Found out the sex today - feeling really sad about it :(

[BettyButterknife]

In hindsight, perhaps we shouldn't have found out. Already have one son, this next child will be our second and last. Looks like we're having another boy.

Thing is, everyone around me has been saying 'oh, I definitely think you're having a girl' and I began to believe them.

I wish we hadn't told people we'd be finding out, as all day I've had people texting and calling to see what it is. Their reactions have made me feel so much worse - my mum sounded disappointed and I stupidly feel a bit like I've let them down. I know that's daft, and I feel so guilty for feeling sad about this because the scan showed that there was nothing to worry about and we're expecting a healthy baby, which I know is the only thing most people would care about.

How do I get over this? I wanted to know to enable me to bond a bit more with my bump, and it's obviously very new news still. I have had a crappy day at work, and a broken night last night, so I'm hoping these tears are a product of being tired and stressed more than being geniunely upset I'll never have a daughter. Can anyone offer any words of advice?

Poor thing - don't beat yourself up too much. I felt exactly the same when I found out I was expecting a second son - I hadn't even thought I had a preference before, but clearly had and spent a few days feeling sad. I was glad I found out because it gave me time to get used to the idea, and by the time he arrived I couldn't have wished him to be any different. It has just got better and better - having two little boys is fantastic. And, if you're only planning on two, I'd say the chances of two boys being close growing up (and perhaps as adults) is greater than one of each sex....

At least you won't have to suffer a sea of pink and fluffy rubbish for the next 10 years!

there have been lots of threads on this subject, have a read of some.. i'm not being dismissive, just that there has been lots of good advice on them

your baby is healthy, i presume?so that is a great starting point. i think it is natural to wonder about what a daughter would have been like, if you don't have one, and a son if vice versa, that is human nature

however you can't change this, you are having a baby boy and he will be wonderful. you will love him, give yourself a bit of time to get through this, and you will be fine.

Yay!
A healthy baby.
Honestly, 2 children are 2 children. Whatever their sex.
Good luck.

Fabulous for your son to have a baby brother.
Totally agree on the pink comment too - phew, lucky escape!
Good luck.

My advice is to snap out of it, be grateful for having a healthy baby and a brother for your existing child and don't read things into other people's reactions. Shame on anyone who seems disappointed when you tell them the gender.

I'm having another boy, and it will be our last. Dh and I are really happy it's a boy, as same sex siblings we know are much closer than opposite sex ones. We feel that wanting a girl would have been all about us rather than about the dcs...and we're the grown-ups, so that's not how it should be!

Besides, boys are bloody wonderful

sorry if this upsets anyone i would rather have 10 boys than my girl lol... she is a royal pain in the butt and even her surname is Paine hehe...she is bossy and i felt i was a good mum till i had her... i have 2 boys also who are polite and "good" am pregnant again (also a girl)...just praying my dd2 will grow bigger than dd1 and knock her off her throne lmao... even in the hospital she was "naughty" and they nicnamed her queen victoria as she wouldnt sleep unless her SCBU cot was propped up!! count yourself lucky
ps- want to swap....hehe xx

I have two boys, and was SO pleased when DS2 was born! (didn't know in advance). Honestly, having 2 the same if great - and boys are so lovely too! They will grow up being close, sharing toys, and you know what to expect - not to mention being able to pass on all the hand-me-downs to them! And personally, I HATE pink/frills/Bratz dolls etc so I was really pleased that we can miss that out....Cheer up, once he's born you won't want anything else, trust me.

Good luck and congratulations!

I cried when I found out I was having a boy first time around because I was so convinced I was having a girl! As you say I did think it might have been better not to know because that feeling of love I felt after would have removed any disappointment but it was very important to my husband to find out.

This time around I really don't mind (although my mum is desperate for a girl) as I have a lovely son and know what I'm doing with boys. He loves his mummy so much and that realtionship is fantastic.

I agree with other posters that same sex siblings are likely to be closer, I always wanted a sister when I was growing up! My son and stepson are 6 years apart and love each other more than I could have hoped.

I am a childminder and in my experience girls are much harder work than boys. I think people may be picking up on your disappointment and are being sad for you not for themselves. You will love your baby no matter what and you have 20 weeks to get used to it, give yourself time.

Most of all congratulations!!!!

Be glad you can avoid slutz bratz and lip gloss and diva-esque behaviour.

Your DS will I'm sure prefer a brother to a sister

2 boys is great. like others have said, they will grow up close & share a lot of the same interests. My youngest seems to be into everything that his brother is!

Give yourself a bit of time to get used to the idea, but I know that once he is born you will be thrilled with him, and your DS will be happy to have a little brother to play with.

Congratulations!

I wonder if others second this: when your two sons are playing together and laughing, and you happen to hear Rolf Harris (!...stick with me on this..!) on the radio singing "Two Little Boys" I will bet you a million squillion pounds that you will cry because you love them SO much AND that every time you hear it thereafter you still cry.

There...that's all

Betty I've been through exactly the same thing (and was on your thread about names - my DS1 is Arthur too, and am expecting DS2 aka Wilf in a few weeks time)

I decided to have a private scan to find out the sex of DC2 because I knew that, having already got one boy, I really really wanted to have a girl. For me, the point of the scan was to get any 'disappointment' over having a boy, if that's what it turned out to be (which it did) out of the way before he arrived, and I'm really glad I did.

The moment the sonographer said "Ooh definitely a boy" I felt my eyes well up with tears, because like you this is my second and last baby and I will now never have a daughter. I cried all the way home in the car and had a good week or two of feeling very sorry for myself.

All the while, like you, I was fielding calls from friends and family who said "oh, and how do you feel about that?" in the kind of voice you'd use if someone said they'd just found out that the baby was going to be thick and ugly or something!

I was totally honest - said "I'm a bit disappointed but that's why I had the scan - so I can get over that and be happy and ready to welcome my second son when he arrives in a few months".

I'm now 34 weeks and have got through the sadness. I do agree with the logical argument of "lucky to have 2 kids at all, as long as they're healthy that's all that matters" etc, and the "oh they'll be best friends" (although DH and his brother don't get on at all so not 100% convinced on that one) but to be honest, none of that matters a jot.

All you can do is live with the knowledge, be glad that you know in advance so that you can work through your feelings - maybe even talk to a counsellor if it would help? Personally my feeling is that I'd rather have felt this disappointment when pregnant, and have time to get used to it / past it, than feel it when I give birth and risk resenting my little new born son.

One thing that did really affect me was that when I was crying in the car on the way home from the scan, I mentally 'heard' my unborn son say "sorry Mummy, sorry I'm not a girl" and that made me cry even harder because it's not his fault! It made me want to pick him up and cuddle him and tell him how much I love him regardless of what gender, size, shape or anything he is. Now if I get a pang of "I'll never have a daughter" I just remember how I felt then and get a huge rush of love towards my son.

Sorry for writing War & Peace - your post really struck a chord with me as I'm literally in exactly the same situation, just a couple of months further on. The best advice I can give you is just to work through your feelings, talk about them, write about them, allow yourself to have them, and hopefully you'll find a positive slant on it all as I have.

And yes, when I see friends' daughters being little madams I do feel faintly smug...

I had my 20 week scan on Christmas Eve and everyone knew we'd be finding out the sex. I was convinced it was a girl as the pregnancy was so different to the pregnancy I had with DS. I'm also not having any more after this one, so we're in the same position. I am having a second boy! I must say at first I was shocked when we found out, and I was a bit disappointed. Some people even said "Oh, you were wrong!" It didn't take long for me to get used to the idea though (hopefully you'll get used to the idea quickly, too), and now I'm quite excited that DS is having a brother. Besides that, the baby is healthy as far as we can tell and I'm grateful! Also, we have all of the boys clothes and toys and now in a few years I won't have to think about a full loft conversion in our house out of necessity, the boys can share a bedroom and the adjacent box room (that will be the nursery). I plan to just buy lots of cute dresses and dolls when my friends DDs have birthdays to get my girly fix.

The best thing - my mum used to say to me when I was a teen and we'd argue " I hope you have a daughter just like you!" well, no such luck, mum!

Snowtiger, I liked your post.

Thanks Bimi, was a bit worried I'd rambled rather...!

Don't feel too bad on yourself - it's not that uncommon to feel disappointed when you find out the sex, I've plenty of friends who've admitted the same. And you KNOW you'll love your baby boy once he's here.

My cousin came back from her scan (4 yrs ago now) in exactly the same state as you describe - she already had a boy and a girl, but somehow she seemed really flat after finding out she was having another girl. After a bit of gentle quizzing it turned out that she was being daft, she just liked the feeling each time of being told something different, but with baby number three, she'd already heard it! What was she expecting to hear? It's a puppy?! I know, I said she was daft!

I have two boys, the youngest of which is nearly 6 months old. I suppose I was in a different position, really didn't mind either way and got quite annoyed with people assuming I would want a daughter. When DS2 arrived I was utterly overjoyed and he's such a blessing in our little family, and already so different to DS1. Sex is largely irrelevant, as personalities are what makes the child, IMO

Don't mind admitting that I just welled up at the 'two little boys' post... I am a hormonal nincompoop

Huge congratulations on your second baby!

Awww JaMnRock! Well,..if you are driving when it comes on the radio Puska recommends you stop the car immediately!

Thank you so much everyone. I feel so much better just reading your lovely posts and hearing about how happy your second boys have made you.

I think it is something I will get over, and I'm sure it won't take long. It really helps knowing others have felt the same initial disappointment but that it wanes and that you find yourself thanking your lucky stars about the pink and the fluff!

DH did say to me that he didn't think my personality would sit very well with a teenage girl, and I think there's some truth in that - many people I know have said sons are easier. I suppose it doesn't help that I've just watched 'The Inbetweeners' and have been picturing my life in 10 or 15 years time

Thank you thank you thank you

err who said it was initial disappointmen??? lol my little girl is 7 and still wanna cry when she backchats me!! either that or handcuff her to her throne as a permanent naughty step xx

I can understand your disappointment, and it is natural, and hopefully talking about it on here will help.

Don't have boys so no advice but just wanted to say while I have a lovely amazing daughter, she is a complete daddy's girl, in fact loves all men. I come way down the pecking order after Daddy, Diego (as in Go Diego Go), a male friend of ours, Grandma, then me In fact I may be lucky even to be there. I'm often told to go away as she and Daddy are busy . I half hope no.2 is a boy as they are often more affectionate and may be closer to their mum

I think it's only natural what you are feeling, I think you grieve for the sex you are not having whatever, if you were having a girl I bet there would be a part of you thinking "DS will never have a brother now"

When we found out DD3 was a DD we got all the aww what a shame looks and comments, you know what it made us so protective of her and love her that little bit more, we would have never changed her for a boy.

I'm pregnant with no4 and yes shock it is a boy, we totally thought it was daughter no4 and that was fine with us, we didn't try for a boy thank you! We are noe getting a bit fed up with all the "oh you must be delighted" "well done" and "at lasts" as if this boy is more important than his sisters.

Two of the same sex is fab I think, concentrate on what you have not what you don't have, by the time that little boy is born you will have forgotten about ever wanting a girl.