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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Fed up with being told pregnancy horror stories (warning contains horror stories)

64 replies

moonstorm · 19/04/2010 20:45

Well not horror as such, but on anouncing my pregnancy, I've been told about how they lost a baby at 26 weeks, about other paople who had late miscarriages/ lost a young baby etc. etc. I am really fed up! I didn't think I would get throught the first trimester (bleeding) and now want to relax. I know nothing is certain until the baby is born, but I wish people would stop with the negative

Sorry! Rant over

OP posts:
babylove2 · 19/04/2010 20:48

Yeah i dont know why woman do that, not nice.

And the horrible birth stories etc, there is 1 thing just explaing to be AWARE of something and another scaring the hell out of you for no reasson.

Dont listen to any of it, there are no 2 births alike.

x

bexxaa · 19/04/2010 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

moonstorm · 19/04/2010 21:19

Thankyou! x

OP posts:
MPuppykin · 20/04/2010 10:12

I was thinking of starting a thread about this very issue! The latest horror story I was told was by a colleague last week who said that she ?knew someone? a ?friend of a friend? who strained so hard in labour that her eye popped out. You know what? I think that is just a load of BS. I asked for exact details, how and why, but none were - strangely- forthcoming.

WHY do people feel the need to tell you horror stories? So bizarre. If you were going to have your appendix out people would not feel the need to regale you with stories!

Poledra · 20/04/2010 10:13

But I could regale you with the story of having my appendix out while pregnant...

Congratulations of your pregnancy, moonstone, and i hope people give you the opportunity to enjoy it!

rubyslippers · 20/04/2010 10:15

Just tell them to stop

seriously

shall i tell you about my 2 brilliant births instead?!

MrsSawdust · 20/04/2010 10:19

The vast majority of pregnancies beyond the first trimester are healthy, normal and full term with healthy, normal births and healthy, normal babies at the end.

Ok?

Pootles2010 · 20/04/2010 10:25

Puppykin - sorry - but that story made me snort with laughter. Thats possibly most ridiculous thing i've ever heard. Always a 'friend of a friend' isn't it?

BendyBob · 20/04/2010 10:25

Oh yes there really should be a law against this! I can remember that too. Well, I've had three and it was all just fine. Ignore all those stories and enjoy your pregancy.

Lol at Puppykins post though. What a story!No doubt someone will be along to say different - but I have never heard of such a thing fgs

MPuppykin · 20/04/2010 10:25

Exactly. I have started asking people ?why would you tell me that?? and then I sit back and watch them squirm.

zazen · 20/04/2010 10:43

At least you know that it's not personal - it just shows that these poor women have still got issues tbh.

There is very little information about agencies where a woman / partner can talk about things that really upset them regarding m/c and a horrible birth. And there seems to be less and less time after the even to debrief.

Maybe you could redirect these women to the birth trauma society, or the miscarriage association, and say tell them you're not a qualified counsellor, but that you hear that these agencies are excellent.

Whatever you do, please don't take it personally! But be compassionate, you are given a unique opportunity when pregnant to help women who were / are not so fortunate as yourself, by giving them details of where they can go to get help. I don't know if making them squirm is kind, you know.

And above all else, congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy and hope everything goes perfectly for you.

zazen · 20/04/2010 10:45

sorry, And there seems to be less and less time after the event to debrief.

tabbycat7 · 20/04/2010 10:46

I had that too. It was horrid. Somebody made a point of telling me "something always goes wrong with the 3rd one. Crap. I had a norml pregnancy, much quicker labour and DS3 and I were fine. I don't know why some people do that.

MPuppykin · 20/04/2010 10:51

Yes, and what zazen said.

mrsrvc · 20/04/2010 11:15

Sometimes though, a little empathy doesn't hurt.

TaurielTest · 20/04/2010 11:31

I think MPuppykin's response is spot on. In my first pg (which ended well) when the secretary at my old uni dept came out with some third-hand and unlikely-sounding horror story involving umbilical cords, I gave her a very frosty look and said "Why would you think it was appropriate to share that with me?"

mrsrvc - that's all very well if it's their own experience they're relating (even so, there's a time and a place) - but these are usually just "ooh isn't it awful" old wives' tales.

Lutyens · 20/04/2010 11:33

That's horrible. Pregnancy is hard enough without horror stories!

What zazzen said hit a nerve though. Every time a friend announces her pregnancy to everyone including the local butcher at 4.5 weeks, I am reminded of the baby I lost at 17 weeks and how nothing should be taken for granted. However, I would never be insensitive enough to go over and tell them that! I only talk of my miscarriage with friends who are not pregnant or friends who have recently gone through the experience themselves (to show support), never to a pregnant woman!

LoveJules3 · 20/04/2010 11:38

tabbycat me too! I heard so many horror stories about 3rd babies, Not one prob with me either!

My MIL liked reminding me about the baby she lost at 18w.......

AitchTwoZone · 20/04/2010 11:40

congratulations on your pregnancy but jesus, show some compassion, woman.

Slippers101 · 20/04/2010 11:46

Just the same LoveJules- when I finally became pregnant after a long time trying my MIL told me to treat it as a 'trial run' as there would very likely be a mc. I know she had a very traumatic mc at 16 weeks and she was simply trying to warn and prepare me, but it made those first 16 weeks unbearable. Everytime I saw her she reminded me of the warning signs to look out for. I know this says a lot about how it affected her and still does, but, deep in the throes of hyperemesis, I just couldn't cope. Still at 19 weeks now and fingers firmly crossed x

GwennieF · 20/04/2010 12:46

LOL at the eye popping out!

Octaviapink · 20/04/2010 12:53

God this is so true. One person in particular couldn't see me without telling me appalling stories - the one that stuck in my mind was how supposedly when she was on the labour ward there was one woman with stretch marks so bad her skin had actually split! I mean, that's something out of a horror movie! Ridiculous.

There are some people who are just negative, I guess - the same person delighted in telling me how awful I was going to feel with sleepless nights, how our lives were over, etc etc, and now I'm going back to work has another bundle of doom about how difficult it is managing baby and work. To my discredit whenever I see her I make a point of telling her how easy we're finding everything (lie, lie!). She's not a friend but she's someone I can't avoid!

woollyjo · 20/04/2010 13:03

I'm with Aitch - I have a horror story but I don't share it with pg women unless specifically asked a question where I can't avoid it.

Maybe because you are pg they think you may understand/have some compassion for what they have been through?

5DollarShake · 20/04/2010 13:58

I would feel desperately sorry for what the women had been though, but I don't think moonstorm is being unreasonable in not wanting to hear the stories while she is feeling vulnerable herself. If she had asked for them, that's one thing, but she clearly hasn't and being told them is only going to scare some people. Pregnancy can be a hugely worrying and anxious time for some people as it is.

I mean, wollyjo, you say yourself, that you don't share your story (and I'm so sorry that you have one) unless specifically asked.

I guess this sort of reminds me of when some people who struggle to conceive feel as if pregnant women don't have a right to complain about the trials and tribulations of pregnancy; instead they should just be thankful. Yes, they should, but they are also entitled to struggle with their pregnancy and vent about it if they need to.

It is awful that other people have had terrible experiences and losses during pregnancy, but it can also be really alarming to be told, unsolicited, about such stories when you're worried enough as it is. I mean, we don't always know the pregnant woman's own situation. Perhaps she's already had several losses, or taken a long time to conceive, or had repeated bleeding - all things which would have you unable to relax and enjoy the pregnancy anyway.

I have to say, I haven't experienced this myself in either pregnancy, but I would find it more annoying from people telling stories about friends of friends, or about something they'd once heard, than to be told it by someone who'd actually been through it. Although I'd still wonder if sharing such a sad, personal thing with a pregnant woman was really appropriate.

MumNWLondon · 20/04/2010 15:43

When I came out of my 12 weeks scan at the hospital clutching my maternity notes in the bounty folder - looking forward to telling people (at last - we hadn't even told either of our parents) - a women - sitting in a wheelchair, very obese, wearing a bathrobe, smoking a cigarette asked me how far gone I was - I said 12 weeks, just had scan and she said, oh don't tell anyone yet I lost mine at 14 weeks! Annoying didn't make a comment about her being totally overweight and smoking despite being in hospital, just thought what a bitch!

TBH, I do find it a bit odd when people announce their pregnancies at 5 weeks or when people post threads on here about buying stuff before around 20 weeks, but I honestly can't imagine why that women approached a total stranger to make the comment.