Found out the sex today - feeling really sad about it :(

[BettyButterknife]

In hindsight, perhaps we shouldn't have found out. Already have one son, this next child will be our second and last. Looks like we're having another boy.

Thing is, everyone around me has been saying 'oh, I definitely think you're having a girl' and I began to believe them.

I wish we hadn't told people we'd be finding out, as all day I've had people texting and calling to see what it is. Their reactions have made me feel so much worse - my mum sounded disappointed and I stupidly feel a bit like I've let them down. I know that's daft, and I feel so guilty for feeling sad about this because the scan showed that there was nothing to worry about and we're expecting a healthy baby, which I know is the only thing most people would care about.

How do I get over this? I wanted to know to enable me to bond a bit more with my bump, and it's obviously very new news still. I have had a crappy day at work, and a broken night last night, so I'm hoping these tears are a product of being tired and stressed more than being geniunely upset I'll never have a daughter. Can anyone offer any words of advice?

I think its only natural. Its not that you don't want your son its just that you are sad for the daughter you are not having.

When I was pregnant and found out DD was a girl I was happy because I would have a DS and a DD...then I started thinking that DS would never have a brother and DD would never have a sister. I am now pregnant with DC3 (definitely the last) and thinking it will be unfair to whoever doesnt get their same sex sibling - seriously I cant win

Oh and it it helps I am leaning towards 'wanting' another boy as in hindsight although DS was a whirlwind he is not a madam like DD .

I am overdue with my first, which i have been told is a boy and can relate to feeling disappointment when i found out. I am one of four sisters who are extremely close and also being a very girly girl myself i just had not really considered i might be having a boy. So, when i found out i was actually surprised how disappointed i was, and then how incredibly guilty i felt about being upset when i had a healthy baby and some people cant even have babies.

I think gender preference is one of those slightly taboo subjects that people do not discuss openly or often admit to (other than on threads/ forums like this) and so it can surprise you when you feel disappointment. When i did discuss this with friends who have children they all admitted to having preferences and all those who did not get the gender they wanted admitted feeling degrees of disappointment. It is alot more common than you think so do not feel guilty or bad about it. Pregnancy is a lovely exciting time and it is inevitable we start to imagine our new baby and this more often than not includes gender.

All the forums on this subject i read when i found out i was having a boy all said that once they got over the initial disappointment period and started focusing on all the positives (which everyone has posted alkready) they became really excited about their gender. I felt the same and even to the point that i am actually thinking now i would like my second to be boy as well so they can be close brothers. My sisters little girl is also a real diva and everytime i see her it makes me glad i am having a boy.

Good luck with everything and hope all goes well for you xx

Thank you again, all, for your lovely words, especially Snowtiger - your post really struck a chord with me (especially as we both have children with the same name!).

I feel a lot calmer after a good night's sleep, and my son has been absolutely lovely this morning. Two like that won't be bad! We've started getting him used to the idea already, and we thought we'd go and buy his baby brother a present at the weekend. He had been saying it was a baby sister all along, but yesterday morning before the scan he said he'd had a dream about his baby brother, which was weird.

Mumsnet is so brilliant. I know people can be harsh sometimes, but you lot have been lovely to me and I really, really appreciate it.

I probably won?t say anything new to OP - you will be happy as soon you will see your DS2.
I have one DS 2 years old and just found out that I am expecting the second DC, which also will be our last. While I was little disappointed that my first turned out to be not a girl, now I genuinely don?t know which one I would love to have more. I am afraid to say it to myself but the second boy would be ideal? because boys can be a playmates, can share the same bedroom, the same toys, the same clothes, go to similar afterschool activities, and of course better understand each other. Also, when the boy is being naughty, you think ?oh, it is just a boy?, but when a small girl is being naughty, I find it ?hmmm? a bit disgusting (sorry I do not want to offend anyone), because generally you think the girl would have a softer character, but this is not always the case. The only reason why I am not 100% decided because I have a nice name for a girl, while name ideas for a boy are just zero.
Don?t worry, your disappointment is completely natural but you will get over it before you know!

hi there, congratulations on number two! boys rock! and guess what, no worries about periods, hormones (well not quite so sure about that one!), worrying about boyfriends and too much make up in the house
i do have a girl who i adore and love no less than my son but my son keeps himself occupied for hours in his bedroom - almost forget he's around apart from when he wants a cuddle and food. at least i think he's on the computer but he's probably masturbating now he's 15

I'm 36 weeks, expecting DS2 and felt that initial pang of disappointment of not having a daughter and the gut wrenching guilt of that feeling. I cried on the way home from the hospital and was teary a few days afterwards.

I grew up with 2 sisters and have always had more friends who are girls than boys. So I guess I always imagined having a daughter too.

BUT, you do grow to love the idea of your new family structure. I am due in 3 weeks and if bump freakily turns out to be a girl now, I can genuinely say I would be disappointed as I am so excited about having another little boy. I guess what I am saying is give yourself time to grow to love the idea (which is essentially just different to your previous expectations), which you will. I am now even seeing families with 3 sons in, rolling and tumbling in the park playing football and looking at them wistfully!

It is a taboo subject, but I also do think it's perfectly natural. Congratulations, give yourself time and don't be hard on yourself. I just wanted to say how genuinely excited I am about my boy bump and how I could have written your post 15 weeks ago, word for word.

At least you have found out now and so have time to adjust before meeting your beautiful son. I was glad of that with DD1, who, prior to the scan, I'd been convinced/hoping was a boy. It took me a while (because I'm not remotely girly), but I got there. And, mercifully, atm, she's not into all that pink frilly stuff [she likes pandas, monkeys, cars, bags and shoes], so that helps!

Now pregnant again I'm, if I'm honest, probably hoping for a boy, but since I know now how a me + DH girl can turn out, I'll be equally delighted if it's another girl.

BettyB - I found out about DS2 at 20 weeks too as I wanted a girl and wanted to get over any 'disappointment'. I did feel alot like you and other people's disappointed reactions didn't help. However I had some time to get my head round it and when he popped out the first thing that crossed my mind after 'thank F the pain has stopped' was how I honestly didn't care one jot he was a boy cos I was so in love.

There are 2 years between my boys and they're very different but the best of mates and I'm so pleased for them that they have a same sex sibling.

I'm pregs with DC3 now and about to pop. Whilst I desperately wanted a girl at the start the more I've progressed in the pregnancy the less I actually care as I think three boys could be great. I do now if I get another boy though I'm going to have to deal with other people's 'disppointment' which can be really unhelpful.

when i was pg with dc3 i wanted a girl ,went for 20 wk scan and they said its a boy and it did not bother me at all as long as they are healthy etc ,least i dont have to suffer the colour pink,

I've just found out I'm expecting DS4!So be grateful for small mercies! Boys are marvellous (as are girls I guess). Same sex families tend to be easier to deal with as a parent, i think there is far less splitting up to do boy things and girl things.

What LittlePushka said

I know how you feel, when I was expecting DS1 we were told it was 90% sure it was a girl, so when he was born it took a few days to re-adjust.

So, when I was pregnant with DS2 I had the CVS test and decided to find out (for sure) this time around. So when I was told it was another boy I was a little disappointed as I had always hoped for a little girl, and to have the same relationship with her that I had with my dear mum.

What I did have was a long time to get used to the idea, and to look forward to it, and now I have two lovely little boys whom I adore. I really can't imaging having girls now, I think I was meant to have two little boy monsters.

You will be fine, and you may even spend a little time getting over the fact you won't have a girl (ever?) but once you've done that, and your little boy arrives, you won't have the time or energy to feel that again!

Grew up in a girl strong house and it never occured to me that I would be the only woman in my family! When I was expecting DS2 I was disappointed at first. But then realised how much of this was down to me. I have a great relationship with my mom, sister and (honestly!) all my female cousins. Am totally a girls girl. Just thought I would have to have a girl to have that relationship. I am now the very proud mum to two boisterous boys who have opened my eyes to a whole new world. I have also met other mums who have teenage and older boys and they have lovely close relationships with them. My boys are such good mates too and have such a laugh it really is so lovely for them that I couldnt imagine it being any other way. Best of luck.

Boys are sooo loving and very close to their mothers. Enjoy your 2 boys, I'm really sure you will. You have time to get used to the idea of your Ds2 and I'm sure you'll fall in love with him the instant you meet him.

Have to say that when I found out the sex of Ds at my scan, I was gutted. I so wanted a girl. He has though been fabulous in the main and we are very close. He's 11 now and tall and good looking I definitely don't mind that he turned out to be a boy.

I can relate to how you're feeling, I think a lot of people have slight preferences and there's nothing wrong with that, it's how you deal with it that matters and when you have your precious DS in your arms you really won't swap him for anything.

I always thought I wanted girls and when my first was a DS I was a tiny bit disappointed (I'm ashamed to admit it now he's 13!). My Goodness he is amazing, he's tall, handsome and so loving. I since had 2 daughters and am about to have my 3rd, this time I was ever so slightly hoping for a DS. Daughters are wonderful, all children are, but there is something special about the bond between a mother and son.

Treasure him!

I have a boy and am expecting DC2 soon, and all along (without actually knowing for sure) we've suspected it's a girl - we thought it looked that way on the scan, the pregnancy has been different, DS is sure it's a girl, etc. Now it's up close, you know what, I'm a bit scared of having a girl. I love having a boy, he's great, and I know where I am with him. Though I know I would obviously adore a girl if it was my own baby, I do look at friends' DDs with their pouting and sulking and pink plastic high heels and tiaras - and think "I would have no patience with that".

If I had a boy, the only disappointment would be that DS thinks it's a girl and I wouldn't want him to feel disappointed, and I'd worry because he wouldn't be my one and only special boy any more. For myself though, I'd be delighted.

I don't think you should beat yourself up about your feelings at all, but I do think it will be fine and you'll love it once you get going.

So I'll say - congratulations!

Please forgive me I have only quickly scanned through the posts.....I have been amazingly lucky to have four precious sons - and Im the proud Grandma to a precious little boy. I have made my profile private because of a troll incident but I will make it public again asap.

The greatest gift we get in this life is to become Mummys....thats what life is all about. I can appreciate your longing for a girl....BUT it is a massive gift - to create life is so very precious.

Celebrate your pregnancy - celebrate the fact that you will have two little boys - how amazingly wonderful.

I wish you good health and happiness....boys are wonnnnnnnnnnderful xxxx

I knew this would be about having a boy, they always are... Boys are scrummy, just as nice as girls (I have both). It's hard for me to understand as we found out at a 20 week scan that our baby had lethal problems, that was devatstation and dissapointment, gender seems irrelevant to us. To have a healthy baby or either sex is a blessing.

It's funny isn't it, how we talk about gender? Because although it informs some things, two children of the same gender can be utterly different. But then I see threads like this and while many people take great care to point out that you will love your child because he is your child and his own little person, you also get a lot of running down of the other gender.

When I found out I was having a dd I was a little disappointed and did a search on here for gender disappointment. And because there is a slight bias to boy disappointment I read a lot of threads reassuring ops that girls are a nightmare, mothers/sons have a special bond, boys are more loving etc and while I was reassured that gender disappointment is normal, it actually did worry me too. Because I was having a child who would probably not be as loving as a boy could be and would prefer her dad and would end up bitchy and dressed entirely in pink. I'm sure it works the other way too but obviously I come at it from having had a dd.

I think OP, the thing to remember is that your child will be so many things beyond his gender that you can't hope to imagine what he'll be like but you can promise yourself you'll love him for the wonderful and unique little boy he is.

Betty, we are still trying for number 2 but I feel for you - We have DS already and I am quite torn over whether a boy or girl would be lovelier next (assuming we get that lucky).

Part of me would really like a little girl because of all the different things we can do that DS is unlikely to be interested in; and the other part of me thinks another boy would be better because we already have all the stuff and DH was one of 2 boys and thought it was brilliant.

MIL always wanted a girl as well and she didn't have one and has always slightly regretted it - so having a DGD would be nice for her too (although that's a minor consideration, tbf)

You have some good comments here - I hope that having found out this early you are able to come to terms with whatever disappointment you feel now and it will go before your DS2 is born, so that you will just be happy to see him.
Congratulations and I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

SOH you're right and any particular boy or girl is of course an individual. But, yes I am scared of having a girl because there is not one single girl I know (aged 4/5/6 ish) who does not have this sulking/pouting/foot-stamping/madam thing going on, along with all the ultra-feminised interests like hair and fluffy plastic mules and baby dolls.

I don't know why this is, but it is my observation, not just slagging off a gender for the sake of it. I'm worried that I'll either have a girl like that and find it hard to relate to her, or I'll have a tomboy girl who could really struggle with being rejected by other girls.

I'd thought DS1 was going to have a little sister but then found out at the scan that it was a boy. I felt a little bit disappointed but only for a little while and then thought DS1 would probably prefer a brother anyway (we had less than two years' age gap).
Then he arrived and he's the most gorgeous little boy you could wish for. I absolutely adore him and wouldn't change a thing about him.
You'll feel the same about your second little boy, I'm sure.

No, no Marine, I wasn't singling you out, but commenting on a general trend. That it's somewhat ironic that in reassuring about one gender people can denigrate the other. And not this thread in particular, just things I've seen over my years here. It's hollow reassurance for the person expecting the other gender who clicks on a thread about gender disappointment iyswim. By all means sing the praises of each gender and do it loudly, but don't criticise the other gender to do it.

once he is born, and you have bonded, it WILL NOT MATTER!

When I was pregnant for the first time I was desperate for a girl. I've had my girls name since I was 14 and could never imagine myself with a boy. When I heard 'it's a boy' I'm very ashamed to admit that I was disappointed.

DS is 2.3 and the most amazing creature on this earth. He's such a sensitive boy, funny, charming and beautiful. He loves dinosaurs but is scared by them. He's obsessed by The Snowman. He's incredible generally...

We're planning DC2 now. Always wanted a girl in the past. Actually would really like 2 boys..

get the fuck over it. now.