is it wrong to ask for some bedroom action at 6 months pregnant from DP?

[jbakedbean]

My DP has never been the tiger in the bedroom that I have beed previously been used to or even good at showing affection. Is it wrong to ask for some affection, possibly even an alternative to sex if he can't face having sex with a 6 month pregnant woman? He looks at me as if I am stark raving mad, even when I suggest alternatives. Advice would be really appreciated. I just want a bit of tlc from DP, and since he doesn't do cuddles, kisses, hand holds, and sex is off the agenda for him I'm feeling very unloved. : (

Have you spoken to him about why he doesn't really do affection??

Not at all unreasonable to ask for some affection and can totally see why you would feel unloved, is he scared of hurting the baby or something??

Not at all wrong to need affection and [gasp] sex while 6 months pregnant. I'm 32 weeks and still enjoying sex, dp still thinks I'm sexy (not sure why tbh )

I agree with Jamie - ask him why.

I don't think it's wrong at all. I'd also suggest talking to him about this - IMO getting no affection or bedroom action from him is wrong, not you wanting some!

definately not wrong to want that, I'm 5 months and my husband has never been off me! thinks I'm sexier than ever, definately chat to him

Hell no , I m 6 months gone and getting my oats while I can

Talk to him, maybe he doesnt know how you feel, he could be assuming you're not interested...

some men get a bit weird about sex which is a total pain in the arse, but AFFECTION? your pregnant not a leper! my DP never leaves me alone, he's always cuddling up to me (i think its his child he really wants to cuddle though...) your partner is being unnecessarily cold and should give his lovely babymama some love!

I've tried to talk til I'm blue in the face, he just gets away from the conversation as soon as possible. He just says that he's never been affectionate so why should I expect him to change. I don't expect him to change but to put in a little effort to make me feel good wouldn't go astray. As far as sex goes he just gets very closed and says he's just not interested and doesn't find me attractive. To be honest the talk doesn't last long and he never says anything that makes me feel better, in fact I just end up feeling really low. This being my second baby with him I am coping better this pregnancy than the last as I think I have started to accept it is just easier to accept that he's really naff during pregnancy but makes up for it by being a great dad.

Although I have spoken to him and said that come post birth life has to change as I'm not putting up with living like dot and jim from eastenders at the age of 30!!!, and as far as I'm concerned sex isn't a bonus, it is a necessity to make a relationship work. He just nods and moves off.

I'm sure it'll sort it self out after the borth if not I could be a very unhappy bunny, but i'm sure he'll find his spark again, (I hope)

I've got the opposite problem. I'm the one who doesn't want sex just now - hips too sore. DH asks but I say no to him and he's understanding but I feel terrible

Hope your DP shows you some affection - you at least deserve that if not sex.

Your situation sounds very unfair. I'd consider it a part of a normal healthy relationship for both partners to have at least almost as much time and affection as they want, and if you're not getting any then to be honest what is the difference between a DP and living with a friend? (Even a lot of my friends hug each other when we're feeling low, etc.) Sorry if I sound pessimistic, but it sounds as if he's being very inconsiderate. If he has issues around physicality, then it's not like you can demand he suddenly changes, but I think it's reasonable to suggest he seek counselling or work on it or something.

Hopefully after the birth you will be able to sort it out. It's really important that you do, being a great dad does not make up for being a less than brilliant partner. A friend of mine has 2 children, her youngest is 3.5 years and the last time they had sex was when the youngest was conceived. The lack of affection is slowly killing her and the marriage. It does sound like there is something else going on and jjkm advice sounds like a good place to start trying to help sort it.

thanks jjkm, your right about me, I am a truly open person and he is quite a closed book, although i must admit he very rarely gets nagged, and very often i spend my time trying to boost him, if not for any other reason that i need a bit of a boost back (which I don't get), although my friend says when he is down the pub he is often full of praise for me, just wish he'd let me know. DP is very tactile with his children which is a big relief.
I've tried backing off completely and not bringing anything up, i've tried telling him how it makes me feel. I've tried asking why it is such a no go, and why he doesn't make the effort with affection, apart from sick noises at the mention of intimacy, he says that "I've never been affectionate so don't expect me to start now"
Last night he went to go to bed and i said do you think i could have a kiss goodnight, to which he turned around and said "god, you're not going to be pregnant forever" as if my request was totally unreasonable. I then said that is true, but would it really hurt him to make a bit of effort now and again. he gave me a kiss and went upstairs.

Today he has cleaned the house from top to bottom, which i think is his way of trying to show me he cares. I'd personally prefer a cuddle than a mopped floor but must admit the house looks fab.

I know if the situation doesn't change after the birth then we'll have to take a serious look at our relationship, as i want a partner and lover, not a housemate.

thanks for all your input x x x

He sounds like he's a complete twat tbh. There's a big difference between not wanting to have sex with you, and not wanting to even kiss you goodnight. I think he is being really harsh on you, and really hope things improve after the birth.