miscarage at 15+5

[bigmuther65]

Just found out today that our baby has stopped growing at 15+5 have to go to hospital tomorrow was told today that i would probably have to take tablets and have the baby.Really did not take in any information as i was shell shocked ,i have miscarried before,but at 8wks and 10wks.I'm guessing this will be a lot worse.Just wondering what to expect as i am terrified

I have no experience of this, and so no advice, just really wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss xx

Oh God bigmuther I don't have anything helpful to say at all and I really hope that someone else comes along who can help. It's just that I've seen you on various threads along the way and i wanted to say how very sorry I was for you.

I had an MMC last week at 11.5 weeks and felt that was hard enough, so cannot imagine how you must be feeling.

Life can be bloody awful sometimes.

I don't know if it will help at all but I chose to have an EPRC (evacuation of products remaining from conception!).

It's basically being put to sleep and then the contents of your womb is sucked out. I was offered the choice between waiting for it to happen naturally which could have taken a couple of weeks, or taking the pill which brings it on quicker or the EPRC.

I chose what I felt was best for me and obviously you may choose differently. i don't know if the options are different the further along you get.

I think it's so crual to have gotten as far as you did. Could they give you any reason why your little one stopped?

All i can say about the EPRC was that it was virtually painless and I felt it was the least scary option of them all.

My thoughts are with you. xx

I did the same as Hippychick as I felt the wait would be worse.

please remember you can go back and any questions you have.

take the time to look after yourself and more thoughts from me

My deepest sympathy I have been where you are now and I know how hard it is to take any information in. I lost my son at 16 weeks, he'd stopped growing at 14 weeks and I'd had a tiny amount of spotting. Scan showed he'd died and my options were D&C, induced labour with tablets, or let nature take it's course, which was advised against.
MMy initial reaction was "no one is taking my baby from me" so I chose the tablets route.
I took the tablet and was told to get painkillers from the pharmacy and go back in to the hospital 24 hours later.
Once the 'labour' really started it was over with in about 3 hours, I had gas and air for the contractions, then my waters broke and my son was born with the next contraction. The most painful (physically painful) part was the retained products behind me cervix later, which a dr had to remove.
I had the option to see my baby, which I didn't do until the following morning with dh, and I am so very glad I did. I wasn't sure but I cannot tell you how much that helped me, and stopped it being so scary and unknown. Seeing my tiny but perfect son looking so peaceful and safe in the sac was comforting for me - everyone is different though.
I hope just hearing that others have been through it too helps you a little. It is a terrible time, but you will get through it. Mumsnet helped me so much, stay on here and take comfort from anything you can. xxxxxx

I don't know if you remember me from the Due in Aug thread - I've posted their too. I had a miscarriage at 15 week and 2 days but mine was natural. It was shitty - I have had 2 before but this was the worst.

My thoughts are with you and your dh.

I don't have any experience but am so sorry for your loss.

bigmuther I'm so so sorry, it's devastating isn't it? I had a MMC in November at 15+3. I didn't know what was happening to me at the time, I just went into labour. It wasn't until afterwards that they said the baby had died sometime around week 12.
I hope someone will come and tell me I am wrong and that it depends on the area, but the hospital told me that the cut off for an ERPC is 15 weeks. After this the baby has to be delivered, either naturally or medically managed.
I am really sorry, take care xx

Bigmuther I am really sorry to hear this. I have had experience of being in such a terrible situation and here is the advice that I wish someone had given me beforehand:

1. If possible ask to not do this on the labour ward. If you are confined to this area explain that you wish to be as far away as possible from the other labouring mothers. It is incredibly hard to listen to others knowing your outcome.

1. Some hospitals will undertake an ERPC this late but it is unlikely you will be able to have the procedure tomorrow. Before you take any drugs, pessaries or tablets be sure of your choices. Ask if there is another hospital that will do this nearby if you think it will help.

1. Your baby will be incredibly tiny. You are allowed to hold them and spend time with them if you so wish. I felt that this helped,although I was later. It is an individual choice and it is worth telling the nurses who are nearby your choice before you deliver, so as to save any upset later.

1. Post birth they like to monitor. Again, ask to be away from the labour area if possible.

1. They may be able to take the placenta away to find out if there is any chromosomal abnormalities which have caused this. It may help.

1. I am not sure, as I was induced much later, if this applies but your milk may come in. Be prepared for this.

1. You will experience a whole range of emotions following this. Take any help that is offered.

I hope your day goes as smoothly as possible. This is an awful situation for anyone to be in. I am thinking of you.

Bigmuther - I also have posted in the Aug thread, but reading this thread has moved me to tears... I'm 7th Aug and I can't imagine what your going through, I truely am devastated for you. Life is so cruel sometimes. I hope you find some comfort in all the horror as Bibithree did. My thoughts are with you.

Thanks you for all your replies really didn't ask to many questions at the hospital today,think they could tell me and dh were not really up to taking in much information,and though best to come back tomorrow just been told that if my bleeding starts to get heavy and start clotting to come straight in.

I'm so sorry to hear this I don't know what else to say, but will be thinking of you. x

Bigmuther, I am so sorry for your loss. I am not surprised that you were not able to ask many questions at the hospital. The news itself is such a shock.

I have had similar experience twice. The first time at 18 weeks and the second time with twins at 16 weeks.

The first time one tablet was sufficient and I 'delivered' at home with a midwife present.

The second time I went in to hospital where they used vaginal pesseries.

I had a bereavement midwife with me from start to finish and I hope that you have the same. She was such a Godsend.

I did not find that the pain was unbearable (not much worse than menstrual cramps) but I was offered everything from Paracetamol on up. I kept thinking that things would get worse and so I was planning on taking meds but never found the need. Having said that: Don't be a hero. It is pointless to suffer physical pain when the emotional pain is sufficient.

It was a few hours before things were moving along swiftly. The build up was slow.

The best decision I ever made was to see our babies. I think that it helped immensely with healing. I found that with an ERPC the whole procedure was so medical and impersonal that I wasn't able to focus on our loss. I was also in a bed next to a woman who was waiting for a termination and it broke my heart to have to listen to her tell her friend about how she couldn't wait to be rid of 'it'.

(I have also had an ERPC for a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks but I wish that I hadn't because there were complications and I bled very heavily and was later re-admitted to hospital... I know that this is rare but the possibility still exists.)

Please feel free to ask any other questions.

I'm really sorry bigmuther we were on the same thread together however I dropped off sooner.

Know what you mean about not taking it all in, I was blank for days it's a good job DP was there with me as I took none of what they said in!

No words can describe what your feeling right now, I know that too well. I just hope you get through the next couple of days as best you can.

Thinking of you xxxx

hi mine was not quite the same as i went into labour on my own and obviously too early...its not nice to go through however the gas and air is great for not only taking away the phisical pain but also the emotional for the short term anyway (i overdosed on it during the "labour") even after my angel was born i still took in the gas and air to have a few extra minutes of emotion block!!! im so sorry for your loss and we are all here for you should you need us xxxxxxx

Sorry to hijack but I've got some questions for Cadmum, Bibi, allstarsprincess and Cazzy

Did you have to physically push the baby/placenta out or did it come out on it's own?

Did you feel your waters break?

Did you have any pain relief?

How long did it take?

Did you continue to be in pain after the baby had been passed and if so for how long?

How long did you bleed for afterwards?

Did you have the option to do it by yourself at home or was the only option with a midwife present?

bigmuther I have nothing useful to add but just wanted to say how truly sorry I am that this is happening to you.

You become obsessed with getting to 12 weeks/that first scan, and then examples like yours remind you that there are "no guarantees".

Thinking of you and hoping you get all the RL support you need, but also wanted to echo how useful this online community is for help and advice.

Take care x

bigmuther How are you feeling this morning?

I hope you don't mind me replying to nappyaddict's questions. Maybe the replies will help you as well.

I did not really have to physically push the baby/babies out. In the case of an early second trimester loss, you do not need to be fully dilated before the baby is delivered and it just happened at the peak of the cramping. I am not going to comment on the placenta because my experiences have not been good but this seems to be something particular to me so no point in worrying you.

I did feel my waters break with the loss at 18 weeks and less so with the twins at 16. The first baby was delivered with the first whoosh.

I opted not to have pain relief. I think that this is a very personal decision. I prefer to feel 'in the moment' rather than deal with it all later iykwim. There was certainly a lot of medication offered though.

Things move very quickly for me even when I am in labour so the whole process lasted less than two hours in both instances. This may not be the norm as everyone seems surprised when I explain this.

I did not intend to deliver at home the first time but I was given a tablet and told to come back to the hospital in the morning for a 'proper induction' I felt mild cramping from the get-go. I was in a fair amount of discomfort on the drive home and an hour later I felt my waters go. I called a midwife who arrived in time to help deliver the placenta. I did not feel comfortable with this option the second time as we had 3 children at home on half-term so I refused the initial tablet. (It still only took two hours from start to finish.)

I am not the best person to ask about the bleeding or pain afterwards as it far and away exceeded my experience with full term delivery but this was mainly down to complications with the placenta so in no way indicative of your likely outcome.

I feel compelled to add one more thing: Be sure that the person inducing your labour knows the location of the placenta. Four weeks ago, I had a complete placenta praevia so induction would have caused me to hemorrhage. I actually needed a C-Section but if I hadn't been aware of this possibility, based on earlier scan, the consultant at the hospital was ready to offer me the tablets.

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you this morning x x x

Thinking of you today BigMuther

xx

Bigmuther - I hope it all goes well for you today.

In answer to other questions from Nappyaddict:

I was in labour for over 48 hours, I did have to push at the end. I was further along, believed to be 24 weeks but was actually 30 according to the post-mortem (my baby had a severe terminal condition though.)

My waters did not break. They came out with the baby at the end.

I had gas and air to start but this was not doing anything. Eventually I was put on a morphine drip. I think this was more to do with me being incredibly stressed and I had been awake for nearly 2 days at this point. The nurses were understanding but I believe my 'pain' was actually more anger at the situation. I did not want to give this baby up and I can see now looking back on it that this was causing me distress.

As soon as my daughter was delivered the pain stopped. Obviously I was in emotional pain but physically there were no side effects.

It took around 4-5 weeks for the bleeding to stop.

My only option was to deliver in a labour ward with a midwife present.

I have since had to have another termination and I insisted this was carried out under a general having an ERPC. This was earlier though at 14 weeks and I did not want to endure this situation again. I was offered the medical delivery route but I could not face doing this based on my previous experience. Also, based on the nature of my condition having a surgical procedure meant that more tissue was collected and could be sampled to find out why this was happening.

I hope this helps.

I am so sorry.

I had a termination for medical reasons at 20 weeks and echo what the others have said.

The labour was not as bad as I had feared- 6 hours in all. I did retain the placenta and had to have that removed sugically but again that was not so bad and was done with an epidural. I felt that delivering my son was the last thing I could do for him. He was delivered with much love and sadness - and labour felt like a necesary stage in my grieving. I chose not to see my son as did my DH. However the hospital did take photos and footprints and we saw these 6 months later when we were ready. We also named our son and that really helped as we both felt very strongly that he had had a massive pressence in our lives, had mattered.

I terms of pain relief like the poster above I had morphine- I was in so much emotional pain I was quite happy to be out of it. It did not take the pain away but I was certainly less stressed by it and was quietly stoned by the time I delivered- which was good for me as I had gone into my own little world by then which is my coping mechanism.

Physically I recovered very quickly- a couple of weeks really. My milk did come in for a couple of days which was very very upsetting. I also bleed for about 3 weeks. Watch out for the after pains- no one had warned me about these and they were horrid and scary as I thought I had something very wrong with me.

Take all the time you need off work- I was off about a month and even then I think I prob went back too soon.

Just so you know I conceived 6 months later and am about to give birth.

All the best. I am so sorry you are going through this

A

Bigmuther, I have nothing useful to say, but I'm really so sorry for your loss and I'll be thinking of you today.

so sorry for you ,could not read this and not post. Life's a real bitch sometimes. I hope you heal OK and that there are sunnier days ahead for you. Its very cruel.xxxxx

Thanks for all your messages of support have found some very useful as they have answered some questions that i have been asking myself.Going to the hospital shortly taking a close friend as well with me who her self has experienced miscarriage ,she may be able to ask the question that i am unable to.Will let you know when i have news and thanks again xx