the other side of the world, so I needed to get info from somewhere! Libraries are great miffster do join yours, you'll probably find it does some v useful baby and toddler activities which are good for trips out when the baby comes.

I'd say Birth and Beyond, I found it very useful.

Also, I have a mum and MIL nearby, but they didn't tell me /show me anything. While we were still in hospital post-birth we were shown how to swaddle and bathe our baby, they also gave breastfeeding support (well a bit, anyway).

After that I saw the health visitor at the baby clinic, went on MN, went to my GP all the time (she didn't mind: said come as much as I want in the first year,)met other mums. No one obsesses about every detail like another new mum. You realise soon that there are so many different ways of doing everything: feeding, sleeping, routines or not, slings or prams and so on.

One of the most stressful things about parenting at the beginning (well, apart from the sleep deprivation) is the array of choices that you are faced with. But you make them and live with them, and you find that they are not the same as the next persons but that's fine. Find what works for you and your family, then ignore other people.

You will find that your baby will cry and you will feed it and hug it; your baby will fill its nappy (sometimes also all its clothes too) and you will change its nappy (getting better at this very quickly); your baby will be and you will gaze. After a few weeks you will be an expert at feeding, changing, cuddling, sleeping any time you can: in short, you will be a mother. It continues like that. By the time you get to weaning you will know what to do, from friends, from MN, from being a mother.

Post-baby I'd highly recommend 'What Mothers do: especially when it looks like nothing' by Naomi Stadlen. It is a wonderfully affirming read, it helped me allow myself to trust my instincts. It isn't a how to book, but it does the best job at describing what it is actually like to have a baby.

Definitely' Birth and Beyond' by Yehudi Gordon.

It covers your pregnancy (incl. lots of detail of baby's development), preparing to become a parent, giving birth, the first nine months of your baby's development, yoga stuff for you, a glossary of ailments that commonly affect babies or mothers, first aid, alternative remedies ... the lot. And if you decide to do it again it even covers stuff like siblings.

It is very readable, longer passages covering the details of development; short FAQ sections; lots of photos

My best book buy (and I buy a lot).

here

Sorry, this is a better link to 'The Baby Owner's Manual' - you can actually see what it's like style/content wise -

books.google.co.uk/books?id=GVFsn9q2krYC&dq=The+baby+owner's+manual&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl =en&ei=mzwvTOHCB43y0gS5mJmWAw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CDwQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q&f=f alse

Miffster - congratulations on your pregnancy.

I liked "What to Expect" but TBH Mumsnet is better on breastfeeding than any of the books.

I think the NCT is a very good suggestion, it's really nice to make friends who are going through the same things as you at roughly the same stages.

MIffster, my mum is dead too and I had some similar worries. But you do just sort of learn it on the job. DP and I asked a midwife in the hospital about basic care (dressing, bathing, nappy changing) and she was happy to go through it with us, but we didn't really know how to do it until we'd spent the first few weeks doing it ourselves.

Breastfeeding: I learned pretty much everything I needed to know here on MN. The antenatal threads can be brilliant, I'm still firm friends with most of the mums on mine (DS is nearly 2) and it was really great to pick the brains of the experienced mums about all sorts of baby-related questions.

If I had to recommend a book about new motherhood, it would be 'What mothers do, especially when it looks like nothing' by Naomi Stadlen. It's not a baby care manual as such, but it is incredibly reassuring about the process that mothers go through of learning to care for their child. It might help you feel a bit more secure in your ability to parent your baby I liked it a lot because it seemed to cover some of the things I might have discussed with my mum, like how she found the transition to motherhood.

baby love by robin barker

its an aussie bestseller but i loved it as was so, unbiased and supportive and it covered everything

fucking HATED gina
baby whisperer was OK but her writing made myb teeth hurt

loved robin tho

Absolutely not she who must not be mentioned or The Baby Whisperer.

Loved Babycalming by Caroline Deacon. Its written by a Breastfeeding Counsellor and gives you a good insight into your baby's behaviour.

A vote here for Penelope Leach, and the NCT classes or NHS antenatal if these are available to you. Nowadays there are Sure Start childrens centres which are there to provide support to parents too.

When I had DS1 in hospital the midwives were there to help with getting breastfeeding established, and the auxiliaries would show you how to bath a baby/change a nappy etc.
After going home a midwife visited us each day at home and so could answer questions then.

I would speak to your midwife frankly about your concerns and see what support is available locally.

When I had DS1 I bought a number of books but I didnt find most of them much use to be honest.

Miffster was wondering how you were getting on? Have you bought or borrowed any yet? If so, which ones and are you finding them ok?

Also, I wanted to to that it must be really hard for you right now without your Mum. Have you thought of starting a thread to ask if there are any other Mums without Mums? They might be able to tell you about some books that were useful to them or groups.

Not everyone learns about parenting from their Mum anyway, although I do have my Mum she pretty much left it upto me to find my own way. Thats not a criticism of her, it was good in that she didn't offer advice and I was left to follow my own instincts.

First Time Parent by Lucy Atkin. It's the only book I found that doesn't patronise, that assumes you are an intelligent adult, and that offers every single major technique for dealing with the under-ones without judgement, except for smacking which she is anti. It acknowledges that all kids are different and what works on one may not on another, and it's just very sane and reasonable, and honest without being terrifying or depressing. It's a brilliant book - not one single review on Amazon is less than 5 stars, and I'm not surprised. It's the only one of the lot I actually liked reading, and I bought heaps.

I disliked most pregnancy books, but What To Expect is the best, I agree. To be honest no pregnancy book is as good as MN/the internet, anyway. It can't be - experience varies so much. Babies, and though they differ, the fundamentals of caring for them don't.

well it may sound sucky but the only book I read (as ds1 screamed) was the first mumsnet on babies and it was great as it wasn't just one way of thinking. It gave me confidence and new ideas and I could pick th ebits I liked