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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

does anyone ever regret finding out the sex?

71 replies

lelarose · 09/06/2010 13:56

I am tempted to find out my baby's sex but have given into what my partner and various others, including the sonographer keep telling me about having a surprise, particularly as its my first.

Its starting to bug me now though for various reasons and I'm wondering if anyone ever feels or has felt that knowing the sex in advance was any kind of a let down or regretted in in any way?

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SacharissaCripslock · 09/06/2010 14:00

I found out with my first two and then had a surprise with my third. I now regret finding out the first two times as it really was much nicer not knowing throughout my pregnancy and getting that big surprise at the end. It really was nicer having the 'ooh what do you think it is' converstation with people/DH, and the excitement of finding out what baby was when he was here!

DaydreamDolly · 09/06/2010 14:02

I didn't find out the sex of DD and was really pleased that I didn't, as, for the same reasons as above, I felt an extra excitement finding out the 'flavour' at the end of the labour!
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Meita · 09/06/2010 14:06

I do slightly regret it. But that's because we decided not to tell people, keep it a secret for ourselves. That would have been lots easier if we had indeed not found out.

The reason why we decided to find out was to make it easier on finding a name. However, given that quite a few of those ultrasound predictions are wrong, we feel we need to have a back-up plan for the other sex as well, so we didn't really save ourselves any effort. Just made it harder to not tell everybody else.

We wouldn't have that problem though if we were telling everybody. So that's just us, really

LadyintheRadiator · 09/06/2010 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sayanything · 09/06/2010 14:08

I found out as soon as I could (I'm pg with my first). We're having a difficult time agreeing on names, so cutting down on 50% of the angst seemed reasonable. But mainly, I hated the thought that other people would know (the sonographer, my gynae) and not us.

cinnamongreyhound · 09/06/2010 14:18

I found out with both of mine and am glad I did because I felt that it helped me to bond with the baby. The guessing just for the first 20 weeks this time around was awful, and I'm glad I can prepare for the arrival of my second son. I think it's a really personal thing and I certainly wouldn't let a sonographer tell me what to do but your partner is different. I didn't want to know first time but DH did and I didn't want him to know and me not so I found out, cried a lot because I wanted a girl!

In my opinion meeting your baby is enough excitement and knowing the sex doesn't detract from that! You will be looking into his/her face taking it all in, the baby I got was nothing like the one I pictured in my pregnancy and I certainly wasn't bothered at that point that he was a boy or a girl

memphis83 · 09/06/2010 14:23

i dont regret it at all, when people say to me a surprise is nicer i really cant see after a exhausting labour to be jumping up and down wanting to know the sex like i was at my 20 week scan, i loved the moment we were told my partner got emotional and it really felt really from then, we havent used it to give him a name he is still nameless at 36 weeks pg and will remain so until hes in our arms i just thought it would help my partner feel more part of pregnancy

sassy34264 · 09/06/2010 14:46

I didn't find out with my first child and i'm not finding out now. Imo it just isn't the same if you know. My SIL had her 1st ds 3 weeks ago and knew it was a boy from the 20 week scan. When he was born, we all got the phone call that 'she's had him'. Compare that to a phone call that says 'she's had a boy/girl' and it just doesn't.

elportodelgato · 09/06/2010 14:55

I didn't find out with DD and won't with this one either (I am 11 weeks). I LOVED not knowing, it was so exciting to be told in the delivery room and be handed your new baby.

To be honest, I was so high on the G&A that they could have handed me a monkey and I would have been delighted but seriously, I do wonder why so many people want to know. Babies are all individual, knowing the gender doesn't really tell you anything about them, and not knowing also means no one buys you crappy blue or pink shit things. Of course, you may be like the woman I met at a party last weekend, heavily pg, I asked 'do you know what you're having?', she said 'a girl, at least I hope so as the bedroom is all pink and covered in butterflies' - no gender stereotyping in her house then! I am secretly hoping they got it wrong and she has a boy, oh imagine the consternation...

jaabaar · 09/06/2010 14:59

I didnt regret at all finding out the sex of my baby. It helped me to bond with my bump as I had an idea who was in there .

We kept it a secret from others. One advise though if you want to keep it a secret dont tell othes you know the sex but keep it a secret!!

TaurielTest · 09/06/2010 15:00

Exciting to be told, even more exciting (IME) for you and your partner to look and discover it for yourselves

mtor · 09/06/2010 15:00

Do really agree with novicemama. The gender stereotyping starts so early that it was a benefit for me to keep it at bay for a little bit longer. I'm very glad I didn't find out.

DilysPrice · 09/06/2010 15:05

I couldn't have stood the sonographer knowing and not telling me - there just seemed no reason not to know.
When people asked I just told them what the sex was, (and the name in DD's case) - we were very very sure from the scan and there seemed no reason to lie. I did occasionally regret it, due to pregnancy related superstition I sometimes felt it was bad luck/counting my chickens but tbh if I hadn't done it I'd just have been paranoid about something else.

Booboobedoo · 09/06/2010 15:08

It amazes me that people feel strongly enough to judge others on their choice tbh.

You secretly hope the sonographer got it wrong and they'll have to redecorate the room? How very generous-spirited of you.

We found out, and will again this time. It's still a surprise, and comes at a time when you can appreciate it (as someone else pointed out).

But judging someone negatively for not wanting to find out would be bizarre as it has no effect on me and is none of my business.

What do you think you're having, lelarose?

estya · 09/06/2010 15:09

Haha sayanything - I can really identify with your main reason for finding out was because you "hated the thought that other people would know (the sonographer, my gynae) and not us."

Glad I'm not the only control freak on here.

We are going to find out next week. I think THE day will be exciting enough. Don't feel we need to save any more surprises for that day.

withorwithoutyou · 09/06/2010 15:11

I got told of for my neighbour the other day for finding out the sex, and by the delivery driver from DFS who asked me what I thought I was having! Told me I had ruined the surprise, oh do nob off.

Anyway, I didn't find out first time round, had a horrible delivery with DD and literally could not appreciate the news when I was told so regretted not finding out before I think.

Found out this time round and it's been great to know except for people and their twatty comments!

elportodelgato · 09/06/2010 15:11

booboobedoo, most of my friends have found out and I don't care either way, I am definitely the odd one out in not finding out. I do have pretty strong views on gender-neutral clothes etc for kids so it was the thought of the yukky pink butterfly room that made me feel a bit naughty and malicious. Up to her though, of course.

In the case of my DD, the sonographer told us she would have to specifically have a good look round to find out the gender, so it wasn't as though she knew and we didn't IYSWIM

hallomutti · 09/06/2010 15:13

i am 28 weeks pregnant and i wanted to know from the beginning. my hubby dont!! i think it is more a personal thing for me. its my first and sometimes it still dont feel real to me. so knowing now what sex it is has helped me more bonding with my little one. told everyone else i dont know.and i am happy to keep it a secret from my hubby,which surprisingly to me its very easy;-)

ShowOfHands · 09/06/2010 15:13

Well it's different strokes for different folks. Same as anything, if you prefer to do things one way you struggle to understand the mindset that does things differently. No need to be rude, critical or mean about the way other people do things.

I found out because I wanted to know. Simple as that.

MrsTittleMouse · 09/06/2010 15:17

After my first delivery DD was whisked away as she was in distress, I was being examined by all and sundry as I was bleeding very heavily, and I was vomiting and shaking as I was in shock after a long labour. I don't think that it would have been very "special" to have been told the gender at that point. I probably wouldn't have been able to pay any attention anyway.

But I wouldn't mind if someone wanted to wait, it's their call. The only thing that does bug me is the subset of people who wait who think that they have some kind of moral superiority over those who find out.

KodakTheBat · 09/06/2010 15:17

I've never heard anybody say they regret not finding out. Plenty saying they regret finding out though.

I didn't with both, it;s an amzing suprise and well worth the wait. It's so much more exciting to ring family and friends after saying "we had a..." instead of "he's/she's here".

Booboobedoo · 09/06/2010 15:17

I'm with you on the gender-neutral clothing novicemama. I'm feeling somewhat snipey atm as I'm nineteen weeks pregnant, so excuse my peremptory tone.

I seriously hate being pregnant, and finding out the gender helps me to bond and feel less resentful.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 09/06/2010 15:19

I didn't regret finding out either time. It was still a surprise, just a surprise in the middle of pregnancy when I was feeling fat and hormonal and tired and surprises (other than the "oh look, now my ankles have swollen. How nice" variety) were few and far between. There were still a hundred and one things to be surprised by about my babies once they arrived and I didn't feel the loss of this one particular surprise.

elportodelgato · 09/06/2010 15:21

booboobedoo I am with you on the feeling hormonal and shouty thing God I HATE being pg, so I will backtrack: if finding out the gender helps you get through 9 months of horribleness then you should go ahead. Need to remember the mantra I had from maternity leave last time round when other mums do stuff you think is bonkers: 'I am in no position to judge whatever you do to get you through the night...'

ooosabeauta · 09/06/2010 15:22

I told the mum of one of our neighbours last week, and she cut the conversation off and did a cat's bum face because she disapproved so much!

I loved knowing with ds, and I had a strong preference this time (know people find that offensive but I really couldn't help how I felt), and I knew that if the gender was not my '1st choice' I couldn't have helped but have a twinge about it after the labour, so much better to have 20 weeks to get used to it. The first time, the arrival of my healthy baby boy was surprise enough.

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